Self-indulgent

That's really what this blog is for me. It's just my place to rant & rave about my life. I realize I share lessons and experiences that may help others but really this blog is just self-indulgence with my name plastered all over it. ;)

And I'm ok with that. I need a place to talk about my experiences and sort things out so I improve them the next go-round. Because there's always a next go-round!

Tonight I have another counseling session. Again more self-indulgence and I enjoy it. I like that I get to talk about myself for an hour and hopefully gain some more insights into my behaviors and actions.

Anyway, on to the self-indulgent portion of the entry. My weekend was pretty good overall. I cried very little which was nice. I feel like I am healing and growing.

I'm incredibly grateful for the gift of love. For being able to love someone and for being able to accept his love in return. Hopefully he felt the same gift and is happy for the experience. And I do hope for his healing to be complete and for him to experience all the happiness there possibly is.

Friday night I went home after a long walk at Wash Park. I read a little, ate ice cream (I love Rocky Road) and went to bed.

Saturday was my usual morning of volunteering then I went to our first farmer's market of the season! Woo hoo!!! It actually kinda sucked because there was very little produce but that's to be expected this time of the year. I'm simply ecstatic that the market has opened!

After the farmer's market (and an oh-so-yummy lunch of mole corn tamales), I went to the library to work on a freelance project for Dr. Mercola.

2 hrs later I headed outside to sit by the river and watch the ducks. It was beautiful!

While there, I wrote for a bit - am working on putting together a writing class for Longmont Free University - watched the ducks some more and then went to Ideal Market to pick up some food.

Saturday night I watched Enchanted with a friend. It's such a wonderful movie! I loved it and think I will buy the DVD and the soundtrack.

Normally I avoid most movies that are musicals (I may be the only person in the world who doesn't like Sound of Music) but this one I loved.

Perhaps it's the princess aspect of it (what girl doesn't want to be a princess? Speaking of which I have to buy my tiara before my birthday next month...) or the fairy-tale-dreams-come-true theme or that McDreamy is in it. Or any combination thereof. Whatever the reason, I loved it. It's absolutely delightful and I highly recommend it - especially if you are hanging out with little girls.

Sunday I did next to nothing - didn't even go to church (I was putting the finishing touches on my copy for Dr. Mercola and before I knew it, it was after 10am). But it was relaxing and that was the important part.

Overall, good weekend. Hope yours was too!

Shoshoni!

Here it is - the lovely Shoshoni.

Happy Birthday Jensen!

Today is Jensen Ackles' 30th birthday. Woo woo for today!


Actually Jensen's birthday was Saturday. :)

Memories!

Happy birthday to me! Yipee. Here are some photos for you to enjoy.

Whatever Happens Is Ok

It really has been a stressful month. I just approximated how many days I will sleep in my own bed between the end of April and the end of May...do you know how many?? About 6 I think. 6 nights in my bed. 6 days with my dog and 6 days of normalcy.

Some people love change and thrive on it. I like it in doses but I also love my routines. I'm a Taurus, we're all about comfort, security and steadfastness. This month is the opposite!

I've seen it in myself over the last few days. I'm less patient, less forgiving (of myself in particular) and I get frustrated easier. Those are not feelings I want to experience while I'm spending 16 days with my family. I just haven't been my perky self the last 2 days and I feel sad for that. I want to be happier and lighter when I'm with my family.

Especially since tomorrow is my birthday!

YAY me!!! I'm so happy to mark another year in my life. And what a year it has been! Absolutely incredible. So many new experiences, new people and new events in my life.

Not sure what I'm doing for my big day. I may get breakfast in bed which would be awesome...that is a family tradition. We give the birthday person breakfast in bed - we even give them a special plate to eat on that says "Happy birthday!". How cute is that?!!

So tomorrow signals another year. I am happy for many improvements I've made but there are still miles to go in other areas...especially my love life.

This stress has made me a bit wiggy and I'm doing things I wouldn't normally do including sending a text message after having a drink (if you know me you'll know one is my limit because I'm so small and don't drink much so my tolerance is incredibly low).

And that's exactly what I did last night.

It wasn't a sappy or stupid message but it was the fact that I had already emailed him this week (twice I think). I had sent photos from Cozumel to him on Monday and Tuesday.

But since I don't do the dating thing or the more than friends thing all that often, I have no idea how much contact is appropriate...or how much is too much. So I decided this was enough contact from me for at least a week.

He doesn't seem to mind my emails and texts because he responds but I'd like for him to initiate a conversation too. No more emails or texts for at least 7 days!!!

So the stress is making me overreact and overanalyze everything because I'm a girl and that's what we do. Aren't we silly?! I just keep reminding myself that whatever happens is ok. The world won't end if I never see him again and it won't end if I do. It won't end if he calls me and it won't end if he doesn't. Whatever happens is ok.

Anyway, that's my story. I'm goofy when it comes to boys. I prefer to lay my cards on the table and say what I think and what I feel...whatever happens after that is what happens.

But it doesn't seem to work out all that well when I take that approach. It seems to be more feasible to test the waters a bit, show some interest and then see if he reciprocates or takes the lead from there.

Dating sucks and I hate IT. Of course this isn't even dating...this is just a romantic interest. At least it's good practice for me so when I am dating I'll have warmed up my rusty self!

Perhaps I'll have a birthday wish from him or maybe not...who knows? We'll see tomorrow. Either way, it's fine. I'm happy, healthy and alive - what could be better?!!!

I'll post pics for you tomorrow - some remembrances from my 30th and Mexico.

Enjoy your day!

Easy Like Sunday Morning

I once met a man who had a gorgeous BMW sedan and he wanted to get personalized plates. So when I asked him what those plates were going to say he told me "Easy Like Sunday Morning".

I was so appalled at the idea of slapping a Lionel Richie song on the front and back end of a sleek German racehorse that I truly couldn't imagine dating him again. Ever. But do you think I listened to that woman's intuition? Nope. I went out with him once more and had the worst date of my entire life.

He took me to a Brewers game...which is always a huge plus in my book (any baseball game for that matter)...but then proceeded to sit in TGIFriday's and watch the game on the TV. The TV! The horror.

The absolute audacity shocked me. He actually told me he thought watching the game on the TV in TGIFriday's was just as good as watching it in the stands.

My dear friends, it is not just as good. It's not even remotely close to being as good. Listening to the game in a hammock in your backyard on the radio with a tall, cool glass of lemonade is better than sitting in friggin' TGIFriday's.

It's an absolute tease to sit near the stands...near the sweet smell of peanuts, the crack of a bat and the soft scent of the newly-mowed grass. An absolute tease. An insult to all true baseball fans everywhere.

And the fact that I explained this to him and he still didn't care told me to ditch him and forget it.

So I finally did and that was that.

My point to this whole story is that it's damn near summer (although you'd never know it by Colorado temperatures and freezing rain), baseball has begun and I'm heading to the ballpark! It's my birthday on the 17th and we're going to catch a Brewers game the weekend after.

Who's coming with me?!