Well the entire world is full of 'em..we all know this. Whether it's the jackass who drives 20 over the speed limit in the construction zone (saw it yesterday hand to God) or the jerk-off who throws eggs at a building because you don't like the person who lives there (come on, at least graduate to flaming dogshit ok?). Or the moron who can't shut his dog up after 11pm at night - if you can't control your dog, you don't deserve him. If I can show a 100 pound animal who's boss so can you .. because I bet you weigh at least 75 pounds more than I do and you stand a foot taller. So don't let a girl outsmart you, you sissy pants.
If you're reading this, you're probably not one of them (unless you are one of my Xs..then you might be slightly idiotic but do read on).
However my LEAST favorite idiot is the racist. Perhaps you live in the penthouse suites on Broadway & 8th Ave. So what? Maybe you're part of the Cherry Creek Country Club..big fuckin' deal. I'm glad you earn so much you can throw thousands of dollars at white rich snobs who have nothing better to do than pay people to spend time with them. Hooray for fuckin' you. I personally don't have to pay people to be my friend so suck on that.
My point is this: it doesn't matter who you are, where you live, what you drive, what you do for a living or how big your damn house is. Jack asses come in all shapes, sizes, creeds, colors and demographics. I've found racists who make $12,000 a year supposedly "helping" those in need. You can't help people if you don't try to understand them. There are always the members of the all-boys clubs who make more money than I've imagined and they feel threatened talking to a black man.
And then there are the members of the "white flight" suburbs. Yeah, I don't like your philosophies very much. You may not think you are racist and perhaps you aren't...but perhaps your stereotypes are more veiled and hidden. That's what racism has become today - veiled and hidden. It's not better than it was when Dr. King was alive or Malcolm X. It's just better hidden. As a white woman, have you ever walked into a suburban chain restaurant with a black man? I have. And I've seen the narrowed eyes, the blatant stares and even intense dislike. Racism is alive and flourishing in our country and you're naive if you believe otherwise.
I don't pretend to have all the answers. If I did, you can bet your ass I'd be Hilary's campaign manager for the 2008 elections. And we'd WIN. We'd kick ass. But there are things we can all do. How about helping to fix our neighbors instead of running to your cookie cutter neighborhood with "better schools" and a shitload of Wal-Marts nearby? Fine if you want to live where there are good schools for your children, I respect that. But don't turn your back on the city and let it fall to ruin while you shop out of the Pottery Barn catalog. That's why our country has turned to crap people - no one bothers to pitch and help their fellow neighbor. Even if you live in the suburbs or a not-so-metro area, odds are good your neighbors aren't the same race you are. Working together and within our diverse communities is the only way we'll ever overcome racial issues.
All it takes is a little time and concerted efforts from others to improve our community. If everyone in every city around our nation put in an extra hour or two every month we'd make marked improvements. I can say I make the effort - can you?
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Saturday, August 26, 2006
A Few Things to Add
To the hate list:
I hate people who don't call to cancel their plans with you. It takes 10 seconds to call and say you can't make it. It takes hours for the other person to figure out you aren't going to be around like you said you would. That's not ok to do to someone you call your friend.
My roommate is a consumer. She owns about twice as many things than I do and she continues to buy on weekends. It's nice to know my hard-earned money is going to support her crap-buying habit.
The man who lives above me has no concept of how loud his TV and/or techno music.
I hate the people on my block who don't know how to get their dogs to shut the hell up.
To the Thankful List:
Not much, I'm pretty bitchy right now.
I hate people who don't call to cancel their plans with you. It takes 10 seconds to call and say you can't make it. It takes hours for the other person to figure out you aren't going to be around like you said you would. That's not ok to do to someone you call your friend.
My roommate is a consumer. She owns about twice as many things than I do and she continues to buy on weekends. It's nice to know my hard-earned money is going to support her crap-buying habit.
The man who lives above me has no concept of how loud his TV and/or techno music.
I hate the people on my block who don't know how to get their dogs to shut the hell up.
To the Thankful List:
Not much, I'm pretty bitchy right now.
Seven Things I Am Thankful For Today
As a nice opposing piece to what's written below, I submit to you my list of seven things I am appreciative for today, right now.
1. Life.
Every single day is a possibility, a fresh start. For the first time in many, many years I actually enjoy getting out of bed every morning. Yes I only step into my living room to work and I usually do it in my slip or bunny PJ pants. To some that may seem irresponsible or unfocused or whatever, something not quite reputable enough to deserve merit. But I love it. I love working on the variety of projects I have currently. The money is sure to follow.
2. Love.
No not that kind of love. No romantic dates or such of late but just love in general. It's a wonderful thing to be able to love another fellow human being regardless of their feelings for you. Knowing you are capable of loving someone is a feat worth celebrating.
3. Friendships.
New and old. Far and wide. Near and not-so-near. I am happy to have friends. As the cheesy saying goes "Friends are the chocolate chips in the cookies of life." Cutesy but true.
4. My sister.
She's brilliant, beautiful and slightly crazy (but in the best possible way). She's hilarious and I miss her every day. She's going to take over that campus so watch out Viterbo!
5. My brother.
He is wonderful...possibly the best teenage boy on the planet. Although he seems to love video games more than I would've hoped, he is smart, funny and kind. He calls me to ask how I am doing - not many 15 year olds do that. And he lets me hug him in public and tell him I love him. Boys don't do that..but he does. And he's not a sissy pants either. I'd kick your ass in a heartbeat for saying so.
6. Possibilities.
There is a reason Herbie Hancock titled his latest album "Possibilities" (which is a pretty damn good album; you should check it out). Life is one continual possibility and we only need open our eyes and our eyes..most importantly our hearts...to discover what lies around us.
7. Laughter.
Laughter is one of the best things ever. It saves me every day. I try to find the humor in everything that happens. For instance, when my hard drive crashed and the tech told me it would $150 to replace it, I didn't cry. Nope, I laughed. It was absolutely absurd to me that these things would happen to me right now. Of course I did cry a little when I had to add another $100 on to that to upgrade my OS. But there is humor in it..somewhat twisted and sadistic humor but humor nonetheless.
1. Life.
Every single day is a possibility, a fresh start. For the first time in many, many years I actually enjoy getting out of bed every morning. Yes I only step into my living room to work and I usually do it in my slip or bunny PJ pants. To some that may seem irresponsible or unfocused or whatever, something not quite reputable enough to deserve merit. But I love it. I love working on the variety of projects I have currently. The money is sure to follow.
2. Love.
No not that kind of love. No romantic dates or such of late but just love in general. It's a wonderful thing to be able to love another fellow human being regardless of their feelings for you. Knowing you are capable of loving someone is a feat worth celebrating.
3. Friendships.
New and old. Far and wide. Near and not-so-near. I am happy to have friends. As the cheesy saying goes "Friends are the chocolate chips in the cookies of life." Cutesy but true.
4. My sister.
She's brilliant, beautiful and slightly crazy (but in the best possible way). She's hilarious and I miss her every day. She's going to take over that campus so watch out Viterbo!
5. My brother.
He is wonderful...possibly the best teenage boy on the planet. Although he seems to love video games more than I would've hoped, he is smart, funny and kind. He calls me to ask how I am doing - not many 15 year olds do that. And he lets me hug him in public and tell him I love him. Boys don't do that..but he does. And he's not a sissy pants either. I'd kick your ass in a heartbeat for saying so.
6. Possibilities.
There is a reason Herbie Hancock titled his latest album "Possibilities" (which is a pretty damn good album; you should check it out). Life is one continual possibility and we only need open our eyes and our eyes..most importantly our hearts...to discover what lies around us.
7. Laughter.
Laughter is one of the best things ever. It saves me every day. I try to find the humor in everything that happens. For instance, when my hard drive crashed and the tech told me it would $150 to replace it, I didn't cry. Nope, I laughed. It was absolutely absurd to me that these things would happen to me right now. Of course I did cry a little when I had to add another $100 on to that to upgrade my OS. But there is humor in it..somewhat twisted and sadistic humor but humor nonetheless.
Top Seven Things I Hate About My Life Right Now
I haven't had a bitch-a-thon in awhile. Today I feel the need to vent. Here are the top seven things I hate about my life right now. Don't worry, I'll follow it up with my favorite seven things in a minute.
1. My apartment.
Well the apartment is nice but my bedroom is a dank, dark hole. I am sure prison cells get more light. And my room ain't much bigger than a cell. I HATE it.
2. Ah, money.
Yeah that one is pretty obvious so we won't dwell on it. It will all work out soon I am absolutely positively certain.
3. Being alone so much.
There are days I barely talk to anyone in the flesh. I send emails and emails and emails but don't get many phone calls. Some of my friends return my calls promptly and others are quite busy. It does get lonely.
4. My goddamn car.
Kala is a lovely machine truly but she has 145,000 miles on her (roughly). And she has never enjoyed living in the higher altitude. She hates Colorado..which is unfortunate for her because we aren't moving home so she'll just have to live with it. I think she is punishing me for this because she demanded a new radiator last summer, new shocks & struts are currently in need as is a new exhaust manifold thingie (whatever the hell that is). She is acting like a spoiled brat. (Kala is the name of my car for those of you who didn't know or who weren't clever enough to figure that out).
5. Being in Colorado.
Ok that isn't what it seems at first glance. You must understand my sister entered college on Friday. It was her first day and I couldn't be there. How much does that suck? Yep, a lot. Being an older sister is a role in which I should be there for her through everything - first day of school (I was home for her first day of elementary school), first birthday (that's a story best told when I've been listening to She Wants Revenge too damn much), first date, first heartbreak (so I could kick his ass), etc. I am disappointed that I was not there to be with her. And to help my mom who is going to experience Empty Nest Syndrome even though my brother is still living at home. So yes I love Colorado but would've preferred to have been in Wisconsin this past week.
6. Not being where I would like to be.
I'm not the most patient person in the world - most definitely not patient with myself. Daily I remind myself that live is a continual journey that should be enjoyed every step of the way. It is not a sprint, it is not a dash to the finish line. In fact, there is no finish line. There is only tomorrow. I guess the only real thing I would change in respect to this is my finances. A steady flow of money would be good right now. (See yesterday's entry about my f'in laptop and you'll understand).
7. Having 7 things to list!
I should just get over it and focus on the good stuff! So that is what I'm going to do - list 7 things I am grateful for today.
1. My apartment.
Well the apartment is nice but my bedroom is a dank, dark hole. I am sure prison cells get more light. And my room ain't much bigger than a cell. I HATE it.
2. Ah, money.
Yeah that one is pretty obvious so we won't dwell on it. It will all work out soon I am absolutely positively certain.
3. Being alone so much.
There are days I barely talk to anyone in the flesh. I send emails and emails and emails but don't get many phone calls. Some of my friends return my calls promptly and others are quite busy. It does get lonely.
4. My goddamn car.
Kala is a lovely machine truly but she has 145,000 miles on her (roughly). And she has never enjoyed living in the higher altitude. She hates Colorado..which is unfortunate for her because we aren't moving home so she'll just have to live with it. I think she is punishing me for this because she demanded a new radiator last summer, new shocks & struts are currently in need as is a new exhaust manifold thingie (whatever the hell that is). She is acting like a spoiled brat. (Kala is the name of my car for those of you who didn't know or who weren't clever enough to figure that out).
5. Being in Colorado.
Ok that isn't what it seems at first glance. You must understand my sister entered college on Friday. It was her first day and I couldn't be there. How much does that suck? Yep, a lot. Being an older sister is a role in which I should be there for her through everything - first day of school (I was home for her first day of elementary school), first birthday (that's a story best told when I've been listening to She Wants Revenge too damn much), first date, first heartbreak (so I could kick his ass), etc. I am disappointed that I was not there to be with her. And to help my mom who is going to experience Empty Nest Syndrome even though my brother is still living at home. So yes I love Colorado but would've preferred to have been in Wisconsin this past week.
6. Not being where I would like to be.
I'm not the most patient person in the world - most definitely not patient with myself. Daily I remind myself that live is a continual journey that should be enjoyed every step of the way. It is not a sprint, it is not a dash to the finish line. In fact, there is no finish line. There is only tomorrow. I guess the only real thing I would change in respect to this is my finances. A steady flow of money would be good right now. (See yesterday's entry about my f'in laptop and you'll understand).
7. Having 7 things to list!
I should just get over it and focus on the good stuff! So that is what I'm going to do - list 7 things I am grateful for today.
Randomness
Randomness is for the ambling you are about to read. I have no discernible rhyme or reason for my observations today, they are just thoughts flying about randomly.
Today I was walking back from a short trip to the Queen Soopers in my 'hood when I a bug flew directly into my forehead. It stung like a MFer. When I got home, I checked my forehead and sure enough it had literally stung me. Twice. I now have two oversized zit-like marks above my right eye. Very attractive...not to mention the pain lightning down to my eyebrow.
Weddings are the subject of an upcoming Oprah show...extravagant celebrity bashes in particular. I myself have no desire to throw a million dollar gala for this particular event. In fact, given my way I will elope. Well not in the strictest sense of the word but I do want to run off to the Cook Islands or Key West with my husband-to-be and invite our friends. I want my immediate family there and his as well but that's about it.
Being the reasonable woman I am however I am willing to negotiate. If for some obscure twist of all laws of Nature I find a man who has heart set on a non-elopement wedding, I may be open to suggestions. However he'll have to understand I will be entitled to become a She-bitch for the entire planning process. Nobody wants that, I can guarantee it.
Yesterday had its ups and downs. I awoke at 5am for no particular reason which meant I was bound to be an ugly demon all day - I love my sleep. So I woke up, ran close to 4 miles and came home. Off I drove to a friend's house to work on an award submittal for which she paid me. And then I made my way to an interview where I was promptly told Spanish is basically a requirement. NOT what the ad said so I am afraid I'm back to square one. Keep your fingers crossed that something pops up this week.
This week I'm in Longmont to do some pet-sitting and finish up a couple of freelance projects. Should be fun times!
Today I was walking back from a short trip to the Queen Soopers in my 'hood when I a bug flew directly into my forehead. It stung like a MFer. When I got home, I checked my forehead and sure enough it had literally stung me. Twice. I now have two oversized zit-like marks above my right eye. Very attractive...not to mention the pain lightning down to my eyebrow.
Weddings are the subject of an upcoming Oprah show...extravagant celebrity bashes in particular. I myself have no desire to throw a million dollar gala for this particular event. In fact, given my way I will elope. Well not in the strictest sense of the word but I do want to run off to the Cook Islands or Key West with my husband-to-be and invite our friends. I want my immediate family there and his as well but that's about it.
Being the reasonable woman I am however I am willing to negotiate. If for some obscure twist of all laws of Nature I find a man who has heart set on a non-elopement wedding, I may be open to suggestions. However he'll have to understand I will be entitled to become a She-bitch for the entire planning process. Nobody wants that, I can guarantee it.
Yesterday had its ups and downs. I awoke at 5am for no particular reason which meant I was bound to be an ugly demon all day - I love my sleep. So I woke up, ran close to 4 miles and came home. Off I drove to a friend's house to work on an award submittal for which she paid me. And then I made my way to an interview where I was promptly told Spanish is basically a requirement. NOT what the ad said so I am afraid I'm back to square one. Keep your fingers crossed that something pops up this week.
This week I'm in Longmont to do some pet-sitting and finish up a couple of freelance projects. Should be fun times!
Friday, August 25, 2006
Crash
That's the sound my hard drive made yesterday. Yep, it all crashed into computer oblivion. I've been having issues for the last 4-6 weeks; GeekSquad has been to my house 6 times now. The MasterCard commercial would sound something like this:
Computer assistance from Geek Squad: $250
New hard drive, OS upgrade & installation: $286
Countless hours spent with a complete stranger on your couch: Priceless
Yep I spent over $500 on my laptop this month. What's that you ask? No, I don't have a job or steady income just yet. Yes it is sucking me dry. Sure, send donations. At this point I may even eat Spam to save some money. I'm pretty sure there is no real meat in there anyway!
But I'm sure everything will be ok. I'm doing my best to roll with the punches and hang in there. Please do feel free to send monetary or food donations!
Computer assistance from Geek Squad: $250
New hard drive, OS upgrade & installation: $286
Countless hours spent with a complete stranger on your couch: Priceless
Yep I spent over $500 on my laptop this month. What's that you ask? No, I don't have a job or steady income just yet. Yes it is sucking me dry. Sure, send donations. At this point I may even eat Spam to save some money. I'm pretty sure there is no real meat in there anyway!
But I'm sure everything will be ok. I'm doing my best to roll with the punches and hang in there. Please do feel free to send monetary or food donations!
Monday, August 21, 2006
WTF?
I'm watching Oprah right now and she's interviewing female teachers who have slept with their students. All I can say is WTF? Seriously how can you NOT see the issue here? If you are 30 years old, you shouldn't be sleeping with a 13-year-old. Ridiculous. It is beyond my comprehension that somehow these women thought this was ok, it was acceptable and in some cases, it was love. Yuck.
Granted there are times when I feel as though the men I date are about 13 but at no point are they actually 13 years of age. I suppose these women must have an emotional issue(s) but why is it that we don't call them pedophiles? Granted I don't feel they are pedophiles but I'm curious about the dichotomy. It's just a weird, weird topic.
I actually don't have a point about this one, I'm just posting because it's so revolting to me. I can barely wrap my brain around it.
Granted there are times when I feel as though the men I date are about 13 but at no point are they actually 13 years of age. I suppose these women must have an emotional issue(s) but why is it that we don't call them pedophiles? Granted I don't feel they are pedophiles but I'm curious about the dichotomy. It's just a weird, weird topic.
I actually don't have a point about this one, I'm just posting because it's so revolting to me. I can barely wrap my brain around it.
One Minute
The last several years I have been on a quest: a quest to improve my life. Not a small feat I know but it is a worthy one. Admittedly some days I feel like Don Quixote chasing windmills but other days I know I'm on track. Saturday was one of those days.
Last week was a hard week for me. I didn't get two jobs I had felt confident about. And I felt like a bloated, beached whale but all women know we feel that way from time to time. It's part of the gloriousness of the female body. Anyway...I spent the weekend pet-sitting in Boulder. I didn't get to see any of my friends for a variety of reasons. I am trying to cut down on my TV viewing because it's bad for creativity..at least for me. So I found a book on the pet owners' shelf and dug in. This book is called The One Minute Millionaire by Robert Allen (author of "Multiple Streams of Income" and Mark Hanson (author of "Chicken Soup for the Soul" series). Some of you may have heard of this book. I had and had intended to check it out from the library but hadn't gotten around to it. I read it and read it and read it. There are some incredible concepts and ideas in this book.
I felt rather inspired reading it. You know that kind of inspired that makes your entire body tingle from head to toes and back again. I needed that inspiration because my mind had gotten stuck in desperation & scarcity mode. Shortly I will need to dig into my savings to pay bills and it's causing me to panic. It still is as a matter of fact but I'm turning that thought process around and focusing on abundance and prosperity, not scarcity. It's tough to do especially when you are smacked in the face with constant reminders of your lack of income.
But back to the book...the theme of the book is basically little things you can do to change your mindset, your habits and your objectives to become a millionaire. But the most compelling part of the book is the amazing emphasis on giving. Yes, giving. It has taken me a long time to realize money isn't evil, it isn't bad. In fact, it isn't anything at all...nothing but paper. This book emphasizes the importance of tithing, tithing your time, tithing your money. Giving is something I have always believed in. It is something that is a part of me and a natural part of my being. I'm a giver by nature and this book resonated with me because of that. How many of us really give 10% back? If our earnings are a gift from above then why not give 10% of that back? It's a way of thanking the Universe for its bounty and blessings. I don't believe I've given 10% back this year - I did last year and the year before that. So inspite of my low checking account balance, I will be making a donation tomorrow.
If you have the opportunity, buy a copy of One Minute Millionaire. It's worth the $21 price tag.
More to come children but for now, I am off to sleep...pleasant dreams.
Last week was a hard week for me. I didn't get two jobs I had felt confident about. And I felt like a bloated, beached whale but all women know we feel that way from time to time. It's part of the gloriousness of the female body. Anyway...I spent the weekend pet-sitting in Boulder. I didn't get to see any of my friends for a variety of reasons. I am trying to cut down on my TV viewing because it's bad for creativity..at least for me. So I found a book on the pet owners' shelf and dug in. This book is called The One Minute Millionaire by Robert Allen (author of "Multiple Streams of Income" and Mark Hanson (author of "Chicken Soup for the Soul" series). Some of you may have heard of this book. I had and had intended to check it out from the library but hadn't gotten around to it. I read it and read it and read it. There are some incredible concepts and ideas in this book.
I felt rather inspired reading it. You know that kind of inspired that makes your entire body tingle from head to toes and back again. I needed that inspiration because my mind had gotten stuck in desperation & scarcity mode. Shortly I will need to dig into my savings to pay bills and it's causing me to panic. It still is as a matter of fact but I'm turning that thought process around and focusing on abundance and prosperity, not scarcity. It's tough to do especially when you are smacked in the face with constant reminders of your lack of income.
But back to the book...the theme of the book is basically little things you can do to change your mindset, your habits and your objectives to become a millionaire. But the most compelling part of the book is the amazing emphasis on giving. Yes, giving. It has taken me a long time to realize money isn't evil, it isn't bad. In fact, it isn't anything at all...nothing but paper. This book emphasizes the importance of tithing, tithing your time, tithing your money. Giving is something I have always believed in. It is something that is a part of me and a natural part of my being. I'm a giver by nature and this book resonated with me because of that. How many of us really give 10% back? If our earnings are a gift from above then why not give 10% of that back? It's a way of thanking the Universe for its bounty and blessings. I don't believe I've given 10% back this year - I did last year and the year before that. So inspite of my low checking account balance, I will be making a donation tomorrow.
If you have the opportunity, buy a copy of One Minute Millionaire. It's worth the $21 price tag.
More to come children but for now, I am off to sleep...pleasant dreams.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Astrology & Depression
Most of you know I am interested in the occult, weird stuff and anything else deemed odd by the average person. Astrology falls in that realm. I recently had my birth chart read and discovered I am more Capricorn than Taurus (born towards the late middle of May, I have always thought of myself as a Taurus). I also learned a bit about depression & Capricorns.
Depression is a funny thing - it comes and goes for me. Mine is definitely situational and varies by the day. Today is particularly bad; I doubt I will even leave the house which is always a sign I am blue. Most people think depression is a bad thing and in some cases it is. It's never good if you'd prefer to through yourself in front of a moving bus than go on with your day. That's not where I'm at thankfully - I've left those days behind and in the shadows of my past.
I was told as a Capricorn I use depression as a tool. We Caps embrace it, feel it, suffer through it and come out rosey on the other side. We're quite a bit better for having endured it. I'm still on the embracing side of mine currently and need to watch some sappy ass movies to push me over the edge. Any movie with broken hearts is guaranteed to do it for me.
Today I can't seem to shut off my inner dialogue and she is a nagging BITCH right now. She wants to know where I am going to, what I am going to do and how in tarnation I believe I am going to support my self financially henceforth. And as I listen to her, I am torn and uncertain of where to go next in my career. My resume is a flippin' landmine and I am embarassed to discuss my work history. I've been gainfully employed for all but one year in the past seven..however not for longer than about 20 months with any one employer. That seems to be a sticking point for some.
I have wanted to freelance for some time now as most of you. I have started but it is slow going as is any new endeavor. In the mean time, I have bills to pay and an irksome roommate situation to deal with. I need to make a decent living so I can move out but I am not keen on going back to the corporate world. I am just here, trying to cope. And my mood is certainly not improving as the day progresses. I feel stuck, trapped and ensnared in a shitty world I've built for myself. Where I'll go from here is not known and I am having trouble coping with that. We Caps dig direction and purpose..we're not so much for the changes and unknown. Add that to my Taurus sun sign and we've got some deep-seated fear of change and a strong, strong resistance to the unknown. What can I say, I'm a solid earthy-based no nonsense kind of gal.
In any event, here I am wondering, pondering and generally feeling a malaise so strong I don't care for the sunshine of Denver nor the freelance projects I really should sink my teeth into. I need a distraction of some sort, something to make me feel better. It would preferable that it be a hot stud of a man but since the closest thing I have in that avenue is a Thursday night TV show with Jensen Ackles, I can't say it's exactly overflowing with candidates.
Another day and somehow I manage to cope. Here's hoping for brighter news tomorrow. Blessings to all of you (and thanks for reading; I do hope I haven't depressed you to the point of cliff jumping without a parachute).
Depression is a funny thing - it comes and goes for me. Mine is definitely situational and varies by the day. Today is particularly bad; I doubt I will even leave the house which is always a sign I am blue. Most people think depression is a bad thing and in some cases it is. It's never good if you'd prefer to through yourself in front of a moving bus than go on with your day. That's not where I'm at thankfully - I've left those days behind and in the shadows of my past.
I was told as a Capricorn I use depression as a tool. We Caps embrace it, feel it, suffer through it and come out rosey on the other side. We're quite a bit better for having endured it. I'm still on the embracing side of mine currently and need to watch some sappy ass movies to push me over the edge. Any movie with broken hearts is guaranteed to do it for me.
Today I can't seem to shut off my inner dialogue and she is a nagging BITCH right now. She wants to know where I am going to, what I am going to do and how in tarnation I believe I am going to support my self financially henceforth. And as I listen to her, I am torn and uncertain of where to go next in my career. My resume is a flippin' landmine and I am embarassed to discuss my work history. I've been gainfully employed for all but one year in the past seven..however not for longer than about 20 months with any one employer. That seems to be a sticking point for some.
I have wanted to freelance for some time now as most of you. I have started but it is slow going as is any new endeavor. In the mean time, I have bills to pay and an irksome roommate situation to deal with. I need to make a decent living so I can move out but I am not keen on going back to the corporate world. I am just here, trying to cope. And my mood is certainly not improving as the day progresses. I feel stuck, trapped and ensnared in a shitty world I've built for myself. Where I'll go from here is not known and I am having trouble coping with that. We Caps dig direction and purpose..we're not so much for the changes and unknown. Add that to my Taurus sun sign and we've got some deep-seated fear of change and a strong, strong resistance to the unknown. What can I say, I'm a solid earthy-based no nonsense kind of gal.
In any event, here I am wondering, pondering and generally feeling a malaise so strong I don't care for the sunshine of Denver nor the freelance projects I really should sink my teeth into. I need a distraction of some sort, something to make me feel better. It would preferable that it be a hot stud of a man but since the closest thing I have in that avenue is a Thursday night TV show with Jensen Ackles, I can't say it's exactly overflowing with candidates.
Another day and somehow I manage to cope. Here's hoping for brighter news tomorrow. Blessings to all of you (and thanks for reading; I do hope I haven't depressed you to the point of cliff jumping without a parachute).
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Quiz Geek
Yep, I'm a quiz geek. I love those damn things! Any of those personality tests, online quizzes, any of it I love! So here's a 5er for Tuesday. Enjoy.
5 things in my refrigerator:
1. Chocolate soy milk
2. Vanilla Soy Milk
3. Orange & Passionfruit Juice with Calcium
4. Butter lettuce (yum!!!)
5. Pineapple
5 things in my closet:
1. 12 pairs of shoes (I know but they are almost all Payless or Target-bought which means they were about $15 each..not $400 Mahnolos)
2. A crapload of clothes...I have a tiny closet and they are all jammed in there. It's impossible to find anything. I need a new apartment.
3. My tent for camping. It's fantastic.
4. A box of scarves, wraps and my most fantastic fabulous pair of sparkly, strappy shoes.
5. A bunch of dresses. I wear the sundresses but not the dress-up ones. I don't have too many occasions to wear those.
5 things in my purse:
1. Non-petroleum lip gloss/chapstick stuff
2. Lipstick
3. Cell phone (usually)
4. Wallet
5. Pictures of my sister Alyssa, Leah's daughter Hannah and my baby cousin Caleb
5 things in my car:
1. a ton of slips of paper with directions to people's homes
2. a couple of VHS tapes
3. my rock climbing harness & chalk bag
4. a super oversized YMCA sweatshirt
5. my cute little red zip-up sweater
5 people that get tagged:
1. Ah, anyone who reads this
2. Another person who reads this
3. Maybe someone they refer
4. Hopefully another friend
5. YOU!
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Warm Fuzzies
For those of you who know me well you know I love the TV series Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Love it as in own 6 of the 7 seasons and have seen every episode at least twice..probably three times. Perhaps it makes me a freak in some circles but those aren't circles I care to become intertwined in. In truth it's my comfort blanket; I watch it when I'm down or when I need to feel better about life in general. I can always count on Buffy to be dealing with worse life situations than I am. And besides it's cool to see a tiny blonde chick kick some ass. I admit it, I want to be Buffy. Ok maybe not be here because that would be weird but I'd like to be able to kick ass whenever necessary. Being all of 5'1" and miniscule in stature, I can't always take down the bad guys. So I live vicariously through Buffy.
So this week had its ups and downs; I went on several interviews and wasted more gas. I finished a freelance project but haven't heard from my contact if she was happy with my work. I'm not sure if she'll want to do more work together or not and that's disconcerting. I'm hoping for more because it will help me break further into the business writing field. And that my friends is where the money is. I may get a 2nd interview for a full-time writing job that would pay 10 Gs more than I was making and I have a 2nd interview for a part-time job that would pay enough to live on while I had some time for freelancing. We'll see what comes to pass I guess. I'm not very good at the unknown holding pattern I'm in.
No other news really; I should be doing some pet-sitting next weekend in a nearby town. That will give me a bit more cash which I need right now - so long as I don't get a ticket for running a yellow in that damn town. What's the deal with photo red lights? Jesus. Hate those damn things. Either every town's intersections should have them or they shouldn't be around at all. Hate 'em.
That's the news for now - nothing too exciting or entertaining to discuss. I could go into world affairs but I just don't have the energy for it right now. I've been woken up by my roommate & her boyfriend's bedroom escapades and haven't been able to fully rest this weekend. And THAT is for an entirely different blog.
So this week had its ups and downs; I went on several interviews and wasted more gas. I finished a freelance project but haven't heard from my contact if she was happy with my work. I'm not sure if she'll want to do more work together or not and that's disconcerting. I'm hoping for more because it will help me break further into the business writing field. And that my friends is where the money is. I may get a 2nd interview for a full-time writing job that would pay 10 Gs more than I was making and I have a 2nd interview for a part-time job that would pay enough to live on while I had some time for freelancing. We'll see what comes to pass I guess. I'm not very good at the unknown holding pattern I'm in.
No other news really; I should be doing some pet-sitting next weekend in a nearby town. That will give me a bit more cash which I need right now - so long as I don't get a ticket for running a yellow in that damn town. What's the deal with photo red lights? Jesus. Hate those damn things. Either every town's intersections should have them or they shouldn't be around at all. Hate 'em.
That's the news for now - nothing too exciting or entertaining to discuss. I could go into world affairs but I just don't have the energy for it right now. I've been woken up by my roommate & her boyfriend's bedroom escapades and haven't been able to fully rest this weekend. And THAT is for an entirely different blog.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Oprah
Regardless of what you all think of Oprah, I love her. She is the highlight of
my unemployed self's day. Today we got to see the Vanderbilts including that hunky
CNN anchor...I forget his name right now but you all know who I'm talking about. He's fabulous.
Besides watching, Oprah I have spent my days battling with my computer. She has been a brat of late and we've had to bring in outside assistance. It seems to have helped at least a bit. No more crazy error messages which read like Klingon. But I still cannot run a thorough virus scan and I'm fairly convinced there are some evil boogies floating around in the ether that is my hard drive. Ok, I know it's not ether at all but binary codings so bugger off. I'm not an idiot - I like ether more than binary codes k? Deal.
But the coolest thing I've been doing is partnering with a full-time writer on some projects. I hope to have a few more clips to post here. (Maybe someday I'll figure out how to link them but currently my brain refuses). Anyway, I have done some research (14 hours worth to be exact) on muscadine grapes (yes I do know most everything there is to know about them and yes you should eat them!!!). Next up is Asperger's syndrome. Fun times I tell you, fun times.
Actually it is fun. I am interested in any subject I haven't learned much about it and I'm particularly interested in alternative health and supplements. There's so much misinformation out there that I believe it's important to set the record straight on what products can do and can't. Knowledge is power people, knowledge is power.
That's the extent of my current life. Lots of interviews, some temp work, some writing projects and not a lot of money. Woo hoo, a big YAY me on that. Just kidding. It's going along just fine and I am confident of some income soon.
Oh yeah, I've decided I do NOT want to rekindle any old flame. Enough said.
Besides watching, Oprah I have spent my days battling with my computer. She has been a brat of late and we've had to bring in outside assistance. It seems to have helped at least a bit. No more crazy error messages which read like Klingon. But I still cannot run a thorough virus scan and I'm fairly convinced there are some evil boogies floating around in the ether that is my hard drive. Ok, I know it's not ether at all but binary codings so bugger off. I'm not an idiot - I like ether more than binary codes k? Deal.
But the coolest thing I've been doing is partnering with a full-time writer on some projects. I hope to have a few more clips to post here. (Maybe someday I'll figure out how to link them but currently my brain refuses). Anyway, I have done some research (14 hours worth to be exact) on muscadine grapes (yes I do know most everything there is to know about them and yes you should eat them!!!). Next up is Asperger's syndrome. Fun times I tell you, fun times.
Actually it is fun. I am interested in any subject I haven't learned much about it and I'm particularly interested in alternative health and supplements. There's so much misinformation out there that I believe it's important to set the record straight on what products can do and can't. Knowledge is power people, knowledge is power.
That's the extent of my current life. Lots of interviews, some temp work, some writing projects and not a lot of money. Woo hoo, a big YAY me on that. Just kidding. It's going along just fine and I am confident of some income soon.
Oh yeah, I've decided I do NOT want to rekindle any old flame. Enough said.
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