Astrology & Depression

Most of you know I am interested in the occult, weird stuff and anything else deemed odd by the average person. Astrology falls in that realm. I recently had my birth chart read and discovered I am more Capricorn than Taurus (born towards the late middle of May, I have always thought of myself as a Taurus). I also learned a bit about depression & Capricorns.

Depression is a funny thing - it comes and goes for me. Mine is definitely situational and varies by the day. Today is particularly bad; I doubt I will even leave the house which is always a sign I am blue. Most people think depression is a bad thing and in some cases it is. It's never good if you'd prefer to through yourself in front of a moving bus than go on with your day. That's not where I'm at thankfully - I've left those days behind and in the shadows of my past.

I was told as a Capricorn I use depression as a tool. We Caps embrace it, feel it, suffer through it and come out rosey on the other side. We're quite a bit better for having endured it. I'm still on the embracing side of mine currently and need to watch some sappy ass movies to push me over the edge. Any movie with broken hearts is guaranteed to do it for me.

Today I can't seem to shut off my inner dialogue and she is a nagging BITCH right now. She wants to know where I am going to, what I am going to do and how in tarnation I believe I am going to support my self financially henceforth. And as I listen to her, I am torn and uncertain of where to go next in my career. My resume is a flippin' landmine and I am embarassed to discuss my work history. I've been gainfully employed for all but one year in the past seven..however not for longer than about 20 months with any one employer. That seems to be a sticking point for some.

I have wanted to freelance for some time now as most of you. I have started but it is slow going as is any new endeavor. In the mean time, I have bills to pay and an irksome roommate situation to deal with. I need to make a decent living so I can move out but I am not keen on going back to the corporate world. I am just here, trying to cope. And my mood is certainly not improving as the day progresses. I feel stuck, trapped and ensnared in a shitty world I've built for myself. Where I'll go from here is not known and I am having trouble coping with that. We Caps dig direction and purpose..we're not so much for the changes and unknown. Add that to my Taurus sun sign and we've got some deep-seated fear of change and a strong, strong resistance to the unknown. What can I say, I'm a solid earthy-based no nonsense kind of gal.

In any event, here I am wondering, pondering and generally feeling a malaise so strong I don't care for the sunshine of Denver nor the freelance projects I really should sink my teeth into. I need a distraction of some sort, something to make me feel better. It would preferable that it be a hot stud of a man but since the closest thing I have in that avenue is a Thursday night TV show with Jensen Ackles, I can't say it's exactly overflowing with candidates.

Another day and somehow I manage to cope. Here's hoping for brighter news tomorrow. Blessings to all of you (and thanks for reading; I do hope I haven't depressed you to the point of cliff jumping without a parachute).