We've all tried to reach the customer service departments of our multitude of credit card companies, cell phone providers and bank institutions. Currently I'm holding with Paypal. I can't even go into the myriad of trillions of reasons I bloody HATE PAYPAL. The web site won't let me change my address (I recently moved...for the 8th time in 2 years..that's not an exaggeration folks. The address book makers adore me and all of my friends hate me for the same reason). I can't confirm my new address because I don't have a landline and I'm not at any of the old addresses they have on file. I've been passed around between Customer Service, the Resolutions Department (who knew they couldn't resolve something in the one department designed just for that - resolutions??) and now I'm back to the Customer Service Department. The CS people are in the process of passing me off yet again to the Resolutions Department.
Now I understand they must run a very secure site..hell I want them to because I've got bank accounts and credit card info on it. But how many of us today have landline phone numbers? A good majority of folks today have only cell phones. I live and die with mine. So why not update this one little blip? Why must I spend 45 minutes explaining my predicament to 5 different people? Paypal serves a purpose and for the most part it does it pretty well. But after the hoops I've had to run through to simply change my bleepin' address, I curse it! And I will never allow clients to pay me through Paypal EVER EVER again.
Wish me luck- I'm still holding.
Monday, October 09, 2006
Saturday, October 07, 2006
7 on Saturday
Since this is my blog, I'm allowed to be self-absorbed so here's another list all about me. :)
7 Things You May Not Know About Me:
1.) I have a heart murmur. Yep, I have to take meds for it whenever I have any dental work done or if I ever get an infection because the germs can get directly into my bloodstream and injure my heart. Know you know why I'm a bit nervous about giving birth!
2.) I have 7 siblings. 7. It's complicated but I really only grew up with two of them and I consider them my family.
3.) I was raised by my dad & basically lived as an only child til I was 11. I still have some selfish-only-child moments..like when it comes to sharing dessert!
4.) I had a German Shepherd/Siberian Husky mix dog as a child. His name was BoJo and he was a sweetheart.
5.) When I was a child, I wanted to be an archaeologist, a psychologist, a teacher, a rock singer, a baseball TV or radio announcer, a forensic psychiatrist and a writer. Today, I'm the writer.
6.) I've only broken one bone in my body: my ankle bone. It's still cracked today. But at least it works!!! Thanks to the miracle of physical therapy.
7.) My first kiss was at the age of 15. And the rest we'll save for another day!!
7 Things You May Not Know About Me:
1.) I have a heart murmur. Yep, I have to take meds for it whenever I have any dental work done or if I ever get an infection because the germs can get directly into my bloodstream and injure my heart. Know you know why I'm a bit nervous about giving birth!
2.) I have 7 siblings. 7. It's complicated but I really only grew up with two of them and I consider them my family.
3.) I was raised by my dad & basically lived as an only child til I was 11. I still have some selfish-only-child moments..like when it comes to sharing dessert!
4.) I had a German Shepherd/Siberian Husky mix dog as a child. His name was BoJo and he was a sweetheart.
5.) When I was a child, I wanted to be an archaeologist, a psychologist, a teacher, a rock singer, a baseball TV or radio announcer, a forensic psychiatrist and a writer. Today, I'm the writer.
6.) I've only broken one bone in my body: my ankle bone. It's still cracked today. But at least it works!!! Thanks to the miracle of physical therapy.
7.) My first kiss was at the age of 15. And the rest we'll save for another day!!
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
On being short...
Living in the land of non-short folks has some disadvantages. I top out at 5'1" (on a tall day) and there are some side effects to my limited stature. One of those became apparent today at Kmart when I tried to reach for something on the top aisle. So here are my five reasons being short sucks:
1. You can't reach a damn thing at the supermarket/department store/any other store not built for midgets. It's true, I took up rock climbing just so I could contort my body to reach those 3rd and 4th shelves.
2. No pants fit your tiny legs. Petite size my ass. Have you ever looked at stuff in the Petite Dept? It's made for little ole blue-haired ladies over 85. There isn't a damn thing in there for a sexy woman like me.
3. No one can find you in a crowd - at least not without neon-colored clothing or your own personal bullhorn.
4. You get stepped on and pushed around in those same crowds. Nothing is worse than being small, being stepped on and being pushed around by people who are bigger than you (which seems to be anyone over the age 12).
5. And the fifth reason? Most of the men you are interested in are at least 6 feet tall...and like tall chicks.
1. You can't reach a damn thing at the supermarket/department store/any other store not built for midgets. It's true, I took up rock climbing just so I could contort my body to reach those 3rd and 4th shelves.
2. No pants fit your tiny legs. Petite size my ass. Have you ever looked at stuff in the Petite Dept? It's made for little ole blue-haired ladies over 85. There isn't a damn thing in there for a sexy woman like me.
3. No one can find you in a crowd - at least not without neon-colored clothing or your own personal bullhorn.
4. You get stepped on and pushed around in those same crowds. Nothing is worse than being small, being stepped on and being pushed around by people who are bigger than you (which seems to be anyone over the age 12).
5. And the fifth reason? Most of the men you are interested in are at least 6 feet tall...and like tall chicks.
Friday, September 22, 2006
ME
:) I love these quizzes so here's another one.
1. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR KITCHEN PLATES? My plates are currently in a box somewhere in my living room-I'm moving tomorrow-but last I saw them (13 months ago), they were white.
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? A book about speed reading people (body language) and a fiction novel about a woman who is pregnant by her married lover.
3. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Don't have one!
4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Does strip Twister count? If not, Chutes & Ladders, Monopoly, Candyland and Trivial Pursuit.
5. FAVORITE MAGAZINES? I don't buy any...but I like some of the girlie ones like Cosmo and Glamour. I also like Writers Digest, and Real Simple.
6. LEAST FAVORITE SMELL? My roommate's dog - she doesn't seem to clean up after him very well.
7. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? Um, I usually think about rolling over again and snuggling back under the covers for a few minutes. Then I think I should get up and check my email.
8. FAVORITE COLOR? dark blue, purple, grey, deep brown and maroon.
9. LEAST FAVORTIE COLOR? hot pink...of the spandex variety
10. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? Depends who it is and if I recognize the number.
11. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME. No clue - I'd rather discuss that with my husband when I'm pregnant.
12. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE? Love, respect, friendship and understanding.
13. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Chocolate baby...chocolate. If you remember nothing else about me, remember that.
14. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? Depends on the car I'm driving and how fast we're talking.
15. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? Yep - two of 'em...my teddy bear named Henry and a small stuffed Goofy my brother gave me.
16. STORMS - COOL OR SCARY? Love 'em...as long as there are no tornadoes involved.
17. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST Oldsmobile I think...
18. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE WHO WOULD IT BE? Wow, fascinating question. Can I say Jesus or Muhammad? Maybe Babe Ruth too or Lou Gehrig.
19. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? ILots - cranberry and vodka, wheat beers, German Rieslings, greyhounds, sake, Patron tequila.
20. WHAT IS YOUR SIGN & BIRTHDAY? My birthday is May 17 and my sign is Taurus with lots of Capricorn in my chart.
21. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB WHAT WOULD IT BE? I'd travel and I'd write and probably paint, make pottery, save the rainforests and heal sick children. Is there a job like that? No? Ok, I'll do it sans a job.
22. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY COLOR HAIR, WHAT WOULD IT BE? A lighter blonde shade then what I have now - maybe some strawberry highlights tossed in for good measure.
23. NUMBER OF SIBLINGS YOU HAVE: Technically 7 but just two really..it's complicated.
24. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Most definitely.
25. FAVORITE MOVIE? Wow, there are lots. Princess Bride, Bull Durham, Shawshank Redemption, Dogma, Harold & Kumar, The Notebook, etc. There are too many to list here.
26. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? Yep a do.
27. WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED? Nothing today - it's all sitting in my living room waiting to be packed up and moved. YAY!!!!
28. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 17, 7 and 9.
29. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? In person? Baseball, soccer & football. On TV during the month of March, college hoops. Otherwise I only catch an occasional football game on TV.
30. WHAT IS YOUR SINGLE BIGGEST FEAR? Not fulfilling my potential and any harm coming to my brother and sister.
31. FAVORITE CD? Probably my Prince triple disc greatest hits but again, it's hard to pick just one. John Mayer's Room for Squares is up there too.
35. KETCHUP OR MUSTARD? Catsup..learn to spell.
36. HAMBURGER OR HOTDOG? Neither unless they are the tofu variety.
37. FAVORITE SOFT DRINK? Several: Mtn. Dew, Sun-Drop, Cherry Coke and Coke in a bottle.
38. THE BEST PLACES YOU HAVE EVER BEEN? Hmm..lots of places but anywhere with a gorgeous sunset, a warm blanket and a handsome man.
39. WHAT SCREEN SAVER IS ON YOUR COMPUTER RIGHT NOW? Some standard screensaver - I can't get any other ones to work.
40. BURGER KING OR MCDONALDS? I don't really eat at those places. If it's gotta be fast food, it's either Quizno's, Taco Bell or something that isn't completely meat-based in its offerings.
41. SOMETHING YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE? Lots!!! Publish my book, invest in a few pieces of real estate, live off of passive income, climb a mountain, finish a couple of 14ers, hike the rainforests, fall madly and passionately in love and marry him, have a couple of kids, learn to tango, donate a million dollars to Oprah's Angel Network, travel to Micronesia, Hawaii, Belize, Argentina, Costa Rica, Guatemala, Nepal, the Caribbean, Spain, England, Portugal, Scotland, Chile, Peru, the Cook Islands, Ethiopia, South Africa, Egypt, Morocco, Japan, China (to see Giant Pandas!!!)..and pretty much every other place out there except Oklahoma, the Dakotas and Texas. Lots and lots and lots of things!
1. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR KITCHEN PLATES? My plates are currently in a box somewhere in my living room-I'm moving tomorrow-but last I saw them (13 months ago), they were white.
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? A book about speed reading people (body language) and a fiction novel about a woman who is pregnant by her married lover.
3. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Don't have one!
4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Does strip Twister count? If not, Chutes & Ladders, Monopoly, Candyland and Trivial Pursuit.
5. FAVORITE MAGAZINES? I don't buy any...but I like some of the girlie ones like Cosmo and Glamour. I also like Writers Digest, and Real Simple.
6. LEAST FAVORITE SMELL? My roommate's dog - she doesn't seem to clean up after him very well.
7. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? Um, I usually think about rolling over again and snuggling back under the covers for a few minutes. Then I think I should get up and check my email.
8. FAVORITE COLOR? dark blue, purple, grey, deep brown and maroon.
9. LEAST FAVORTIE COLOR? hot pink...of the spandex variety
10. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? Depends who it is and if I recognize the number.
11. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME. No clue - I'd rather discuss that with my husband when I'm pregnant.
12. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE? Love, respect, friendship and understanding.
13. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Chocolate baby...chocolate. If you remember nothing else about me, remember that.
14. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? Depends on the car I'm driving and how fast we're talking.
15. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? Yep - two of 'em...my teddy bear named Henry and a small stuffed Goofy my brother gave me.
16. STORMS - COOL OR SCARY? Love 'em...as long as there are no tornadoes involved.
17. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST Oldsmobile I think...
18. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE WHO WOULD IT BE? Wow, fascinating question. Can I say Jesus or Muhammad? Maybe Babe Ruth too or Lou Gehrig.
19. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? ILots - cranberry and vodka, wheat beers, German Rieslings, greyhounds, sake, Patron tequila.
20. WHAT IS YOUR SIGN & BIRTHDAY? My birthday is May 17 and my sign is Taurus with lots of Capricorn in my chart.
21. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB WHAT WOULD IT BE? I'd travel and I'd write and probably paint, make pottery, save the rainforests and heal sick children. Is there a job like that? No? Ok, I'll do it sans a job.
22. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY COLOR HAIR, WHAT WOULD IT BE? A lighter blonde shade then what I have now - maybe some strawberry highlights tossed in for good measure.
23. NUMBER OF SIBLINGS YOU HAVE: Technically 7 but just two really..it's complicated.
24. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Most definitely.
25. FAVORITE MOVIE? Wow, there are lots. Princess Bride, Bull Durham, Shawshank Redemption, Dogma, Harold & Kumar, The Notebook, etc. There are too many to list here.
26. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? Yep a do.
27. WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED? Nothing today - it's all sitting in my living room waiting to be packed up and moved. YAY!!!!
28. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 17, 7 and 9.
29. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? In person? Baseball, soccer & football. On TV during the month of March, college hoops. Otherwise I only catch an occasional football game on TV.
30. WHAT IS YOUR SINGLE BIGGEST FEAR? Not fulfilling my potential and any harm coming to my brother and sister.
31. FAVORITE CD? Probably my Prince triple disc greatest hits but again, it's hard to pick just one. John Mayer's Room for Squares is up there too.
35. KETCHUP OR MUSTARD? Catsup..learn to spell.
36. HAMBURGER OR HOTDOG? Neither unless they are the tofu variety.
37. FAVORITE SOFT DRINK? Several: Mtn. Dew, Sun-Drop, Cherry Coke and Coke in a bottle.
38. THE BEST PLACES YOU HAVE EVER BEEN? Hmm..lots of places but anywhere with a gorgeous sunset, a warm blanket and a handsome man.
39. WHAT SCREEN SAVER IS ON YOUR COMPUTER RIGHT NOW? Some standard screensaver - I can't get any other ones to work.
40. BURGER KING OR MCDONALDS? I don't really eat at those places. If it's gotta be fast food, it's either Quizno's, Taco Bell or something that isn't completely meat-based in its offerings.
41. SOMETHING YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE? Lots!!! Publish my book, invest in a few pieces of real estate, live off of passive income, climb a mountain, finish a couple of 14ers, hike the rainforests, fall madly and passionately in love and marry him, have a couple of kids, learn to tango, donate a million dollars to Oprah's Angel Network, travel to Micronesia, Hawaii, Belize, Argentina, Costa Rica, Guatemala, Nepal, the Caribbean, Spain, England, Portugal, Scotland, Chile, Peru, the Cook Islands, Ethiopia, South Africa, Egypt, Morocco, Japan, China (to see Giant Pandas!!!)..and pretty much every other place out there except Oklahoma, the Dakotas and Texas. Lots and lots and lots of things!
Friday Five
1. What was your biggest accomplishment this year? Well the year's not over but I'd have to put getting fired on the top five things I've done this year. -smirk- In all seriousness, my biggest accomplishment this year has been starting my business and getting new clients. It's been a dream of mine for awhile and it's now a reality. And finishing the first draft of my Maww book was pretty big too!
2. What was your biggest disappointment? Huh..not sure. I guess not being able to leave my job on my terms. It has definitely worked out for the best though so I choose not to dwell on it.
3. Will you be making any New Year's resolutions? Christ no, I hate those things. I don't believe in resolutions - I believe in change. If you need a reason to change something, YOU should be reason enough.
4. Where will you be at midnight? I hate midnight of NYE unless I have a boy to kiss. Otherwise, I'd rather be asleep or on a dance floor somewhere completely intoxicated.
5. Aside from (possibly) staying up late, do you have any other New Year's traditions? Not really - for several years I spent it with friends from college and last year I spent it with Colorado friends in Estes Park.
2. What was your biggest disappointment? Huh..not sure. I guess not being able to leave my job on my terms. It has definitely worked out for the best though so I choose not to dwell on it.
3. Will you be making any New Year's resolutions? Christ no, I hate those things. I don't believe in resolutions - I believe in change. If you need a reason to change something, YOU should be reason enough.
4. Where will you be at midnight? I hate midnight of NYE unless I have a boy to kiss. Otherwise, I'd rather be asleep or on a dance floor somewhere completely intoxicated.
5. Aside from (possibly) staying up late, do you have any other New Year's traditions? Not really - for several years I spent it with friends from college and last year I spent it with Colorado friends in Estes Park.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Inconsiderate
There are many things in this world I can tolerate - whiney pop stars, the layer of smog over Denver, crappy drivers and people who can't manage their children and then put themselves on TV for all the world to see (why the F would you want the world to know what a shitty parent you are? You should be burying your head in the sand..and your child's head too for that matter because no one wants to be around your snot-nosed ill-mannered devil spawn). I can tolerate that shit...barely.
But I have come to one conclusion this weekend about what I cannot tolerate: inconsiderate people of this world. Currently there are two of them in my life. One is a former friend who has consistently stood me up for evenings out over the last two months. She stood me up twice this weekend. That's the last time that will happen.
The other is my roommate. She has a new puppy. There was never any mention of a possibility of a dog in my apartment. There was no discussion about how I might feel having a 5 pound mutt shitting and pissing all over my place of domicile. No thoughts about how much I HATE smelling like a dog and picking dog hair off of everything I own. None of that.
Personally I do love dogs. But there's a reason I don't have one right now. And honestly there's no reason for my roommate to have one. We're talking about the girl who can't put her damn dirty dishes in the dishwasher until they are smelly and growing bacterial cultures. How the fuck does she think she's going to care for a dog? Not very well that's how. Which is exactly why I am convinced there will be piss on the floor and dogshit around every corner...and that is why I'm angry. If she could take care of it and not bother me with any of it, that would be just fine and dandy. But I'm 98% sure it's not going to go down that way.
And this appears to be a co-purchase with her infant boyfriend (I call anyone between the ages of 18-23 an infant..if you are 24-26 you're a toddler...27-29 is a tween and 30-34 is a teen). Brilliant idea - I'm sure they thought it would be good preparation for when they have children. Again, brilliant.
Who wants to lay bets they'll be on one of those goddamn awful parenting reality TV shows in the next 5 years? Heaven help me to get out of this place.
But I have come to one conclusion this weekend about what I cannot tolerate: inconsiderate people of this world. Currently there are two of them in my life. One is a former friend who has consistently stood me up for evenings out over the last two months. She stood me up twice this weekend. That's the last time that will happen.
The other is my roommate. She has a new puppy. There was never any mention of a possibility of a dog in my apartment. There was no discussion about how I might feel having a 5 pound mutt shitting and pissing all over my place of domicile. No thoughts about how much I HATE smelling like a dog and picking dog hair off of everything I own. None of that.
Personally I do love dogs. But there's a reason I don't have one right now. And honestly there's no reason for my roommate to have one. We're talking about the girl who can't put her damn dirty dishes in the dishwasher until they are smelly and growing bacterial cultures. How the fuck does she think she's going to care for a dog? Not very well that's how. Which is exactly why I am convinced there will be piss on the floor and dogshit around every corner...and that is why I'm angry. If she could take care of it and not bother me with any of it, that would be just fine and dandy. But I'm 98% sure it's not going to go down that way.
And this appears to be a co-purchase with her infant boyfriend (I call anyone between the ages of 18-23 an infant..if you are 24-26 you're a toddler...27-29 is a tween and 30-34 is a teen). Brilliant idea - I'm sure they thought it would be good preparation for when they have children. Again, brilliant.
Who wants to lay bets they'll be on one of those goddamn awful parenting reality TV shows in the next 5 years? Heaven help me to get out of this place.
This is so me..
Except for the angry part...
Not so sure about this one though...
This however is SO me...
Hopefully this is me ;)...
This I LOVE!
| Your Love Life Secrets Are |
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Not so sure about this one though...
| You Should Drive a Bentley Azure |
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This however is SO me...
| Your Aura is Blue |
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| What Your Soul Really Looks Like |
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Hopefully this is me ;)...
| Your Kissing Technique Is: Perfect |
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| Your Personality Is |
|
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| The Keys to Your Heart |
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This I LOVE!
| Your Fortune Is |
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More Fun Quizzes
What can I say, I got stood up for brunch..by the same person who stood me up Friday night. Why she thinks she is a friend of mine is beyond me. Perhaps because I let her eh?! No more of that!!
| Your Porn Star Name Is... |
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| Your Heart Is Blue |
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| Your Love Style is Storge |
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| Your Kissing Purity Score: 46% Pure |
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| You Are The Lovers |
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Clearly I Have Problems
I love these stupid things...and I seem to have acquired ADD in recent years. I can't just watch TV (football today) and sit on my ass. I have to be doing something else! Today, it's quizzes..even though I do have work to do. :)
| You Are 43% Passionate, 57% Compassionate |
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| Your Stripper Song Is |
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| What Your Underwear Says About You |
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Woo hoo!
Here are more fun quiz thingies:
| You Should Be a Romance Novelist |
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Personality Quizzes
Let's see if I can actually make this work!
| You Are A Chestnut Tree |
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Friday, September 15, 2006
Three for Thursday
I was reading an article about something called the "monkey mind". Basically it is a state of mind where we constantly compare ourselves to others and criticize ourselves for not being absolutely perfect at everything.
I suffer from this thought process in one fashion or another on a regular basis. I don't necessarily compare myself to others - I push myself to constantly do more and be more. While this is good in some moments, I can be overly-critical. Daily I critique myself and what I've "accomplished" in the day. If I go to my temp job, come home and don't start working immediately..my mental nag kicks in. Every day my mental nag finds another thing to nitpick about. And that's not healthy.
So instead of nagging today, I'm going to list my three for Thursdays.
Three Most Beautiful Sights I've Seen
1. Sunset over Key West.
2. My sister walk to the stage at her high school graduation.
3. My brother's smile when I come home for a visit.
Three Most Joyful Moments of My Life
1. The births of my brother & sister.
2. The day I drove to Denver to follow my dreams.
3. Any moment when my mind is quiet and I truly experience the essence of that moment and of existence.
I suffer from this thought process in one fashion or another on a regular basis. I don't necessarily compare myself to others - I push myself to constantly do more and be more. While this is good in some moments, I can be overly-critical. Daily I critique myself and what I've "accomplished" in the day. If I go to my temp job, come home and don't start working immediately..my mental nag kicks in. Every day my mental nag finds another thing to nitpick about. And that's not healthy.
So instead of nagging today, I'm going to list my three for Thursdays.
Three Most Beautiful Sights I've Seen
1. Sunset over Key West.
2. My sister walk to the stage at her high school graduation.
3. My brother's smile when I come home for a visit.
Three Most Joyful Moments of My Life
1. The births of my brother & sister.
2. The day I drove to Denver to follow my dreams.
3. Any moment when my mind is quiet and I truly experience the essence of that moment and of existence.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
True Love
I've often wondered what keeps two people together in a relationship. The longest I've been with a man was 2 years and that was decades ago (ok, it was only a few years back but it feels like at least a decade ago). I'm a huge fan of Walk the Line, the movie based on Johnny Cash's life. Whenever I feel like giving up on love or settling for less than what my heart truly wants, I watch that movie. Even though I don't get any closer to any answer on life-long love, I do feel better..even inspired.
But here's my big question then - and I may come off as a bitch so forgive me if you don't like it. Nix that, kiss my ass if you don't, you've been warned - what kind of love do most people think they have when they get married? Certainly a Johnny-June Carter Cash doesn't happen to everyone. If it didn't, maybe we wouldn't have so many divorces in our country. (Or maybe people just give up when it gets tough..I don't know). Or then again maybe everyone thinks they have that kind of love but they let it fade as life takes over. I wish I knew.
At a friend's BBQ recently a group of us were discussing living together before marriage. I don't want to do it personally - not unless he & I have agreed we are getting married. Preferably we could move in together after becoming engaged. A few people - both men AND women - argued in favor of living together as a trial run. I strongly disagree with this. If you genuinely love someone how could living together change that? And if it does why the hell didn't you see those traits before? Here's an interesting article on living together negatively affecting marriages.
Maybe I'm naive but I do believe true love between two grown, mature and good persons shouldn't be broken by how the person squeezes their toothpaste, or leaving the toilet seat up and their dirty clothes on the floor. Do those things really matter? And if they do how can you argue that you genuinely love the other person? I don't believe you can but then again, I don't believe in divorce. Yes my parents are split up and it was most definitely for the best. My birth mother has serious issues and both my father and I were better off without her in our lives. But they were both young and not ready for marriage. Maybe this is the case in some divorces but I don't think it holds true for all of them. I do believe people are just plain stupid sometimes. Everyone makes mistakes and I do try not to judge harshly when I hear of yet another couple splitting up. I feel strongly about this but I have also been fortunate enough to get to this point in my life and to come to this belief on my own.
Unlike many children of divorced parents, I have been incredibly blessed to life under the umbrella of a healthy marriage. After 7 years of dating, my stepmom & dad did marry and are quite happy together. They have their disagreements and my dad has his pig-headed moments but overall they love each other. They're still affectionate and loving towards each other. My mom (she is my stepmom but I call her Mom) always says she just knew my dad was the man for her. She knew they would spend their lives together.
And those words my friends give me hope. Personally I've always known when I've loved a man and I've known when there was potential to marry him. Clearly it hasn't worked out or I wouldn't be writing this as a very, very single woman..but that's beside the point!
I suppose the main point is to know yourself and take the time to know your partner. I'm a big fan of Oprah's Twenty Questions to Ask Before You Get Married. Of course I am just a big fan of most anything Oprah-related but there are some very valuable insights to be found in these questions and the answers you both give. Although I've never been close to the matrimonial vows myself I have spent a great deal of time thinking about what I want from myself, from him and from our relationship together. Maybe it's not the perfect recipe for a healthy relationship/marriage but I do see the merit in it and I hope one day I can put it to the test!
But here's my big question then - and I may come off as a bitch so forgive me if you don't like it. Nix that, kiss my ass if you don't, you've been warned - what kind of love do most people think they have when they get married? Certainly a Johnny-June Carter Cash doesn't happen to everyone. If it didn't, maybe we wouldn't have so many divorces in our country. (Or maybe people just give up when it gets tough..I don't know). Or then again maybe everyone thinks they have that kind of love but they let it fade as life takes over. I wish I knew.
At a friend's BBQ recently a group of us were discussing living together before marriage. I don't want to do it personally - not unless he & I have agreed we are getting married. Preferably we could move in together after becoming engaged. A few people - both men AND women - argued in favor of living together as a trial run. I strongly disagree with this. If you genuinely love someone how could living together change that? And if it does why the hell didn't you see those traits before? Here's an interesting article on living together negatively affecting marriages.
Maybe I'm naive but I do believe true love between two grown, mature and good persons shouldn't be broken by how the person squeezes their toothpaste, or leaving the toilet seat up and their dirty clothes on the floor. Do those things really matter? And if they do how can you argue that you genuinely love the other person? I don't believe you can but then again, I don't believe in divorce. Yes my parents are split up and it was most definitely for the best. My birth mother has serious issues and both my father and I were better off without her in our lives. But they were both young and not ready for marriage. Maybe this is the case in some divorces but I don't think it holds true for all of them. I do believe people are just plain stupid sometimes. Everyone makes mistakes and I do try not to judge harshly when I hear of yet another couple splitting up. I feel strongly about this but I have also been fortunate enough to get to this point in my life and to come to this belief on my own.
Unlike many children of divorced parents, I have been incredibly blessed to life under the umbrella of a healthy marriage. After 7 years of dating, my stepmom & dad did marry and are quite happy together. They have their disagreements and my dad has his pig-headed moments but overall they love each other. They're still affectionate and loving towards each other. My mom (she is my stepmom but I call her Mom) always says she just knew my dad was the man for her. She knew they would spend their lives together.
And those words my friends give me hope. Personally I've always known when I've loved a man and I've known when there was potential to marry him. Clearly it hasn't worked out or I wouldn't be writing this as a very, very single woman..but that's beside the point!
I suppose the main point is to know yourself and take the time to know your partner. I'm a big fan of Oprah's Twenty Questions to Ask Before You Get Married. Of course I am just a big fan of most anything Oprah-related but there are some very valuable insights to be found in these questions and the answers you both give. Although I've never been close to the matrimonial vows myself I have spent a great deal of time thinking about what I want from myself, from him and from our relationship together. Maybe it's not the perfect recipe for a healthy relationship/marriage but I do see the merit in it and I hope one day I can put it to the test!
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Idiots
Well the entire world is full of 'em..we all know this. Whether it's the jackass who drives 20 over the speed limit in the construction zone (saw it yesterday hand to God) or the jerk-off who throws eggs at a building because you don't like the person who lives there (come on, at least graduate to flaming dogshit ok?). Or the moron who can't shut his dog up after 11pm at night - if you can't control your dog, you don't deserve him. If I can show a 100 pound animal who's boss so can you .. because I bet you weigh at least 75 pounds more than I do and you stand a foot taller. So don't let a girl outsmart you, you sissy pants.
If you're reading this, you're probably not one of them (unless you are one of my Xs..then you might be slightly idiotic but do read on).
However my LEAST favorite idiot is the racist. Perhaps you live in the penthouse suites on Broadway & 8th Ave. So what? Maybe you're part of the Cherry Creek Country Club..big fuckin' deal. I'm glad you earn so much you can throw thousands of dollars at white rich snobs who have nothing better to do than pay people to spend time with them. Hooray for fuckin' you. I personally don't have to pay people to be my friend so suck on that.
My point is this: it doesn't matter who you are, where you live, what you drive, what you do for a living or how big your damn house is. Jack asses come in all shapes, sizes, creeds, colors and demographics. I've found racists who make $12,000 a year supposedly "helping" those in need. You can't help people if you don't try to understand them. There are always the members of the all-boys clubs who make more money than I've imagined and they feel threatened talking to a black man.
And then there are the members of the "white flight" suburbs. Yeah, I don't like your philosophies very much. You may not think you are racist and perhaps you aren't...but perhaps your stereotypes are more veiled and hidden. That's what racism has become today - veiled and hidden. It's not better than it was when Dr. King was alive or Malcolm X. It's just better hidden. As a white woman, have you ever walked into a suburban chain restaurant with a black man? I have. And I've seen the narrowed eyes, the blatant stares and even intense dislike. Racism is alive and flourishing in our country and you're naive if you believe otherwise.
I don't pretend to have all the answers. If I did, you can bet your ass I'd be Hilary's campaign manager for the 2008 elections. And we'd WIN. We'd kick ass. But there are things we can all do. How about helping to fix our neighbors instead of running to your cookie cutter neighborhood with "better schools" and a shitload of Wal-Marts nearby? Fine if you want to live where there are good schools for your children, I respect that. But don't turn your back on the city and let it fall to ruin while you shop out of the Pottery Barn catalog. That's why our country has turned to crap people - no one bothers to pitch and help their fellow neighbor. Even if you live in the suburbs or a not-so-metro area, odds are good your neighbors aren't the same race you are. Working together and within our diverse communities is the only way we'll ever overcome racial issues.
All it takes is a little time and concerted efforts from others to improve our community. If everyone in every city around our nation put in an extra hour or two every month we'd make marked improvements. I can say I make the effort - can you?
If you're reading this, you're probably not one of them (unless you are one of my Xs..then you might be slightly idiotic but do read on).
However my LEAST favorite idiot is the racist. Perhaps you live in the penthouse suites on Broadway & 8th Ave. So what? Maybe you're part of the Cherry Creek Country Club..big fuckin' deal. I'm glad you earn so much you can throw thousands of dollars at white rich snobs who have nothing better to do than pay people to spend time with them. Hooray for fuckin' you. I personally don't have to pay people to be my friend so suck on that.
My point is this: it doesn't matter who you are, where you live, what you drive, what you do for a living or how big your damn house is. Jack asses come in all shapes, sizes, creeds, colors and demographics. I've found racists who make $12,000 a year supposedly "helping" those in need. You can't help people if you don't try to understand them. There are always the members of the all-boys clubs who make more money than I've imagined and they feel threatened talking to a black man.
And then there are the members of the "white flight" suburbs. Yeah, I don't like your philosophies very much. You may not think you are racist and perhaps you aren't...but perhaps your stereotypes are more veiled and hidden. That's what racism has become today - veiled and hidden. It's not better than it was when Dr. King was alive or Malcolm X. It's just better hidden. As a white woman, have you ever walked into a suburban chain restaurant with a black man? I have. And I've seen the narrowed eyes, the blatant stares and even intense dislike. Racism is alive and flourishing in our country and you're naive if you believe otherwise.
I don't pretend to have all the answers. If I did, you can bet your ass I'd be Hilary's campaign manager for the 2008 elections. And we'd WIN. We'd kick ass. But there are things we can all do. How about helping to fix our neighbors instead of running to your cookie cutter neighborhood with "better schools" and a shitload of Wal-Marts nearby? Fine if you want to live where there are good schools for your children, I respect that. But don't turn your back on the city and let it fall to ruin while you shop out of the Pottery Barn catalog. That's why our country has turned to crap people - no one bothers to pitch and help their fellow neighbor. Even if you live in the suburbs or a not-so-metro area, odds are good your neighbors aren't the same race you are. Working together and within our diverse communities is the only way we'll ever overcome racial issues.
All it takes is a little time and concerted efforts from others to improve our community. If everyone in every city around our nation put in an extra hour or two every month we'd make marked improvements. I can say I make the effort - can you?
Saturday, August 26, 2006
A Few Things to Add
To the hate list:
I hate people who don't call to cancel their plans with you. It takes 10 seconds to call and say you can't make it. It takes hours for the other person to figure out you aren't going to be around like you said you would. That's not ok to do to someone you call your friend.
My roommate is a consumer. She owns about twice as many things than I do and she continues to buy on weekends. It's nice to know my hard-earned money is going to support her crap-buying habit.
The man who lives above me has no concept of how loud his TV and/or techno music.
I hate the people on my block who don't know how to get their dogs to shut the hell up.
To the Thankful List:
Not much, I'm pretty bitchy right now.
I hate people who don't call to cancel their plans with you. It takes 10 seconds to call and say you can't make it. It takes hours for the other person to figure out you aren't going to be around like you said you would. That's not ok to do to someone you call your friend.
My roommate is a consumer. She owns about twice as many things than I do and she continues to buy on weekends. It's nice to know my hard-earned money is going to support her crap-buying habit.
The man who lives above me has no concept of how loud his TV and/or techno music.
I hate the people on my block who don't know how to get their dogs to shut the hell up.
To the Thankful List:
Not much, I'm pretty bitchy right now.
Seven Things I Am Thankful For Today
As a nice opposing piece to what's written below, I submit to you my list of seven things I am appreciative for today, right now.
1. Life.
Every single day is a possibility, a fresh start. For the first time in many, many years I actually enjoy getting out of bed every morning. Yes I only step into my living room to work and I usually do it in my slip or bunny PJ pants. To some that may seem irresponsible or unfocused or whatever, something not quite reputable enough to deserve merit. But I love it. I love working on the variety of projects I have currently. The money is sure to follow.
2. Love.
No not that kind of love. No romantic dates or such of late but just love in general. It's a wonderful thing to be able to love another fellow human being regardless of their feelings for you. Knowing you are capable of loving someone is a feat worth celebrating.
3. Friendships.
New and old. Far and wide. Near and not-so-near. I am happy to have friends. As the cheesy saying goes "Friends are the chocolate chips in the cookies of life." Cutesy but true.
4. My sister.
She's brilliant, beautiful and slightly crazy (but in the best possible way). She's hilarious and I miss her every day. She's going to take over that campus so watch out Viterbo!
5. My brother.
He is wonderful...possibly the best teenage boy on the planet. Although he seems to love video games more than I would've hoped, he is smart, funny and kind. He calls me to ask how I am doing - not many 15 year olds do that. And he lets me hug him in public and tell him I love him. Boys don't do that..but he does. And he's not a sissy pants either. I'd kick your ass in a heartbeat for saying so.
6. Possibilities.
There is a reason Herbie Hancock titled his latest album "Possibilities" (which is a pretty damn good album; you should check it out). Life is one continual possibility and we only need open our eyes and our eyes..most importantly our hearts...to discover what lies around us.
7. Laughter.
Laughter is one of the best things ever. It saves me every day. I try to find the humor in everything that happens. For instance, when my hard drive crashed and the tech told me it would $150 to replace it, I didn't cry. Nope, I laughed. It was absolutely absurd to me that these things would happen to me right now. Of course I did cry a little when I had to add another $100 on to that to upgrade my OS. But there is humor in it..somewhat twisted and sadistic humor but humor nonetheless.
1. Life.
Every single day is a possibility, a fresh start. For the first time in many, many years I actually enjoy getting out of bed every morning. Yes I only step into my living room to work and I usually do it in my slip or bunny PJ pants. To some that may seem irresponsible or unfocused or whatever, something not quite reputable enough to deserve merit. But I love it. I love working on the variety of projects I have currently. The money is sure to follow.
2. Love.
No not that kind of love. No romantic dates or such of late but just love in general. It's a wonderful thing to be able to love another fellow human being regardless of their feelings for you. Knowing you are capable of loving someone is a feat worth celebrating.
3. Friendships.
New and old. Far and wide. Near and not-so-near. I am happy to have friends. As the cheesy saying goes "Friends are the chocolate chips in the cookies of life." Cutesy but true.
4. My sister.
She's brilliant, beautiful and slightly crazy (but in the best possible way). She's hilarious and I miss her every day. She's going to take over that campus so watch out Viterbo!
5. My brother.
He is wonderful...possibly the best teenage boy on the planet. Although he seems to love video games more than I would've hoped, he is smart, funny and kind. He calls me to ask how I am doing - not many 15 year olds do that. And he lets me hug him in public and tell him I love him. Boys don't do that..but he does. And he's not a sissy pants either. I'd kick your ass in a heartbeat for saying so.
6. Possibilities.
There is a reason Herbie Hancock titled his latest album "Possibilities" (which is a pretty damn good album; you should check it out). Life is one continual possibility and we only need open our eyes and our eyes..most importantly our hearts...to discover what lies around us.
7. Laughter.
Laughter is one of the best things ever. It saves me every day. I try to find the humor in everything that happens. For instance, when my hard drive crashed and the tech told me it would $150 to replace it, I didn't cry. Nope, I laughed. It was absolutely absurd to me that these things would happen to me right now. Of course I did cry a little when I had to add another $100 on to that to upgrade my OS. But there is humor in it..somewhat twisted and sadistic humor but humor nonetheless.
Top Seven Things I Hate About My Life Right Now
I haven't had a bitch-a-thon in awhile. Today I feel the need to vent. Here are the top seven things I hate about my life right now. Don't worry, I'll follow it up with my favorite seven things in a minute.
1. My apartment.
Well the apartment is nice but my bedroom is a dank, dark hole. I am sure prison cells get more light. And my room ain't much bigger than a cell. I HATE it.
2. Ah, money.
Yeah that one is pretty obvious so we won't dwell on it. It will all work out soon I am absolutely positively certain.
3. Being alone so much.
There are days I barely talk to anyone in the flesh. I send emails and emails and emails but don't get many phone calls. Some of my friends return my calls promptly and others are quite busy. It does get lonely.
4. My goddamn car.
Kala is a lovely machine truly but she has 145,000 miles on her (roughly). And she has never enjoyed living in the higher altitude. She hates Colorado..which is unfortunate for her because we aren't moving home so she'll just have to live with it. I think she is punishing me for this because she demanded a new radiator last summer, new shocks & struts are currently in need as is a new exhaust manifold thingie (whatever the hell that is). She is acting like a spoiled brat. (Kala is the name of my car for those of you who didn't know or who weren't clever enough to figure that out).
5. Being in Colorado.
Ok that isn't what it seems at first glance. You must understand my sister entered college on Friday. It was her first day and I couldn't be there. How much does that suck? Yep, a lot. Being an older sister is a role in which I should be there for her through everything - first day of school (I was home for her first day of elementary school), first birthday (that's a story best told when I've been listening to She Wants Revenge too damn much), first date, first heartbreak (so I could kick his ass), etc. I am disappointed that I was not there to be with her. And to help my mom who is going to experience Empty Nest Syndrome even though my brother is still living at home. So yes I love Colorado but would've preferred to have been in Wisconsin this past week.
6. Not being where I would like to be.
I'm not the most patient person in the world - most definitely not patient with myself. Daily I remind myself that live is a continual journey that should be enjoyed every step of the way. It is not a sprint, it is not a dash to the finish line. In fact, there is no finish line. There is only tomorrow. I guess the only real thing I would change in respect to this is my finances. A steady flow of money would be good right now. (See yesterday's entry about my f'in laptop and you'll understand).
7. Having 7 things to list!
I should just get over it and focus on the good stuff! So that is what I'm going to do - list 7 things I am grateful for today.
1. My apartment.
Well the apartment is nice but my bedroom is a dank, dark hole. I am sure prison cells get more light. And my room ain't much bigger than a cell. I HATE it.
2. Ah, money.
Yeah that one is pretty obvious so we won't dwell on it. It will all work out soon I am absolutely positively certain.
3. Being alone so much.
There are days I barely talk to anyone in the flesh. I send emails and emails and emails but don't get many phone calls. Some of my friends return my calls promptly and others are quite busy. It does get lonely.
4. My goddamn car.
Kala is a lovely machine truly but she has 145,000 miles on her (roughly). And she has never enjoyed living in the higher altitude. She hates Colorado..which is unfortunate for her because we aren't moving home so she'll just have to live with it. I think she is punishing me for this because she demanded a new radiator last summer, new shocks & struts are currently in need as is a new exhaust manifold thingie (whatever the hell that is). She is acting like a spoiled brat. (Kala is the name of my car for those of you who didn't know or who weren't clever enough to figure that out).
5. Being in Colorado.
Ok that isn't what it seems at first glance. You must understand my sister entered college on Friday. It was her first day and I couldn't be there. How much does that suck? Yep, a lot. Being an older sister is a role in which I should be there for her through everything - first day of school (I was home for her first day of elementary school), first birthday (that's a story best told when I've been listening to She Wants Revenge too damn much), first date, first heartbreak (so I could kick his ass), etc. I am disappointed that I was not there to be with her. And to help my mom who is going to experience Empty Nest Syndrome even though my brother is still living at home. So yes I love Colorado but would've preferred to have been in Wisconsin this past week.
6. Not being where I would like to be.
I'm not the most patient person in the world - most definitely not patient with myself. Daily I remind myself that live is a continual journey that should be enjoyed every step of the way. It is not a sprint, it is not a dash to the finish line. In fact, there is no finish line. There is only tomorrow. I guess the only real thing I would change in respect to this is my finances. A steady flow of money would be good right now. (See yesterday's entry about my f'in laptop and you'll understand).
7. Having 7 things to list!
I should just get over it and focus on the good stuff! So that is what I'm going to do - list 7 things I am grateful for today.
Randomness
Randomness is for the ambling you are about to read. I have no discernible rhyme or reason for my observations today, they are just thoughts flying about randomly.
Today I was walking back from a short trip to the Queen Soopers in my 'hood when I a bug flew directly into my forehead. It stung like a MFer. When I got home, I checked my forehead and sure enough it had literally stung me. Twice. I now have two oversized zit-like marks above my right eye. Very attractive...not to mention the pain lightning down to my eyebrow.
Weddings are the subject of an upcoming Oprah show...extravagant celebrity bashes in particular. I myself have no desire to throw a million dollar gala for this particular event. In fact, given my way I will elope. Well not in the strictest sense of the word but I do want to run off to the Cook Islands or Key West with my husband-to-be and invite our friends. I want my immediate family there and his as well but that's about it.
Being the reasonable woman I am however I am willing to negotiate. If for some obscure twist of all laws of Nature I find a man who has heart set on a non-elopement wedding, I may be open to suggestions. However he'll have to understand I will be entitled to become a She-bitch for the entire planning process. Nobody wants that, I can guarantee it.
Yesterday had its ups and downs. I awoke at 5am for no particular reason which meant I was bound to be an ugly demon all day - I love my sleep. So I woke up, ran close to 4 miles and came home. Off I drove to a friend's house to work on an award submittal for which she paid me. And then I made my way to an interview where I was promptly told Spanish is basically a requirement. NOT what the ad said so I am afraid I'm back to square one. Keep your fingers crossed that something pops up this week.
This week I'm in Longmont to do some pet-sitting and finish up a couple of freelance projects. Should be fun times!
Today I was walking back from a short trip to the Queen Soopers in my 'hood when I a bug flew directly into my forehead. It stung like a MFer. When I got home, I checked my forehead and sure enough it had literally stung me. Twice. I now have two oversized zit-like marks above my right eye. Very attractive...not to mention the pain lightning down to my eyebrow.
Weddings are the subject of an upcoming Oprah show...extravagant celebrity bashes in particular. I myself have no desire to throw a million dollar gala for this particular event. In fact, given my way I will elope. Well not in the strictest sense of the word but I do want to run off to the Cook Islands or Key West with my husband-to-be and invite our friends. I want my immediate family there and his as well but that's about it.
Being the reasonable woman I am however I am willing to negotiate. If for some obscure twist of all laws of Nature I find a man who has heart set on a non-elopement wedding, I may be open to suggestions. However he'll have to understand I will be entitled to become a She-bitch for the entire planning process. Nobody wants that, I can guarantee it.
Yesterday had its ups and downs. I awoke at 5am for no particular reason which meant I was bound to be an ugly demon all day - I love my sleep. So I woke up, ran close to 4 miles and came home. Off I drove to a friend's house to work on an award submittal for which she paid me. And then I made my way to an interview where I was promptly told Spanish is basically a requirement. NOT what the ad said so I am afraid I'm back to square one. Keep your fingers crossed that something pops up this week.
This week I'm in Longmont to do some pet-sitting and finish up a couple of freelance projects. Should be fun times!
Friday, August 25, 2006
Crash
That's the sound my hard drive made yesterday. Yep, it all crashed into computer oblivion. I've been having issues for the last 4-6 weeks; GeekSquad has been to my house 6 times now. The MasterCard commercial would sound something like this:
Computer assistance from Geek Squad: $250
New hard drive, OS upgrade & installation: $286
Countless hours spent with a complete stranger on your couch: Priceless
Yep I spent over $500 on my laptop this month. What's that you ask? No, I don't have a job or steady income just yet. Yes it is sucking me dry. Sure, send donations. At this point I may even eat Spam to save some money. I'm pretty sure there is no real meat in there anyway!
But I'm sure everything will be ok. I'm doing my best to roll with the punches and hang in there. Please do feel free to send monetary or food donations!
Computer assistance from Geek Squad: $250
New hard drive, OS upgrade & installation: $286
Countless hours spent with a complete stranger on your couch: Priceless
Yep I spent over $500 on my laptop this month. What's that you ask? No, I don't have a job or steady income just yet. Yes it is sucking me dry. Sure, send donations. At this point I may even eat Spam to save some money. I'm pretty sure there is no real meat in there anyway!
But I'm sure everything will be ok. I'm doing my best to roll with the punches and hang in there. Please do feel free to send monetary or food donations!
Monday, August 21, 2006
WTF?
I'm watching Oprah right now and she's interviewing female teachers who have slept with their students. All I can say is WTF? Seriously how can you NOT see the issue here? If you are 30 years old, you shouldn't be sleeping with a 13-year-old. Ridiculous. It is beyond my comprehension that somehow these women thought this was ok, it was acceptable and in some cases, it was love. Yuck.
Granted there are times when I feel as though the men I date are about 13 but at no point are they actually 13 years of age. I suppose these women must have an emotional issue(s) but why is it that we don't call them pedophiles? Granted I don't feel they are pedophiles but I'm curious about the dichotomy. It's just a weird, weird topic.
I actually don't have a point about this one, I'm just posting because it's so revolting to me. I can barely wrap my brain around it.
Granted there are times when I feel as though the men I date are about 13 but at no point are they actually 13 years of age. I suppose these women must have an emotional issue(s) but why is it that we don't call them pedophiles? Granted I don't feel they are pedophiles but I'm curious about the dichotomy. It's just a weird, weird topic.
I actually don't have a point about this one, I'm just posting because it's so revolting to me. I can barely wrap my brain around it.
One Minute
The last several years I have been on a quest: a quest to improve my life. Not a small feat I know but it is a worthy one. Admittedly some days I feel like Don Quixote chasing windmills but other days I know I'm on track. Saturday was one of those days.
Last week was a hard week for me. I didn't get two jobs I had felt confident about. And I felt like a bloated, beached whale but all women know we feel that way from time to time. It's part of the gloriousness of the female body. Anyway...I spent the weekend pet-sitting in Boulder. I didn't get to see any of my friends for a variety of reasons. I am trying to cut down on my TV viewing because it's bad for creativity..at least for me. So I found a book on the pet owners' shelf and dug in. This book is called The One Minute Millionaire by Robert Allen (author of "Multiple Streams of Income" and Mark Hanson (author of "Chicken Soup for the Soul" series). Some of you may have heard of this book. I had and had intended to check it out from the library but hadn't gotten around to it. I read it and read it and read it. There are some incredible concepts and ideas in this book.
I felt rather inspired reading it. You know that kind of inspired that makes your entire body tingle from head to toes and back again. I needed that inspiration because my mind had gotten stuck in desperation & scarcity mode. Shortly I will need to dig into my savings to pay bills and it's causing me to panic. It still is as a matter of fact but I'm turning that thought process around and focusing on abundance and prosperity, not scarcity. It's tough to do especially when you are smacked in the face with constant reminders of your lack of income.
But back to the book...the theme of the book is basically little things you can do to change your mindset, your habits and your objectives to become a millionaire. But the most compelling part of the book is the amazing emphasis on giving. Yes, giving. It has taken me a long time to realize money isn't evil, it isn't bad. In fact, it isn't anything at all...nothing but paper. This book emphasizes the importance of tithing, tithing your time, tithing your money. Giving is something I have always believed in. It is something that is a part of me and a natural part of my being. I'm a giver by nature and this book resonated with me because of that. How many of us really give 10% back? If our earnings are a gift from above then why not give 10% of that back? It's a way of thanking the Universe for its bounty and blessings. I don't believe I've given 10% back this year - I did last year and the year before that. So inspite of my low checking account balance, I will be making a donation tomorrow.
If you have the opportunity, buy a copy of One Minute Millionaire. It's worth the $21 price tag.
More to come children but for now, I am off to sleep...pleasant dreams.
Last week was a hard week for me. I didn't get two jobs I had felt confident about. And I felt like a bloated, beached whale but all women know we feel that way from time to time. It's part of the gloriousness of the female body. Anyway...I spent the weekend pet-sitting in Boulder. I didn't get to see any of my friends for a variety of reasons. I am trying to cut down on my TV viewing because it's bad for creativity..at least for me. So I found a book on the pet owners' shelf and dug in. This book is called The One Minute Millionaire by Robert Allen (author of "Multiple Streams of Income" and Mark Hanson (author of "Chicken Soup for the Soul" series). Some of you may have heard of this book. I had and had intended to check it out from the library but hadn't gotten around to it. I read it and read it and read it. There are some incredible concepts and ideas in this book.
I felt rather inspired reading it. You know that kind of inspired that makes your entire body tingle from head to toes and back again. I needed that inspiration because my mind had gotten stuck in desperation & scarcity mode. Shortly I will need to dig into my savings to pay bills and it's causing me to panic. It still is as a matter of fact but I'm turning that thought process around and focusing on abundance and prosperity, not scarcity. It's tough to do especially when you are smacked in the face with constant reminders of your lack of income.
But back to the book...the theme of the book is basically little things you can do to change your mindset, your habits and your objectives to become a millionaire. But the most compelling part of the book is the amazing emphasis on giving. Yes, giving. It has taken me a long time to realize money isn't evil, it isn't bad. In fact, it isn't anything at all...nothing but paper. This book emphasizes the importance of tithing, tithing your time, tithing your money. Giving is something I have always believed in. It is something that is a part of me and a natural part of my being. I'm a giver by nature and this book resonated with me because of that. How many of us really give 10% back? If our earnings are a gift from above then why not give 10% of that back? It's a way of thanking the Universe for its bounty and blessings. I don't believe I've given 10% back this year - I did last year and the year before that. So inspite of my low checking account balance, I will be making a donation tomorrow.
If you have the opportunity, buy a copy of One Minute Millionaire. It's worth the $21 price tag.
More to come children but for now, I am off to sleep...pleasant dreams.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Astrology & Depression
Most of you know I am interested in the occult, weird stuff and anything else deemed odd by the average person. Astrology falls in that realm. I recently had my birth chart read and discovered I am more Capricorn than Taurus (born towards the late middle of May, I have always thought of myself as a Taurus). I also learned a bit about depression & Capricorns.
Depression is a funny thing - it comes and goes for me. Mine is definitely situational and varies by the day. Today is particularly bad; I doubt I will even leave the house which is always a sign I am blue. Most people think depression is a bad thing and in some cases it is. It's never good if you'd prefer to through yourself in front of a moving bus than go on with your day. That's not where I'm at thankfully - I've left those days behind and in the shadows of my past.
I was told as a Capricorn I use depression as a tool. We Caps embrace it, feel it, suffer through it and come out rosey on the other side. We're quite a bit better for having endured it. I'm still on the embracing side of mine currently and need to watch some sappy ass movies to push me over the edge. Any movie with broken hearts is guaranteed to do it for me.
Today I can't seem to shut off my inner dialogue and she is a nagging BITCH right now. She wants to know where I am going to, what I am going to do and how in tarnation I believe I am going to support my self financially henceforth. And as I listen to her, I am torn and uncertain of where to go next in my career. My resume is a flippin' landmine and I am embarassed to discuss my work history. I've been gainfully employed for all but one year in the past seven..however not for longer than about 20 months with any one employer. That seems to be a sticking point for some.
I have wanted to freelance for some time now as most of you. I have started but it is slow going as is any new endeavor. In the mean time, I have bills to pay and an irksome roommate situation to deal with. I need to make a decent living so I can move out but I am not keen on going back to the corporate world. I am just here, trying to cope. And my mood is certainly not improving as the day progresses. I feel stuck, trapped and ensnared in a shitty world I've built for myself. Where I'll go from here is not known and I am having trouble coping with that. We Caps dig direction and purpose..we're not so much for the changes and unknown. Add that to my Taurus sun sign and we've got some deep-seated fear of change and a strong, strong resistance to the unknown. What can I say, I'm a solid earthy-based no nonsense kind of gal.
In any event, here I am wondering, pondering and generally feeling a malaise so strong I don't care for the sunshine of Denver nor the freelance projects I really should sink my teeth into. I need a distraction of some sort, something to make me feel better. It would preferable that it be a hot stud of a man but since the closest thing I have in that avenue is a Thursday night TV show with Jensen Ackles, I can't say it's exactly overflowing with candidates.
Another day and somehow I manage to cope. Here's hoping for brighter news tomorrow. Blessings to all of you (and thanks for reading; I do hope I haven't depressed you to the point of cliff jumping without a parachute).
Depression is a funny thing - it comes and goes for me. Mine is definitely situational and varies by the day. Today is particularly bad; I doubt I will even leave the house which is always a sign I am blue. Most people think depression is a bad thing and in some cases it is. It's never good if you'd prefer to through yourself in front of a moving bus than go on with your day. That's not where I'm at thankfully - I've left those days behind and in the shadows of my past.
I was told as a Capricorn I use depression as a tool. We Caps embrace it, feel it, suffer through it and come out rosey on the other side. We're quite a bit better for having endured it. I'm still on the embracing side of mine currently and need to watch some sappy ass movies to push me over the edge. Any movie with broken hearts is guaranteed to do it for me.
Today I can't seem to shut off my inner dialogue and she is a nagging BITCH right now. She wants to know where I am going to, what I am going to do and how in tarnation I believe I am going to support my self financially henceforth. And as I listen to her, I am torn and uncertain of where to go next in my career. My resume is a flippin' landmine and I am embarassed to discuss my work history. I've been gainfully employed for all but one year in the past seven..however not for longer than about 20 months with any one employer. That seems to be a sticking point for some.
I have wanted to freelance for some time now as most of you. I have started but it is slow going as is any new endeavor. In the mean time, I have bills to pay and an irksome roommate situation to deal with. I need to make a decent living so I can move out but I am not keen on going back to the corporate world. I am just here, trying to cope. And my mood is certainly not improving as the day progresses. I feel stuck, trapped and ensnared in a shitty world I've built for myself. Where I'll go from here is not known and I am having trouble coping with that. We Caps dig direction and purpose..we're not so much for the changes and unknown. Add that to my Taurus sun sign and we've got some deep-seated fear of change and a strong, strong resistance to the unknown. What can I say, I'm a solid earthy-based no nonsense kind of gal.
In any event, here I am wondering, pondering and generally feeling a malaise so strong I don't care for the sunshine of Denver nor the freelance projects I really should sink my teeth into. I need a distraction of some sort, something to make me feel better. It would preferable that it be a hot stud of a man but since the closest thing I have in that avenue is a Thursday night TV show with Jensen Ackles, I can't say it's exactly overflowing with candidates.
Another day and somehow I manage to cope. Here's hoping for brighter news tomorrow. Blessings to all of you (and thanks for reading; I do hope I haven't depressed you to the point of cliff jumping without a parachute).
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Quiz Geek
Yep, I'm a quiz geek. I love those damn things! Any of those personality tests, online quizzes, any of it I love! So here's a 5er for Tuesday. Enjoy.
5 things in my refrigerator:
1. Chocolate soy milk
2. Vanilla Soy Milk
3. Orange & Passionfruit Juice with Calcium
4. Butter lettuce (yum!!!)
5. Pineapple
5 things in my closet:
1. 12 pairs of shoes (I know but they are almost all Payless or Target-bought which means they were about $15 each..not $400 Mahnolos)
2. A crapload of clothes...I have a tiny closet and they are all jammed in there. It's impossible to find anything. I need a new apartment.
3. My tent for camping. It's fantastic.
4. A box of scarves, wraps and my most fantastic fabulous pair of sparkly, strappy shoes.
5. A bunch of dresses. I wear the sundresses but not the dress-up ones. I don't have too many occasions to wear those.
5 things in my purse:
1. Non-petroleum lip gloss/chapstick stuff
2. Lipstick
3. Cell phone (usually)
4. Wallet
5. Pictures of my sister Alyssa, Leah's daughter Hannah and my baby cousin Caleb
5 things in my car:
1. a ton of slips of paper with directions to people's homes
2. a couple of VHS tapes
3. my rock climbing harness & chalk bag
4. a super oversized YMCA sweatshirt
5. my cute little red zip-up sweater
5 people that get tagged:
1. Ah, anyone who reads this
2. Another person who reads this
3. Maybe someone they refer
4. Hopefully another friend
5. YOU!
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Warm Fuzzies
For those of you who know me well you know I love the TV series Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Love it as in own 6 of the 7 seasons and have seen every episode at least twice..probably three times. Perhaps it makes me a freak in some circles but those aren't circles I care to become intertwined in. In truth it's my comfort blanket; I watch it when I'm down or when I need to feel better about life in general. I can always count on Buffy to be dealing with worse life situations than I am. And besides it's cool to see a tiny blonde chick kick some ass. I admit it, I want to be Buffy. Ok maybe not be here because that would be weird but I'd like to be able to kick ass whenever necessary. Being all of 5'1" and miniscule in stature, I can't always take down the bad guys. So I live vicariously through Buffy.
So this week had its ups and downs; I went on several interviews and wasted more gas. I finished a freelance project but haven't heard from my contact if she was happy with my work. I'm not sure if she'll want to do more work together or not and that's disconcerting. I'm hoping for more because it will help me break further into the business writing field. And that my friends is where the money is. I may get a 2nd interview for a full-time writing job that would pay 10 Gs more than I was making and I have a 2nd interview for a part-time job that would pay enough to live on while I had some time for freelancing. We'll see what comes to pass I guess. I'm not very good at the unknown holding pattern I'm in.
No other news really; I should be doing some pet-sitting next weekend in a nearby town. That will give me a bit more cash which I need right now - so long as I don't get a ticket for running a yellow in that damn town. What's the deal with photo red lights? Jesus. Hate those damn things. Either every town's intersections should have them or they shouldn't be around at all. Hate 'em.
That's the news for now - nothing too exciting or entertaining to discuss. I could go into world affairs but I just don't have the energy for it right now. I've been woken up by my roommate & her boyfriend's bedroom escapades and haven't been able to fully rest this weekend. And THAT is for an entirely different blog.
So this week had its ups and downs; I went on several interviews and wasted more gas. I finished a freelance project but haven't heard from my contact if she was happy with my work. I'm not sure if she'll want to do more work together or not and that's disconcerting. I'm hoping for more because it will help me break further into the business writing field. And that my friends is where the money is. I may get a 2nd interview for a full-time writing job that would pay 10 Gs more than I was making and I have a 2nd interview for a part-time job that would pay enough to live on while I had some time for freelancing. We'll see what comes to pass I guess. I'm not very good at the unknown holding pattern I'm in.
No other news really; I should be doing some pet-sitting next weekend in a nearby town. That will give me a bit more cash which I need right now - so long as I don't get a ticket for running a yellow in that damn town. What's the deal with photo red lights? Jesus. Hate those damn things. Either every town's intersections should have them or they shouldn't be around at all. Hate 'em.
That's the news for now - nothing too exciting or entertaining to discuss. I could go into world affairs but I just don't have the energy for it right now. I've been woken up by my roommate & her boyfriend's bedroom escapades and haven't been able to fully rest this weekend. And THAT is for an entirely different blog.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Oprah
Regardless of what you all think of Oprah, I love her. She is the highlight of
my unemployed self's day. Today we got to see the Vanderbilts including that hunky
CNN anchor...I forget his name right now but you all know who I'm talking about. He's fabulous.
Besides watching, Oprah I have spent my days battling with my computer. She has been a brat of late and we've had to bring in outside assistance. It seems to have helped at least a bit. No more crazy error messages which read like Klingon. But I still cannot run a thorough virus scan and I'm fairly convinced there are some evil boogies floating around in the ether that is my hard drive. Ok, I know it's not ether at all but binary codings so bugger off. I'm not an idiot - I like ether more than binary codes k? Deal.
But the coolest thing I've been doing is partnering with a full-time writer on some projects. I hope to have a few more clips to post here. (Maybe someday I'll figure out how to link them but currently my brain refuses). Anyway, I have done some research (14 hours worth to be exact) on muscadine grapes (yes I do know most everything there is to know about them and yes you should eat them!!!). Next up is Asperger's syndrome. Fun times I tell you, fun times.
Actually it is fun. I am interested in any subject I haven't learned much about it and I'm particularly interested in alternative health and supplements. There's so much misinformation out there that I believe it's important to set the record straight on what products can do and can't. Knowledge is power people, knowledge is power.
That's the extent of my current life. Lots of interviews, some temp work, some writing projects and not a lot of money. Woo hoo, a big YAY me on that. Just kidding. It's going along just fine and I am confident of some income soon.
Oh yeah, I've decided I do NOT want to rekindle any old flame. Enough said.
Besides watching, Oprah I have spent my days battling with my computer. She has been a brat of late and we've had to bring in outside assistance. It seems to have helped at least a bit. No more crazy error messages which read like Klingon. But I still cannot run a thorough virus scan and I'm fairly convinced there are some evil boogies floating around in the ether that is my hard drive. Ok, I know it's not ether at all but binary codings so bugger off. I'm not an idiot - I like ether more than binary codes k? Deal.
But the coolest thing I've been doing is partnering with a full-time writer on some projects. I hope to have a few more clips to post here. (Maybe someday I'll figure out how to link them but currently my brain refuses). Anyway, I have done some research (14 hours worth to be exact) on muscadine grapes (yes I do know most everything there is to know about them and yes you should eat them!!!). Next up is Asperger's syndrome. Fun times I tell you, fun times.
Actually it is fun. I am interested in any subject I haven't learned much about it and I'm particularly interested in alternative health and supplements. There's so much misinformation out there that I believe it's important to set the record straight on what products can do and can't. Knowledge is power people, knowledge is power.
That's the extent of my current life. Lots of interviews, some temp work, some writing projects and not a lot of money. Woo hoo, a big YAY me on that. Just kidding. It's going along just fine and I am confident of some income soon.
Oh yeah, I've decided I do NOT want to rekindle any old flame. Enough said.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Sacrifices
Well my dog days are over - back in Denver I am. Green eggs & ham...oops, sorry slipped off into Rhyme Release for a moment there.
So I'm currently sitting outside of my apartment building on the cement patio between the two buildings. I get decent reception here but feel like an arse. I am effectively stealing and I feel like an azzhat for it. Oh well, someday I will pay for my very own wireless service. In the mean time, my azz cheeks are incredibly sore from sitting on cement. And no there aren't any community patio chairs out here. This is what I mean by sacrifices. (Let's also factor in that I am about 20 feet from the garbage dumpster - yep, sacrifices childrens, sacrifices).
And I've had to give up my organic food binges. I was an organic food junkie, I admit it. Organic produce is one thing but organic spaghettios? Yep, I ate 'em. One thing I won't be giving up is my organic non-meat products. Gotta have my veggie burgers from Morningstar. YUM.
So really I have very little to report, just wanted to post a new entry. My computer has been screwy for about 2 weeks now and I fear the worst: it is dying. She is about 5 years old so I could understand - that's about 115 in computer years. I've been backing up damn near everything I've saved on here - good thing I have a 215 MB thumb drive to save my ass. I knew it would come in handy. I would throw myself off of a cliff if I lost my 22,000 words of Maww book. I only need about 25,000 to 30,000 to finish her.
I spent all of last week in the beautiful mountains between Golden and Boulder. It was lovely albeit a bit lonely after the first 6 days. Dogs don't usually talk back so I was left to my own soliloquies. How in the bloody hell do you spell that word? I don't know but you get my meaning.
Other than that, not much in the way of news. Nothing on the job front really. I must not interview well - I've only had one callback from about 5 interviews I did. 20%. That's a crap batting average folks. I'm not impressed with myself.
There is a possibility I will be meeting with a woman who is a freelance writer this week. She makes good money at it and needs some help. She is looking to pay someone for some projects and also barter some resources in repayment for my writing services. Depending on when she returns from her mother's funeral, we are supposed to meet up. Well, I have to drive to Longmont but we're going to meet and see what kind of arrangements we can work out. Keep your fingers crossed - this could be the break I've been looking for. I want to write full-time from home if possible and she's doing it. She is also looking to mentor someone and pass along her knowledge. Send positive thoughts my way!!!
No love life news bulletins of course. I'm ok with that I guess. I have been talking to my X quite a bit. We never had trouble getting along, we had trouble fitting a relationship into his life. We'll see if any of that has changed. Regardless, we can at least be friends and that is a lot in my world.
So cheerio for now. Be well, travel safe & sleep tight. See you soon.
<\br>
And I've had to give up my organic food binges. I was an organic food junkie, I admit it. Organic produce is one thing but organic spaghettios? Yep, I ate 'em. One thing I won't be giving up is my organic non-meat products. Gotta have my veggie burgers from Morningstar. YUM.
So really I have very little to report, just wanted to post a new entry. My computer has been screwy for about 2 weeks now and I fear the worst: it is dying. She is about 5 years old so I could understand - that's about 115 in computer years. I've been backing up damn near everything I've saved on here - good thing I have a 215 MB thumb drive to save my ass. I knew it would come in handy. I would throw myself off of a cliff if I lost my 22,000 words of Maww book. I only need about 25,000 to 30,000 to finish her.
I spent all of last week in the beautiful mountains between Golden and Boulder. It was lovely albeit a bit lonely after the first 6 days. Dogs don't usually talk back so I was left to my own soliloquies. How in the bloody hell do you spell that word? I don't know but you get my meaning.
Other than that, not much in the way of news. Nothing on the job front really. I must not interview well - I've only had one callback from about 5 interviews I did. 20%. That's a crap batting average folks. I'm not impressed with myself.
There is a possibility I will be meeting with a woman who is a freelance writer this week. She makes good money at it and needs some help. She is looking to pay someone for some projects and also barter some resources in repayment for my writing services. Depending on when she returns from her mother's funeral, we are supposed to meet up. Well, I have to drive to Longmont but we're going to meet and see what kind of arrangements we can work out. Keep your fingers crossed - this could be the break I've been looking for. I want to write full-time from home if possible and she's doing it. She is also looking to mentor someone and pass along her knowledge. Send positive thoughts my way!!!
No love life news bulletins of course. I'm ok with that I guess. I have been talking to my X quite a bit. We never had trouble getting along, we had trouble fitting a relationship into his life. We'll see if any of that has changed. Regardless, we can at least be friends and that is a lot in my world.
So cheerio for now. Be well, travel safe & sleep tight. See you soon.
<\br>
Monday, July 17, 2006
End of the World
I was in church the other day (gasp!) and the pastor was speaking about the end of days. He wasn't talking about the upcoming end of the world days. He was saying the days are not coming, they are here. And as we live within them, we must learn how to get through them and carry ourselves forward...how to persevere and continue humanity in the face of a collapsing world and fallen morals.
It was an interesting way to view today's world events. There's a lot going on out there and he was trying to help us make sense of it. I don't know if his explanation cut it for me but there's nothing to be lost by living in that vein. And let's all say a prayer our fearless leader doesn't fuck things up any more than he already has. Maybe we should say a few prayers.
The general state of world affairs pretty much sums up my general state. I am dog-sitting in a little mountain home about 50 minutes outside of Denver. It's beautiful up here; the air is clear heavily scented with thick woodsy pine. And the view is breath-taking: the snow-capped peaks of the Continental Divide dot the skyline. It's incredible.
And I'm terribly lonely. I've had 5 or 6 job interviews within the span of roughly 2 weeks and I've had just one call-back. I don't feel like I'm getting closer to landing something and I'm running out of things to do with myself up here. My car is jacked up and shouldn't be driven if I can avoid it. So I'm stuck inside, online and watching TV. But I will be working on my book tomorrow and will hike with the dogs again so long as it stays reasonably cool up here.
And of course, I'll post again and update y'all. Thanks for bearing with me.
It was an interesting way to view today's world events. There's a lot going on out there and he was trying to help us make sense of it. I don't know if his explanation cut it for me but there's nothing to be lost by living in that vein. And let's all say a prayer our fearless leader doesn't fuck things up any more than he already has. Maybe we should say a few prayers.
The general state of world affairs pretty much sums up my general state. I am dog-sitting in a little mountain home about 50 minutes outside of Denver. It's beautiful up here; the air is clear heavily scented with thick woodsy pine. And the view is breath-taking: the snow-capped peaks of the Continental Divide dot the skyline. It's incredible.
And I'm terribly lonely. I've had 5 or 6 job interviews within the span of roughly 2 weeks and I've had just one call-back. I don't feel like I'm getting closer to landing something and I'm running out of things to do with myself up here. My car is jacked up and shouldn't be driven if I can avoid it. So I'm stuck inside, online and watching TV. But I will be working on my book tomorrow and will hike with the dogs again so long as it stays reasonably cool up here.
And of course, I'll post again and update y'all. Thanks for bearing with me.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Update
So here's the latest in my world: still not working but have been interviewing consistently. I just filed for unemployment but picked up a dog-sitting gig for 10 days so I'll be able to pay rent next month without dipping into my savings. My goal is to avoid touching my savings for as long as possible. I truly do believe I will have an offer before the end of July.
I have interviewed with a non-profit (on the fence about this one), an acupuncture school (too far away and they aren't paying enough), a financial services company (interested in this) and a PR firm (very interested in them, afraid they are not interested in me as I have not heard from them this week). I have one more phone interview set up and then I am tapped out.
There are quite a few jobs out there so I'm not too terribly worried. My main concern is my 1.5 year curse. I can't seem to stay with a company for longer than 18 or 19 months and I hate that. It's not because I've wanted to leave, it's simply the way things have unfolded. I do my best to explain this in interviews but I don't know if I'm convincing. I am getting down about that.
In other news, I camped last weekend. My X was on the trip; it is the first time he & I have spoken since last January. It went well..probably too well since I now miss him. Not sure if the feeling is mutual but he did email me after the camping trip to say he was glad we had talked, he enjoyed it and he hoped to hear from me again soon. I sent him my phone number but haven't heard from him.
More on the dating tip: I was supposed to go out with a guy I met through myspace.com. We haven't officially met but you know what I mean. Well, he may not be a big believer in the punctuality since he said he'd call me on Tuesday and Tuesday has come and gone. Oh well. C'est la vie or whatever the hell it is that the Frenchies say.
I have interviewed with a non-profit (on the fence about this one), an acupuncture school (too far away and they aren't paying enough), a financial services company (interested in this) and a PR firm (very interested in them, afraid they are not interested in me as I have not heard from them this week). I have one more phone interview set up and then I am tapped out.
There are quite a few jobs out there so I'm not too terribly worried. My main concern is my 1.5 year curse. I can't seem to stay with a company for longer than 18 or 19 months and I hate that. It's not because I've wanted to leave, it's simply the way things have unfolded. I do my best to explain this in interviews but I don't know if I'm convincing. I am getting down about that.
In other news, I camped last weekend. My X was on the trip; it is the first time he & I have spoken since last January. It went well..probably too well since I now miss him. Not sure if the feeling is mutual but he did email me after the camping trip to say he was glad we had talked, he enjoyed it and he hoped to hear from me again soon. I sent him my phone number but haven't heard from him.
More on the dating tip: I was supposed to go out with a guy I met through myspace.com. We haven't officially met but you know what I mean. Well, he may not be a big believer in the punctuality since he said he'd call me on Tuesday and Tuesday has come and gone. Oh well. C'est la vie or whatever the hell it is that the Frenchies say.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Hmmph
It seems I am encountering some technical difficulties with my site. I have posted twice today and neither of the posts have gone up! I do apologize. Unfortunately I am exhausted today as my roommate decided to come home after midnight slam doors and then get in the bathroom with her boyfriend before 7am. Despite the injection of caffeine, I am dragging ass.
Will write more soon - hopefully before the end of the week! A happy belated 4th of July to all of you. And an exceptionally HUGE happy birthday to my baby brother Tyler. Love you kiddles!
Peace & prosperity,
Lara
Well this sucks
I had an entertaining and lively post all typed out for y'all. And then Blogger lost it. And I am too frickin' irritated to retype the entire thing. You'll just have to deal for now. I'll write more another time.
Peace & prosperity,
Lara
The Original MAWW
I'm a bum
Yep, I am without work and living la vida loca. Well, not really. I've only had one minor panic attack since D DAY (stands for dumped day, the day my job dumped me). Other than that, I am staring each day square in the eyes and moving forward. I've had one phone interview (they are a virtual-based office so I wasn't flying out to San Fran to meet the VP; we decided to chat instead) and another one lined up. It looks like I may be dog sitting for a week and will make enough to cover rent next month from that. I should also be receiving unemployment but that may take a few weeks to go through.
In a sense, this has been very liberating but as most people will tell you, the first taste of liberation can be frightening. Venturing into the new can be disconcerting and uncomfortable. I know I will never be a 9 to 5er person, that's not the life for me. But until I can get my businesses off the ground and turning profits, I have to suck it up and life the cube life. It is a means to an end and that end is simply another beginning.
You might wonder what businesses I'm taking about. Those of you who know me are aware of my freelance work - I'm a writer and editor. I have two clients right now and the work is not steady - lucrative but not steady. I also have a web site which is under construction and will began an endeavor with a network marketing company when I have regular income. And my namesake book, MAWW: True Confessions of a Mad Ass White Woman, will be published in the next two years. So I have a few fires in the oven so to speak. I know a few of them will take time - maybe as much as 3-4 yrs - before they are turning profits. But I know the NM and web site can produce some income in as little as 6 months. It's just a matter of time management and intelligent efforts on my part (along with some dollars!).
So I thank you fair audience for indulging my daydreams and yearnings - thank you for listening to my rantings, ravings and shoutings. Without your ears and open minds, I'd just be a jabbering idiot. Of course I may already be a jabbering idiot but you are true peaches for listening to me.
Peace & prosperity,
Lara
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
New Beginnings
Well I am officially among the bums of Denver. I lost my job yesterday...it amuses me to say "lost" as if I somehow misplaced it. No there was no misplacing of it, it's gone. I no longer work there. If you want details, you'll have to email me - I'm not going to blast that info into cyberspace. All I ask is that you call me for info and keep me in your thoughts & prayers.
And do feel free to send money or food. I gladly take donations.
So there are all the usual feelings of loss, anger, relief and even a slight bit of denial. Today I spent the day regrouping and getting my feet back under me. I've decided to take this as a sign to move ahead with my freelance work. I have several things in the hopper including another web site (stay tuned for that!). But while those things brew, I need some income. I'm looking for a low-stress job that will pay my bills til I can grow my other businesses. Tomorrow I hit up the employment agencies and the DMV.
Hang in there folks, I'll take you along on the crazy ride...
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Back in the saddle again
Well I am back at it - writing, networking & generally hustlin'. :) Ok, if a white girl from a farming town in Wisconsin can hustle, call me a hustler. I'm bustin' my tail this week to get some things moving from the backburner to the front of the stove. I'll be having another web site shortly and will link it here when I do.
Other than that, it's been the day job & not much else. I enjoyed a few days of solitude while my roommate was in Mexico. That was quite nice and I think it's convinced me that I need to move out of there. Bless her heart, she's a great person but we have different concepts of "clean" and "neat". And frankly, I need more space. My bedroom is less than 12x12. So I'm looking for new digs and have decided Five Points/Curtis Park is where I'm going to go. I love the community focus of that neighborhood; it sure would be nice to know the names of my neighbors and to be involved in the community. We'll see what turns up. You'll know when I know!
It's time to put some fun stuff on here so I'm going to hunt around for interesting quizzes & such. Stay tuned childrens...
I Lied
Yep, I'm a big ole liar. I promised you a post last Friday and y'all never got one. I was a bit hungover yet - home hangover is what I call it. I was recovering from homesickness. Not sure I'm fully healed but I'm much improved over last week.
I'm going to try this link thing again - try this page. It's an acquiantance of mine - he put together a book. Check it out.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Defeat
I think I'm about to give up on trying to put links on here. I can't figure out where they go in my template and every time I try to post them in my message, it goes all wacky. *sigh*
I will write more tomorrow and update you on my life. I should have some vacation photos by then! It was wonderful and has tainted my return to Denver. I never like the first week I am back here - I miss my family too much and usually starts a chain of unfortunate events. Typically one or two things go awry during that week and sours my mood even more. This week is ok so far - not great but ok. I'm managing!
Cheerio til tomorrow~~~
Friday, June 02, 2006
The Bolder Boulder
For those of ya'll who didn't know, I ran the Bolder Boulder this past Monday. Here are some photos to prove it:
http://www.brightroom.com/go.asp?11840236
That girl in the blue top with that scrunched up face is me!
Four to Be Thankful for Friday
I'm going to try to be more consistent with my blogging and start some weekly posts. Friday is a great day and a great day to remember things I am thankful for. Here are my top four for - what are yours?
1. I'm thankful to be going home tonight.
2. I'm thankful I am able to see my sister's graduation on Sunday!
3. I'm thankful that I have so many wonderful people to visit when I do come home.
4. I'm thankful for opportunity and possibility.
Happy Friday y'all and have a great weekend!
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Homeward Bound
That damn Simon & Garfunkel song keeps ringing in my ears because I am homeward bound tomorrow night. I'm going back to Wisconsin for 2 weddings and a graduation. It should be an emotional rollercoaster ride of a trip. I hate to be selfish but weddings make me think of my life and wonder what it would be like to get married. Then I decide I don't want the headache of the planning, spending, planning & spending some more! If I ever do it, I'm eloping. Yep - running off to an island somewhere and y'all will get a simple postcard from me after the fact. No fuss, no muss - just a sweet and simple ceremony with me, the groom & our families.
I think too often people - namely brides - get caught up in the weddings and forget about the marriage. How many women have you met who've bought gowns BEFORE they were engaged? I've heard of it - and if any of my friends have done it, don't you dare tell me. I will make fun of your crazy azz. I do understand wanting to buy a nice dress though - why not just buy a few prom dresses when they go on sale? You can get your fix that way. I'm a firm believer in buying several things if you love them - you love pretty dresses? Buy 3 prom dresses after the season instead of one wedding dress which you may or may not wear in your lifetime.
And what in the hell are you going to do with that dress if you never get married? I don't know about you but I don't want that reminder in my closet when I turn 65. Crazy. Spend that money on something useful - like saving the rainforests, buying textbooks for our inner city kids or some crap. If you can't think of any other way to spend it, call me..I've got a few ideas.
Clearly weddings get me in a tizzy. But I also have a graduation to attend - my sister's!!! She's 18 y'all and a spitfire. I am incredibly proud and honored to call her my sister - she is carrying on the family tradition of being both beautiful AND intelligent. She graduates in the top 10 percent of her class and has a sizeable scholarship to attend Viterbo U in LaCrosse. I tried to talk her into coming here to Colorado but that didn't happen. Maybe I can work my magick and get her out here after she graduates. I can dream right?! So in the usual tradition of mad rushes, I have a wedding on June 9th, another one on June 10th and my sister's graduation party on June 10th as well. Hells bells it will be a whirlwind of activity and I will not be rested when I return. I am a little nervous about all I have going on while I'm at home actually - worried I will be a basketcase when I get back. Going home is typically emotional for me - I miss my family and seeing them only to come back to Colorado makes me miss them more. It takes me a few days to get back to a centered place after a trip home and I fear this trip may need more than a few days to find my inner source again.
So what am I going to do to get ready for my trip? I'm going out for a drink (or 3) tonight. Quite perfect don't you think?!
Friday, May 26, 2006
To Be or Not to Be?
It's been awhile since I've posted an actual entry..I've been a bit busy celebrating my 30th as you can see.
As time marches on - which it is so wont to do with no thought to anything else - I ponder where and what I'll be doing in 1 year, 5 years and 10 years. I've had a job change and I'm surviving it. It has its positives and its not so positives...most days I enjoy it. In my heart though, I know I will not be completely happy til I'm free to work when I choose. I just have to keep plugging away and moving towards my goals. At least I seem to have left my existential life crisis behind - for now. I'm sure one of those moments will rear its head again - usually does round about late fall.
But what would my life be like if I were still in Wisconsin? Would I have found a job I was happy with? Would I be dating or in love? My initial thought is no - but who knows for certain. And I don't think about that too often. What I do think about however is whether or not I'll ever date again or have a boyfriend or - *GASP* - a husband. It seems completely foreign to me because I've been on my own for so long (ah another *GASP* moment - I've had 2 significant involvements in almost 6 years folks..that's a GD long time).
There is a certain point when a woman's body kicks in and wants a baby. DON'T misunderstand me - I do NOT want a child right now but my body is telling me I should get to it in the next few years.
I will never in my life be a woman who will have a child because it's time and everyone else is doing it. No child deserves that - ever. If I never marry, I'll adopt when I'm 40ish (depends on finances mainly). I'm comforted by my back-up plan (which seems to currently be my Plan A unfortunately).
The question of love, marriage & children likes to sit down in my lap every now and again..these were just some of my musings. Nothing brilliant but I needed to put something down in words.
Enjoy the holiday weekend y'all!
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Birthday celebration
I'm not very good at this picture thing yet but take a peak at some of photos below. A fun time was had in Breck by all!!! Thanks to all y'all who made it and if you didn't, too bad for you. He he he he he.
All the way from Wisconsin - DeAnna. She's my favorite. :) That's Ryan hiding behind the cards.
ELLI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Enjoying some cupcakes...my favorite.
3 of my favorite dancing queens - center stage.
My friends Paul & Fetian - in yet another round of Uno!
No night is complete without a shot like this... Kiss it y'all!
My lovely friend Alicia.
Two of the cutest girls you'll ever see. :)
Let the festivities begin!
Don't peak at my cards!
All the way from Wisconsin - DeAnna. She's my favorite. :) That's Ryan hiding behind the cards.
ELLI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Enjoying some cupcakes...my favorite.
3 of my favorite dancing queens - center stage.
My friends Paul & Fetian - in yet another round of Uno!
No night is complete without a shot like this... Kiss it y'all!
My lovely friend Alicia.
Two of the cutest girls you'll ever see. :)
Let the festivities begin!
Don't peak at my cards!
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
My 29th
I am practicing my picture posting for this year's 30th birthday bash in Breck. Take a peek at last year's fun...
Above is a photo from last year's birthday bash (DeAnna is in red, random bartender in the white T-shirt, me in the white tank top and a random waitress in black). In this photo, we are taking shots with the wait staff in honor of both my birthday & DeAnna's birthday.
My beautiful friend DeAnna flew out from Milwaukee to celebrate together. We joined up with a local bike-n-booze pub crawl and had an outrageously good time. Truly I don't think it's legal to have as much fun as we did.
Above is a photo from last year's birthday bash (DeAnna is in red, random bartender in the white T-shirt, me in the white tank top and a random waitress in black). In this photo, we are taking shots with the wait staff in honor of both my birthday & DeAnna's birthday.
My beautiful friend DeAnna flew out from Milwaukee to celebrate together. We joined up with a local bike-n-booze pub crawl and had an outrageously good time. Truly I don't think it's legal to have as much fun as we did.
Seeds of Change
I’m under the vague impression that life is about continual change, growth & renewal. The previous 29 years of my life certainly have been. So I have given up trying to avoid FNGs (f**kin’ growth opportunities) and embraced them. Every day is a new opportunity and my life certainly reflects that. Last week I spoke with my director about leaving my current position and moving back to the program side. She wasn’t thrilled with my performance and I wasn’t either; I knew my heart was with the clients. There is an opportunity move to that side but it wasn’t my first choice. I’m going to go for it anyway and see what happens. It has a lot of opportunity and potential.
But as my 30th birthday approaches, I’ve been thinking a lot. I’ve come to several realizations.
1.) I think too damn much. I get far too lost in my thoughts and get stuck inside my head and forget how to relax and simply see life as it is: a journey.
2.) My 20s were not the most fun decade of my life and my 30s are going to be a helluva lot better. I’m actually looking forward to them…so long as I don’t look to be in my 30s. J
3.) If I really expect my 30s to be different, what have I learned from my 20s that I can take with me to draw upon over the next 10 years?
The answer to number 3 is a lot of things: I’ve had an incredible number of wonderful moments in my 20s .. and some very painful ones. In some instances, those two are intertwined. But I will draw upon my “win file”. A speaker I saw recently suggested compiling a win file and putting all the things in there that you have done of which you are proud. During difficult situations, pull some of those out and draw upon that memory.
Currently I’m reading an incredible book called “Ask and It Is Given”. It is about how to properly ask for the things you desire and focus on being in the correct state of mind/state of being to receive those things. The exercises are supposed to produce desired effect similar to that of the win file. I’ve been doing these exercises every night for the last 3 nights and I look forward to them. I have noticed a change in my attitude and my outlook and I believe the physical manifestations of that will follow shortly.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Questions from the NPG web site
NPG stands for New Power Generation - it's Prince's web site. I do love the little Purple Man.
I enjoy killing time and answering quirky questions so here are a few they sent to members in an email:
1. If Prince decided 2 give up music and become a waiter, would u go 2 his job and heckle him?
I would never heckle Prince but I would kindly thank him for the incredible music he has created and shared with us.
2. What do u put on ur pizza? Just cheese usually - sometimes black olives. I'm trying to branch out with artichoke hearts and peppers too.
3. Is milk really just cow mucous? (a fair question) Yes and if you knew how cows are forced to produce milk, you might consider not drinking it. I avoid it except in baked goods and drink soy. It ain't so bad folks - especially the chocolate. :) Hmmmmm...chocolate.
4. Favorite unreleased Prince track? Um, if it's unreleased how would I know it?
5. Did u know WB can only release one more "greatest hits" package and then it's finally OVER? Will u buy it or just play ur old copies? Probably play my old copies - unless they are too worn out and skip (which they have been for awhile actually) OR if there was a significant amount of unreleased songs on it. I'd still strongly consider finding this material elsewhere since Prince won't make much off the sale and the record company garners so much.
6. Has anybody in the club ever met a record xecutive in person? Ever seen one of them dance? Nope and nope.
7. Where do u hear new music most? Some online, some on the radio, some from other folks
8. How often do u buy music? Once a month of late!
9. Will u ever give up CDs completely and just go 100% online 4 all ur music needs? I guess at some point I'll have to but I don't have that capability right now - no iPod and no downloading capabilities at home.
10. 1st music U ever purchased was: I think it was Michael Jackson's Thriller or that song Monster Mash - not sure which came first in our house.
11. Last music U purchased was: Going to pick up new Herbie Hancock! I also bought John Mayer's Heavier Things and She Wants Revenge.
12. Is download piracy in the news merely a smokescreen 2 actually teach people how 2 do it. ( IE: The I-Pod ) :) Leading a horse 2 greener pasture perhaps? Possibly - hadn't considered it but I doubt it.
13. Have u made any new friends in the club since joining? Ah, no.
14. Can art and business ever truly coexist in harmony? Ah, no. Well probably but not in perfect 50/50 harmony. Interesting point to consider for sure.
A Weekend of Oddities
My weekend had some weird moments. Sat AM for starters: I came home from a party (yes completely sober) at around 2am. I found a pretty tangerine-colored cat wandering around the front of my apartment building. She snuggled up to me and I noticed she had owner tags. She was well-groomed, friendly and completely declawed. I decided to take her in being that it was 2am and she was a 1/2 mile from home.
Well I have no milk in my house - only chocolate soymilk which I thought might make her vomit - nor did I have any tuna. So the poor cat only cat some petting and some water. She was fine with that and followed me all over the house until I tried to sleep. She wasn't havin' that and meowed until I let her roam the apartment on her own. Eventually I fell asleep and she explored.
When I awoke at 9am, she was gone. I searched all over the apartment with no sign of her. Somehow she had gotten out and wandered home. I knew this because later in the afternoon her owner called me back & left a message saying Simone was safe at home.
Just plain weird.
And yesterday another weird incident: I was crossing the street near my house when a driver came to the stop sign. He continued to inch forward as I crossed the street and damn near hit me. He made a derogatory comment to me and I asked him if he could learn how to stop at the sign. He told me to get off my cell phone and look before crossing the street. I flipped him off and kept walking..after which he called me a moron.
The fact that there are people in this world who think it's acceptable to treat another human being in this manner is upsetting to me. I was a pedestrian and he had to stop for the stop sign. It's not illegal for me to walk & talk on my cell phone. I spoke quietly and wasn't bothering anyone. It was as simple as that. To call someone a hurtful name like that because you feel like it? That's not ok and it never will be. Clearly the man has other issues - let's all hope he has not and never will procreate. And of course we can secretly wish his tires to go flat on the highway. It would serve him right.
I guess it's not so much a weird incident as I thought but it upset me and I thought I'd share. End of the weirdness..back to your regularly scheduled programming.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Can I make a request?
My true confession: On many days I'd like to be someone else.
I'd like to request a new life - scrap this one and start fresh. Think that's possible? Perhaps not but some days it sounds like a great idea.
I'm not exactly sure where the angst is coming from (could be too much She Wants Revenge for starters) but it's pervaded my entire life. I'm consumed with self-doubt on a daily basis - I worry I won't find an agent for my book, it won't get published, I won't find more freelance clients, I won't be able to quit my hateful job (yes I hate it, it's official..it only took 19 months this time which sets a new record for me) and I will continually be unfulfilled personally and professionally. Some days I let these doubts fill my head, cloud my expectations and generally wreak havoc on my inner confidence.
A few weeks ago I had the unfortunate experience of speaking with my birth mother. For those of you who don't know the story, here's a brief recap: she never wanted me, gave birth & spent the next 14 years trying desperately to get me out of her life..unless she entertained brief moments of guilt during which she called & stole me for the weekend. I kicked her out of my life when I was 14 or 15 (not sure exactly) and didn't look back - except for the 4 years of therapy that is. I avoid that side of my family with the exception of my grandmother (and my grandfather til he passed my freshmen year of college).
So back to the incident: I called my grandmother to chat as I do on a semi-frequent basis. She said my mother was there (the only person in the world who refers to Jenny Thiel as my mother - I have made it quite clear this woman simply birthed me and forgot about the other responsibilities and joys of motherhood regarding me). She put her on the phone (because what else could she do?) and we spoke for about 10 minutes. It wasn't anything mean or hurtful or shaming. It was congenial small talk between 2 somewhat strangers. It meant very little superficially but underneath it tore me apart again - as it usually does. There is an unabiding reason I asked her to leave me alone: she fucks up my life. Pure and simple. It ain't healthy kids and I know this.
I felt a lot of things: hurt, shame, indignation (however you spell that), pain and abandonment. All things I can overcome in any other area of my life; I have lived through much and have maintained a strong sense of self through those experiences (and certainly because of them). But anything pertaining to her, to motherhood or to children in pain makes me unravel. I lose it and feel blind, damaged and without limbs.
I think I'm still recovering from that 10 minute talk and it's far-reaching tentacles have snaked their way into my everyday thoughts. Wherever this is coming from, it's no good and I have to continue to labor through it.
Friday, April 07, 2006
Ponderances
My true confession: I've done some stupid things for love. And I would probably still do them today.
A friend and I were talking about life and fate and The Powers That Be the other day - in particular their relation to love. It made me think and think for a length of time. Who really chooses love? Does it choose us? Do we choose it? Or does it happen individually?
And how karmically intertwined are all of our choices? If we demand love once and then brush it off when it finds us, are we karmically doomed the next time love knocks? Or will it skip right past us on its next global run to spread Cupid's arrows?
I wish I had an answer to one - or any - of those questions but I don't. I do however believe in having a vision of life and having an idea of what you will ask of our love relationship. I firmly stand by the philosophy that you get what you demand in life. And conversely what you settle for. Taking ownership within your life is a strong turnet in my armor and I believe in doing so in all aspects and all opportunities.
Ownership is a process however - just like anything else. Often we go through denial, doubt, evasion - all of that and other emotions - before we come to a place of acceptance and acknowledgement of ourselves and our own inner power. I've felt all of those things at different times and have worked through all of them into a place where I believe I bring things into my life - good or bad - and I must deal with them accordingly. Whether or not that's even true isn't a consideration for me - it's the reality I've created for myself. It is harsh at times but it's also immensely satisifying at other times. I'll take the good with the bad any time to reach that level of personal enjoyment and satisfaction.
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