Yep each day I put one foot in front of the other and I keep going. It seems to be the only thing I can do at this point. I'm unusually positive about this whole experience. For the first time in many many years I am looking forward to finding a new man.
I don't necessarily like dating but perhaps I won't have to date to meet him. I can hope it will just happen and happen naturally, without effort. The only lasting relationships I've been in have simply happened. We've met, been friends and became more. Sometimes it happened quickly and sometimes it took years.
So I've chosen to heal and move on. I've chosen to focus on what will be and not what has been. Today does not have to dictate my tomorrow. Every situation and every circumstance is temporary. It's as permanent as we decide it will be. And I decided yesterday is not indicative of my tomorrow. Each day truly is a new possibility and I embrace it as such.
Naturally somedays I embrace a bit more than others but I keep that thought in my mind. And I still cry every now and again but it's a lot less frequent than it was last week. He just isn't worth the energy. There isn't a reason to pine over a man - ANY MAN - who refuses to see how mangificent I am. Forget him. Focus on me. My two sentences to live by!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
On The Mend
Well it's time for the healing to begin. The X is gone, officially. He has declared we are no longer friends and that he has found the person he will spend his life with.
And he declared it in a 3 sentence email. 3 sentences to end a 12 year friendship. 3 sentences and NO flippin' apology. AMAZING. To say he acted like an ass would be an understatement.
We had certain online conversations 9 days prior to his declaration that make me question his profession. Somehow in 9 days he met and decided to marry some chick. Pardon me if I find that hard to believe.
It's even worse if he met her and then still had intimate conversations with me AFTER they met. So in essence he already cheated. No wonder he ended our friendship. I'm 12 hours away and he still can't resist me. Shouldn't that say perhaps he's not all that in love?
It's projection yet again. Every time we get close, he runs away and projects his feelings onto the next girl he dates. This is the 3rd time. He's never said "forever" before and that really hurt me. I swear he thought of the most hurtful and easiest/cowardly way to tell me and that's what he came up with. 3 sentence email.
I've made the decision to replace thoughts of him with positive thoughts. Obviously I deserve better treatment from ANYONE in my life. Christ my dog treats me better. Just send positive thoughts my way if you can - any sort of hug is appreciated. He may have been an ass but he was one of my best friends for almost 12 years. It's still a loss to deal with.
So enough on that. In other Lara-world-news the copywriting is going well. I've started to see results which is awesome. It's a simple equation of time + effort = results. There is much work to be done and I seem to be the only one of the apprentices doing it. Now we are working on building a team to help me.
Not much else going on. Oh yes - and my laptop crashed. Perfect timing for the X to go away. He's brilliant at fixing that shit. I'm slightly screwed if a complete reformatting and reinstallation doesn't work. I'll have to cash in a CD so I can buy a new one. I can't seem to live without a laptop. *sigh*
Going out for trivia tonight (possibly), laptop reconfiguration tomorrow followed by pizza/wine/Grey's Anatomy (TiVO'd) and hiking on Thursday. Not sure about Friday but Saturday is a Girls' Night Out after some snowshoeing. Sunday better be a day of rest!!! Well maybe. Depends on what I get done during the week.
Hope everyone is well and had a lovely Valentine's Day. It was the day my laptop died so you know how happy I was that night!
And he declared it in a 3 sentence email. 3 sentences to end a 12 year friendship. 3 sentences and NO flippin' apology. AMAZING. To say he acted like an ass would be an understatement.
We had certain online conversations 9 days prior to his declaration that make me question his profession. Somehow in 9 days he met and decided to marry some chick. Pardon me if I find that hard to believe.
It's even worse if he met her and then still had intimate conversations with me AFTER they met. So in essence he already cheated. No wonder he ended our friendship. I'm 12 hours away and he still can't resist me. Shouldn't that say perhaps he's not all that in love?
It's projection yet again. Every time we get close, he runs away and projects his feelings onto the next girl he dates. This is the 3rd time. He's never said "forever" before and that really hurt me. I swear he thought of the most hurtful and easiest/cowardly way to tell me and that's what he came up with. 3 sentence email.
I've made the decision to replace thoughts of him with positive thoughts. Obviously I deserve better treatment from ANYONE in my life. Christ my dog treats me better. Just send positive thoughts my way if you can - any sort of hug is appreciated. He may have been an ass but he was one of my best friends for almost 12 years. It's still a loss to deal with.
So enough on that. In other Lara-world-news the copywriting is going well. I've started to see results which is awesome. It's a simple equation of time + effort = results. There is much work to be done and I seem to be the only one of the apprentices doing it. Now we are working on building a team to help me.
Not much else going on. Oh yes - and my laptop crashed. Perfect timing for the X to go away. He's brilliant at fixing that shit. I'm slightly screwed if a complete reformatting and reinstallation doesn't work. I'll have to cash in a CD so I can buy a new one. I can't seem to live without a laptop. *sigh*
Going out for trivia tonight (possibly), laptop reconfiguration tomorrow followed by pizza/wine/Grey's Anatomy (TiVO'd) and hiking on Thursday. Not sure about Friday but Saturday is a Girls' Night Out after some snowshoeing. Sunday better be a day of rest!!! Well maybe. Depends on what I get done during the week.
Hope everyone is well and had a lovely Valentine's Day. It was the day my laptop died so you know how happy I was that night!
Thursday, February 01, 2007
New Year
Well it's been an interesting first month of the new year (I write this as January has ended and February is being ushered in with mounds of snow around and big fat flakes still falling).
It's been mixed to say the least - full of ups and downs. I've begun writing for a copywriter in Vegas who seems to be quite successful. I'm mentoring under him and will hopefully be working on some cool products/packages. But that's been the highlight.
I didn't get about $300 I had expected last month so I spent 3 weeks temping..that sucked. I have no idea how working mothers do it - I came home from 8 hours of work, cleaned and cooked several times each week for 3 weeks. I was exhausted. Not to mention that I had to continue writing for 1TrackMind.com every night and trying to find more projects, networking opportunities, etc.
Part of the $300 was payment from a client. I came home to a bounced check from that client. After repeated emails and a phone call, said client still had not responded with repayment. So I found the client's business address in LA and found the corresponding police precinct. I sent the client a letter with that information and threatened to call the police if they didn't repay me within 5 business days. It worked and I got paid but it took about 2.5 weeks after I got home and about a month after the check actually bounced.
So I have decided not to write for that client anymore. And I've decided not to write for John Gray either. The hoops I was jumping through just were not worth it in the end. They were upset that I wasn't available during business hours this month...even after I repeatedly explained this was a temp job and not a permanent situation. There was intensive training and testing needed before I could even start writing for them. And there was no guarantee of regular work although they seemed to be in dire need of help. I did several of the tests but had 2 more to do. My first attempt at the final tests didn't go well and I didn't feel encouraged or supported in my endeavors. I felt I was busting my tail and getting nothing from them in return. For the $12 an hour they were offering coupled with no guarantee of consistent work and projects AND the fact that this was a temporary gig in my future endeavors, I decided it wasn't worth the energy I was exerting. I can easily temp for the same pay until my copywriting gigs pick up.
So what's next? Saving up some money to join the Chamber of Commerce, gigs for the Vegas copywriter and hopefully some more gigs for the copywriter in Longmont. It's pretty depressing - the two clients I had to drop were two clients I was planning on getting regular and consistent work from. Here's hoping that even those doors have closed there are open windows in my vicinity. Keep your fingers crossed and your hearts in prayer for me (or whatever you believe).
And then we get to the boys in my love life. There is the X in Phoenix who is currently staying as the X. It seems the distance is just too big of a factor at this point. I did actually come to that my conclusion on my own. We have known each other for 11.5 years...a long time. And truly he is one of my closest friends. He knows more about me then 90% of the people in my life. I hate the thought of not being friends; we have a strong connection and he is one of the few strong pillars I know. So if anything happens between us it will wait for another day. I am sad; I care for him very much. Some people say that when they met their future spouse, they just knew it. I didn't have quite the same experience with him but the first night he and I had a private conversation, I heard my own inner voice say "I'm going to marry this man." It freaked me out a bit to be sure. It still does. What if he is the one and he never feels that way about me? What if he does feel that way? That one is almost scarier. *sigh* But there's nothing I can do about it. If he moves to Denver one day in the future and I'm single (I actually had to force myself to write that...I can't imagine being anything but single) and he's single..maybe we can explore. Perhaps.
But besides that, it sure helps to know someone who is a successful business owner when I'm trying to be one myself. It's something others don't understand. If I had a dollar for every person who asked me if I'm still looking for a job, I'd have quite a stash of cash! It's understandable..most people have jobs, they don't own companies. They aren't entrepreneurs or freelancers. We live a different life and it does take a different mindset and a different approach. It is a full commitment. I work every day..at least a little. Even if I'm waiting for a project, I push myself to be hustling. I'm looking for networking opportunities (affordable ones), reading copywriting material, reading marketing tips, looking for gigs..etc. After a month like January it is exhausting. But those are the ups and downs of business.
Besides the X, there are other boys. There is a climber from Boulder - we went to Domo last week. Domo was excellent and he was funny. I don't know if there's much there but I'd at least be friends with him. And then there's a biker (road bike..not motorcycle) from Denver. We went out this past Monday and it was fun. I'll see him again when he gets back from some trips. Regardless I hate dating. I wish I didn't have to do it. But there seems to be a lot of things I hate doing lately that I have had to do! So be it.
I hope everyone's 2007 is off to a great start!
It's been mixed to say the least - full of ups and downs. I've begun writing for a copywriter in Vegas who seems to be quite successful. I'm mentoring under him and will hopefully be working on some cool products/packages. But that's been the highlight.
I didn't get about $300 I had expected last month so I spent 3 weeks temping..that sucked. I have no idea how working mothers do it - I came home from 8 hours of work, cleaned and cooked several times each week for 3 weeks. I was exhausted. Not to mention that I had to continue writing for 1TrackMind.com every night and trying to find more projects, networking opportunities, etc.
Part of the $300 was payment from a client. I came home to a bounced check from that client. After repeated emails and a phone call, said client still had not responded with repayment. So I found the client's business address in LA and found the corresponding police precinct. I sent the client a letter with that information and threatened to call the police if they didn't repay me within 5 business days. It worked and I got paid but it took about 2.5 weeks after I got home and about a month after the check actually bounced.
So I have decided not to write for that client anymore. And I've decided not to write for John Gray either. The hoops I was jumping through just were not worth it in the end. They were upset that I wasn't available during business hours this month...even after I repeatedly explained this was a temp job and not a permanent situation. There was intensive training and testing needed before I could even start writing for them. And there was no guarantee of regular work although they seemed to be in dire need of help. I did several of the tests but had 2 more to do. My first attempt at the final tests didn't go well and I didn't feel encouraged or supported in my endeavors. I felt I was busting my tail and getting nothing from them in return. For the $12 an hour they were offering coupled with no guarantee of consistent work and projects AND the fact that this was a temporary gig in my future endeavors, I decided it wasn't worth the energy I was exerting. I can easily temp for the same pay until my copywriting gigs pick up.
So what's next? Saving up some money to join the Chamber of Commerce, gigs for the Vegas copywriter and hopefully some more gigs for the copywriter in Longmont. It's pretty depressing - the two clients I had to drop were two clients I was planning on getting regular and consistent work from. Here's hoping that even those doors have closed there are open windows in my vicinity. Keep your fingers crossed and your hearts in prayer for me (or whatever you believe).
And then we get to the boys in my love life. There is the X in Phoenix who is currently staying as the X. It seems the distance is just too big of a factor at this point. I did actually come to that my conclusion on my own. We have known each other for 11.5 years...a long time. And truly he is one of my closest friends. He knows more about me then 90% of the people in my life. I hate the thought of not being friends; we have a strong connection and he is one of the few strong pillars I know. So if anything happens between us it will wait for another day. I am sad; I care for him very much. Some people say that when they met their future spouse, they just knew it. I didn't have quite the same experience with him but the first night he and I had a private conversation, I heard my own inner voice say "I'm going to marry this man." It freaked me out a bit to be sure. It still does. What if he is the one and he never feels that way about me? What if he does feel that way? That one is almost scarier. *sigh* But there's nothing I can do about it. If he moves to Denver one day in the future and I'm single (I actually had to force myself to write that...I can't imagine being anything but single) and he's single..maybe we can explore. Perhaps.
But besides that, it sure helps to know someone who is a successful business owner when I'm trying to be one myself. It's something others don't understand. If I had a dollar for every person who asked me if I'm still looking for a job, I'd have quite a stash of cash! It's understandable..most people have jobs, they don't own companies. They aren't entrepreneurs or freelancers. We live a different life and it does take a different mindset and a different approach. It is a full commitment. I work every day..at least a little. Even if I'm waiting for a project, I push myself to be hustling. I'm looking for networking opportunities (affordable ones), reading copywriting material, reading marketing tips, looking for gigs..etc. After a month like January it is exhausting. But those are the ups and downs of business.
Besides the X, there are other boys. There is a climber from Boulder - we went to Domo last week. Domo was excellent and he was funny. I don't know if there's much there but I'd at least be friends with him. And then there's a biker (road bike..not motorcycle) from Denver. We went out this past Monday and it was fun. I'll see him again when he gets back from some trips. Regardless I hate dating. I wish I didn't have to do it. But there seems to be a lot of things I hate doing lately that I have had to do! So be it.
I hope everyone's 2007 is off to a great start!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)