Alone

I hate being alone. I've lived with it for the last 6 years or so and I'm pretty tired of it. I've embraced it as best as I can and I enjoy certainly aspects of being on my own. But overall, I'm tired of constantly doing everything by myself and having no one to talk to on a regular basis. I have no one to share my everyday highlights with.


The reason I feel this way at this particular moment in time? I've seen a particular ex-boyfriend twice in the last month. He's the only X I would've ever considered as my soulmate. He was my first true love and even though we have maintained a friendship over the last 11 years, he still gets to me.


Unlike most men, I genuinely enjoy his company. He's a nice guy, he's interesting and intelligent, he treats me well & we have fun together. The kicker? He doesn't want to commit to me; I don't think he ever has. I have no clue why really because he doesn't have "commitment issues" with other women..just me. So when I do see him it brings back a lot of feelings and makes me question many things like why we've never gotten back together, what it might be like if we did and why I even bother thinking about these things at all.


But the hardest part of seeing him is the aftermath. It seems to conveniently fall around the time I have PMS so my accessibility to tears is higher than average (ahh, I cry easily is what I mean) and my overall sensitivity is terribly high. I feel alone and quite sad after we part. There's never an easy way to just get over this; I just have to let the emotions come & go which they usually do in a matter of days.


There really is no purpose to this blog..I'm just venting and killing time before my plane leaves for Denver. And considering the snowfall they've gotten of late, I may be waiting awhile. Wish me safe travels!!!