For Every Yesterday, There Is a Today

For all the good yesterday did me, today has been the opposite. I cried before 7:30am, thought about him a lot before noon and accidentally found his first email to me and read a sentence or two before I could click away (stupid brain - always reading).


It has been a hard day and it's just past noon. How am I supposed to go on dates when my insides ache for him? It makes no sense.


I know in my heart this is where we both need to be right now but that doesn't make it easier or make the tears stop. It's best to let them out anyway, gotta deal with feelings somehow or they'll just sit there until you do.


It's such a different break-up. I'm accustomed to men leaving because they acted stupidly or didn't love me, found someone else, etc. All of that I have dealt with.


But walking away from love?


That is the most difficult of all break-ups. It makes my heart hurt. I understand the phrase "gut-wrenching". My insides ache when I think about him.


But with yoga and meditation, I better understand that thoughts are just thoughts. Feelings are feelings and letting go of both becomes much easier. It doesn't mean I've let go of my love for him. I don't have to, it will always be in my heart.


HE will always be in heart.


I take comfort in knowing that. It is a warm, safe place I keep for him filled with love, light, laughter and joy.


And if that safe place exists for him then I can and do hold myself there as well. I create that same feeling for me, for my heart and for all the love I have to share with the world.


There is beauty and truth in that which eases my aches, my tears and my heart.

Happy new year

Well it's already been an interesting new year. On one hand I have some things brewing in the career/writing area like a potential relationship advice column in a local mag & web site (will keep you updated on that one!) and a few freelance projects.


On the other hand my personal life took a slight bruising. I got a text message from DB telling me he was seeing someone now.


Yes you read that right: a text message.


I was very polite & wished him well but inside I was ticked. After you reach a certain point in an involvement with someone, breaking things off warrants a phone call if not an in-person chat. We had most definitely gone past that certain point.


Putting that fact aside this was a good lesson for me. I allowed him to treat me poorly and today I have stopped that. From today forward there is no involvement with a man who doesn't show his interest readily, who doesn't call me more than I call him and who basically keeps himself aloof.


I'm done with all of that and I deserve better. Starting today I know I deserve respect, love, friendship and affection and NOT text message or email break-ups.


While there are other men in my rotation no one else has held my interest much. We'll see what the rest of the year holds but I know it is only up from here! It's going to be a fantastic year and no man and no man's text message will deter me.