Whatever Happens Is Ok

It really has been a stressful month. I just approximated how many days I will sleep in my own bed between the end of April and the end of May...do you know how many?? About 6 I think. 6 nights in my bed. 6 days with my dog and 6 days of normalcy.

Some people love change and thrive on it. I like it in doses but I also love my routines. I'm a Taurus, we're all about comfort, security and steadfastness. This month is the opposite!

I've seen it in myself over the last few days. I'm less patient, less forgiving (of myself in particular) and I get frustrated easier. Those are not feelings I want to experience while I'm spending 16 days with my family. I just haven't been my perky self the last 2 days and I feel sad for that. I want to be happier and lighter when I'm with my family.

Especially since tomorrow is my birthday!

YAY me!!! I'm so happy to mark another year in my life. And what a year it has been! Absolutely incredible. So many new experiences, new people and new events in my life.

Not sure what I'm doing for my big day. I may get breakfast in bed which would be awesome...that is a family tradition. We give the birthday person breakfast in bed - we even give them a special plate to eat on that says "Happy birthday!". How cute is that?!!

So tomorrow signals another year. I am happy for many improvements I've made but there are still miles to go in other areas...especially my love life.

This stress has made me a bit wiggy and I'm doing things I wouldn't normally do including sending a text message after having a drink (if you know me you'll know one is my limit because I'm so small and don't drink much so my tolerance is incredibly low).

And that's exactly what I did last night.

It wasn't a sappy or stupid message but it was the fact that I had already emailed him this week (twice I think). I had sent photos from Cozumel to him on Monday and Tuesday.

But since I don't do the dating thing or the more than friends thing all that often, I have no idea how much contact is appropriate...or how much is too much. So I decided this was enough contact from me for at least a week.

He doesn't seem to mind my emails and texts because he responds but I'd like for him to initiate a conversation too. No more emails or texts for at least 7 days!!!

So the stress is making me overreact and overanalyze everything because I'm a girl and that's what we do. Aren't we silly?! I just keep reminding myself that whatever happens is ok. The world won't end if I never see him again and it won't end if I do. It won't end if he calls me and it won't end if he doesn't. Whatever happens is ok.

Anyway, that's my story. I'm goofy when it comes to boys. I prefer to lay my cards on the table and say what I think and what I feel...whatever happens after that is what happens.

But it doesn't seem to work out all that well when I take that approach. It seems to be more feasible to test the waters a bit, show some interest and then see if he reciprocates or takes the lead from there.

Dating sucks and I hate IT. Of course this isn't even dating...this is just a romantic interest. At least it's good practice for me so when I am dating I'll have warmed up my rusty self!

Perhaps I'll have a birthday wish from him or maybe not...who knows? We'll see tomorrow. Either way, it's fine. I'm happy, healthy and alive - what could be better?!!!

I'll post pics for you tomorrow - some remembrances from my 30th and Mexico.

Enjoy your day!