To Be or Not to Be?

It's been awhile since I've posted an actual entry..I've been a bit busy celebrating my 30th as you can see. As time marches on - which it is so wont to do with no thought to anything else - I ponder where and what I'll be doing in 1 year, 5 years and 10 years. I've had a job change and I'm surviving it. It has its positives and its not so positives...most days I enjoy it. In my heart though, I know I will not be completely happy til I'm free to work when I choose. I just have to keep plugging away and moving towards my goals. At least I seem to have left my existential life crisis behind - for now. I'm sure one of those moments will rear its head again - usually does round about late fall. But what would my life be like if I were still in Wisconsin? Would I have found a job I was happy with? Would I be dating or in love? My initial thought is no - but who knows for certain. And I don't think about that too often. What I do think about however is whether or not I'll ever date again or have a boyfriend or - *GASP* - a husband. It seems completely foreign to me because I've been on my own for so long (ah another *GASP* moment - I've had 2 significant involvements in almost 6 years folks..that's a GD long time). There is a certain point when a woman's body kicks in and wants a baby. DON'T misunderstand me - I do NOT want a child right now but my body is telling me I should get to it in the next few years. I will never in my life be a woman who will have a child because it's time and everyone else is doing it. No child deserves that - ever. If I never marry, I'll adopt when I'm 40ish (depends on finances mainly). I'm comforted by my back-up plan (which seems to currently be my Plan A unfortunately). The question of love, marriage & children likes to sit down in my lap every now and again..these were just some of my musings. Nothing brilliant but I needed to put something down in words. Enjoy the holiday weekend y'all!

Birthday celebration

I'm not very good at this picture thing yet but take a peak at some of photos below. A fun time was had in Breck by all!!! Thanks to all y'all who made it and if you didn't, too bad for you. He he he he he. All the way from Wisconsin - DeAnna. She's my favorite. :) That's Ryan hiding behind the cards. ELLI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Enjoying some cupcakes...my favorite. 3 of my favorite dancing queens - center stage. My friends Paul & Fetian - in yet another round of Uno! No night is complete without a shot like this... Kiss it y'all! My lovely friend Alicia. Two of the cutest girls you'll ever see. :) Let the festivities begin! Don't peak at my cards!

My 29th

I am practicing my picture posting for this year's 30th birthday bash in Breck. Take a peek at last year's fun... Above is a photo from last year's birthday bash (DeAnna is in red, random bartender in the white T-shirt, me in the white tank top and a random waitress in black). In this photo, we are taking shots with the wait staff in honor of both my birthday & DeAnna's birthday. My beautiful friend DeAnna flew out from Milwaukee to celebrate together. We joined up with a local bike-n-booze pub crawl and had an outrageously good time. Truly I don't think it's legal to have as much fun as we did.

Seeds of Change

I’m under the vague impression that life is about continual change, growth & renewal. The previous 29 years of my life certainly have been. So I have given up trying to avoid FNGs (f**kin’ growth opportunities) and embraced them. Every day is a new opportunity and my life certainly reflects that. Last week I spoke with my director about leaving my current position and moving back to the program side. She wasn’t thrilled with my performance and I wasn’t either; I knew my heart was with the clients. There is an opportunity move to that side but it wasn’t my first choice. I’m going to go for it anyway and see what happens. It has a lot of opportunity and potential. But as my 30th birthday approaches, I’ve been thinking a lot. I’ve come to several realizations. 1.) I think too damn much. I get far too lost in my thoughts and get stuck inside my head and forget how to relax and simply see life as it is: a journey. 2.) My 20s were not the most fun decade of my life and my 30s are going to be a helluva lot better. I’m actually looking forward to them…so long as I don’t look to be in my 30s. J 3.) If I really expect my 30s to be different, what have I learned from my 20s that I can take with me to draw upon over the next 10 years? The answer to number 3 is a lot of things: I’ve had an incredible number of wonderful moments in my 20s .. and some very painful ones. In some instances, those two are intertwined. But I will draw upon my “win file”. A speaker I saw recently suggested compiling a win file and putting all the things in there that you have done of which you are proud. During difficult situations, pull some of those out and draw upon that memory. Currently I’m reading an incredible book called “Ask and It Is Given”. It is about how to properly ask for the things you desire and focus on being in the correct state of mind/state of being to receive those things. The exercises are supposed to produce desired effect similar to that of the win file. I’ve been doing these exercises every night for the last 3 nights and I look forward to them. I have noticed a change in my attitude and my outlook and I believe the physical manifestations of that will follow shortly.

Questions from the NPG web site

NPG stands for New Power Generation - it's Prince's web site. I do love the little Purple Man. I enjoy killing time and answering quirky questions so here are a few they sent to members in an email: 1. If Prince decided 2 give up music and become a waiter, would u go 2 his job and heckle him? I would never heckle Prince but I would kindly thank him for the incredible music he has created and shared with us. 2. What do u put on ur pizza? Just cheese usually - sometimes black olives. I'm trying to branch out with artichoke hearts and peppers too. 3. Is milk really just cow mucous? (a fair question) Yes and if you knew how cows are forced to produce milk, you might consider not drinking it. I avoid it except in baked goods and drink soy. It ain't so bad folks - especially the chocolate. :) Hmmmmm...chocolate. 4. Favorite unreleased Prince track? Um, if it's unreleased how would I know it? 5. Did u know WB can only release one more "greatest hits" package and then it's finally OVER? Will u buy it or just play ur old copies? Probably play my old copies - unless they are too worn out and skip (which they have been for awhile actually) OR if there was a significant amount of unreleased songs on it. I'd still strongly consider finding this material elsewhere since Prince won't make much off the sale and the record company garners so much. 6. Has anybody in the club ever met a record xecutive in person? Ever seen one of them dance? Nope and nope. 7. Where do u hear new music most? Some online, some on the radio, some from other folks 8. How often do u buy music? Once a month of late! 9. Will u ever give up CDs completely and just go 100% online 4 all ur music needs? I guess at some point I'll have to but I don't have that capability right now - no iPod and no downloading capabilities at home. 10. 1st music U ever purchased was: I think it was Michael Jackson's Thriller or that song Monster Mash - not sure which came first in our house. 11. Last music U purchased was: Going to pick up new Herbie Hancock! I also bought John Mayer's Heavier Things and She Wants Revenge. 12. Is download piracy in the news merely a smokescreen 2 actually teach people how 2 do it. ( IE: The I-Pod ) :) Leading a horse 2 greener pasture perhaps? Possibly - hadn't considered it but I doubt it. 13. Have u made any new friends in the club since joining? Ah, no. 14. Can art and business ever truly coexist in harmony? Ah, no. Well probably but not in perfect 50/50 harmony. Interesting point to consider for sure.

A Weekend of Oddities

My weekend had some weird moments. Sat AM for starters: I came home from a party (yes completely sober) at around 2am. I found a pretty tangerine-colored cat wandering around the front of my apartment building. She snuggled up to me and I noticed she had owner tags. She was well-groomed, friendly and completely declawed. I decided to take her in being that it was 2am and she was a 1/2 mile from home. Well I have no milk in my house - only chocolate soymilk which I thought might make her vomit - nor did I have any tuna. So the poor cat only cat some petting and some water. She was fine with that and followed me all over the house until I tried to sleep. She wasn't havin' that and meowed until I let her roam the apartment on her own. Eventually I fell asleep and she explored. When I awoke at 9am, she was gone. I searched all over the apartment with no sign of her. Somehow she had gotten out and wandered home. I knew this because later in the afternoon her owner called me back & left a message saying Simone was safe at home. Just plain weird. And yesterday another weird incident: I was crossing the street near my house when a driver came to the stop sign. He continued to inch forward as I crossed the street and damn near hit me. He made a derogatory comment to me and I asked him if he could learn how to stop at the sign. He told me to get off my cell phone and look before crossing the street. I flipped him off and kept walking..after which he called me a moron. The fact that there are people in this world who think it's acceptable to treat another human being in this manner is upsetting to me. I was a pedestrian and he had to stop for the stop sign. It's not illegal for me to walk & talk on my cell phone. I spoke quietly and wasn't bothering anyone. It was as simple as that. To call someone a hurtful name like that because you feel like it? That's not ok and it never will be. Clearly the man has other issues - let's all hope he has not and never will procreate. And of course we can secretly wish his tires to go flat on the highway. It would serve him right. I guess it's not so much a weird incident as I thought but it upset me and I thought I'd share. End of the weirdness..back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Can I make a request?

My true confession: On many days I'd like to be someone else. I'd like to request a new life - scrap this one and start fresh. Think that's possible? Perhaps not but some days it sounds like a great idea. I'm not exactly sure where the angst is coming from (could be too much She Wants Revenge for starters) but it's pervaded my entire life. I'm consumed with self-doubt on a daily basis - I worry I won't find an agent for my book, it won't get published, I won't find more freelance clients, I won't be able to quit my hateful job (yes I hate it, it's official..it only took 19 months this time which sets a new record for me) and I will continually be unfulfilled personally and professionally. Some days I let these doubts fill my head, cloud my expectations and generally wreak havoc on my inner confidence. A few weeks ago I had the unfortunate experience of speaking with my birth mother. For those of you who don't know the story, here's a brief recap: she never wanted me, gave birth & spent the next 14 years trying desperately to get me out of her life..unless she entertained brief moments of guilt during which she called & stole me for the weekend. I kicked her out of my life when I was 14 or 15 (not sure exactly) and didn't look back - except for the 4 years of therapy that is. I avoid that side of my family with the exception of my grandmother (and my grandfather til he passed my freshmen year of college). So back to the incident: I called my grandmother to chat as I do on a semi-frequent basis. She said my mother was there (the only person in the world who refers to Jenny Thiel as my mother - I have made it quite clear this woman simply birthed me and forgot about the other responsibilities and joys of motherhood regarding me). She put her on the phone (because what else could she do?) and we spoke for about 10 minutes. It wasn't anything mean or hurtful or shaming. It was congenial small talk between 2 somewhat strangers. It meant very little superficially but underneath it tore me apart again - as it usually does. There is an unabiding reason I asked her to leave me alone: she fucks up my life. Pure and simple. It ain't healthy kids and I know this. I felt a lot of things: hurt, shame, indignation (however you spell that), pain and abandonment. All things I can overcome in any other area of my life; I have lived through much and have maintained a strong sense of self through those experiences (and certainly because of them). But anything pertaining to her, to motherhood or to children in pain makes me unravel. I lose it and feel blind, damaged and without limbs. I think I'm still recovering from that 10 minute talk and it's far-reaching tentacles have snaked their way into my everyday thoughts. Wherever this is coming from, it's no good and I have to continue to labor through it.

Ponderances

My true confession: I've done some stupid things for love. And I would probably still do them today. A friend and I were talking about life and fate and The Powers That Be the other day - in particular their relation to love. It made me think and think for a length of time. Who really chooses love? Does it choose us? Do we choose it? Or does it happen individually? And how karmically intertwined are all of our choices? If we demand love once and then brush it off when it finds us, are we karmically doomed the next time love knocks? Or will it skip right past us on its next global run to spread Cupid's arrows? I wish I had an answer to one - or any - of those questions but I don't. I do however believe in having a vision of life and having an idea of what you will ask of our love relationship. I firmly stand by the philosophy that you get what you demand in life. And conversely what you settle for. Taking ownership within your life is a strong turnet in my armor and I believe in doing so in all aspects and all opportunities. Ownership is a process however - just like anything else. Often we go through denial, doubt, evasion - all of that and other emotions - before we come to a place of acceptance and acknowledgement of ourselves and our own inner power. I've felt all of those things at different times and have worked through all of them into a place where I believe I bring things into my life - good or bad - and I must deal with them accordingly. Whether or not that's even true isn't a consideration for me - it's the reality I've created for myself. It is harsh at times but it's also immensely satisifying at other times. I'll take the good with the bad any time to reach that level of personal enjoyment and satisfaction.

March Madness

My True Confession: Spring fever hits me every year and upsets my calm, complacent existence. No I'm not talkin basketball tournies & upsets - I'm talking about the itch I get every March. It never fails, every year around this time I want to chuck my life to the curb and change everything. I want to walk away from my job, my cell phone bill, my everyday living "adult" demands and become a hermit...or a wayward American adrift in Nepal...or a cosmpolitan debutante lunching in Manhattan...or a forgotten countryside dwelling writer typing away with the fury of a 1,000 demons. Any of those - none of those - it doesn't matter, I just want to forget it all and leave my adult self behind. Spring must be the culprit, the zenith of a year of oppression unleashing itself. Something's the culprit behind my dingy & moody daydreams because every March I get waylaid at work about some mistake (or several) that I make that inevitably fuck up something. It's never monumental or cataclysmic - just minor details I should have caught before making said mistake. And then the self-doubt, the questioning all set in - why I am doing this? why I am here? why do I bother? why do I go to the same damn job every day from 9-5 (or 6 or 7 as the case may be) doing the same irksome things with no results? And to those questions I have only one answer: to support my existence. What good is that?! None I tell you, none. Not for me anyway. Most days I enjoy work, somewhat. This entire month however has been a sham. I've not tackled nor embraced every day with the same gusto, the same heart & soul as I have before. I'm not sure I will again and I'm not sure why I haven't. Perhaps I'm not doing what my heart yearns for..well I'm sure I'm not actually. All I want out of life is to write and make a decent living..not Bob Bly $300,000 a year living, a modest income to support my writing habit. Instead I've thwarted all my internal efforts down this road. Until now. With a renewed vigor, I've jumped into the writing game head first. It's not quite sink or swim yet but I plan to make that jump within the next 12 months. Sooner than I originally had planned but it's the only salve, the only baum to nurse and heal my self-depreciating wounds. So I've incorporated my freelance business, opened my biz checking account & am beginning to network for new clients. My book proposal will be ready by spring's end and then we'll jump off the high dive - we'll see if anyone else out there thinks my novel merits consideration, publication, justification.

Four for Friday

You know I can't resist these things. Tell me 4 things about you I need to know! Here are mine. Four movies I love: 1. Bull Durham 2. Walk The Line 3. The Princess Bride 4. Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle Four jobs I've had in my life: 1. PR 2. newspaper delivery 3. journalist 4. The Glue - current position :) But I do love it!! Four places I have lived: 1. Mayberry, WI (Mayville) 2. Oshkosh, WI 3. Milwaukee, WI 4. Denver, CO - current Four TV shows I love to watch: 1. Grey’s Anatomy 2. Supernatural 3. Buffy (hey no one said they had to be current shows!) 4. Whatever else is on when I'm too tired to read or work Four places I have been on vacation: 1. Key West & Cozumel, Mexico (same trip - counts as one!) 2. Cali 3. DC 4. Canada Four websites I visit daily: 1. Yahoo! 2. sweetpotatoqueens.com 3. Craigslist 4. Varies - usually short-track speedskating related Four of my favorite foods: 1. Bean burritos - preferably smothered with non-pork green chile 2. Strawberries & cream 3. Smoothies 4. Stir-fries Four places I would rather be right now: 1. Any place warm!!! 2. NYC 3. Shopping 4. Galapagos Islands

Tuesday's are boring

My true confession of the week: I don't want to be at work, I want to be at home writing my book. Every day of the week has a personality I think..except Tuesday. Wednesday is Hump Day because the week is 1/2 over. Thursday is a bit exciting because the weekend is about to begin. Friday is fun because hey! the weekend has arrived! Saturday is super fun - no work the next day so the day is entirely without commitments. Sunday is relaxing because Saturday was fun, maybe too much so and now some down time is needed. And Monday is blah and boring because the weekend is over and work has begun again. Or, the weekend may have been so good that it carries over into Monday and makes it a good day. That leaves Tuesday. Boring old Tuesday. The only reason I liked Tuesdays previously was because Supernatural was on. It has now moved to Thursdays so even that pick-me-up is gone. Hmmmph. I hate Tuesdays.

Why oh why?

Why do men act the way they do? And why do women act so dayum crazy? The two eternally asked questions that may never be answered. I went out with a guy from eHarmony about 2 weeks ago. We had a decent time - not a toe-tingling night but an okay night nonethless. He asked - several times - if I wanted to see him again. I said yes - both times he asked. He emailed after the date (2 days after proving he's not needy or so The Rules would have us believe) and asked again. I was ultra-busy at work and emailed him a few days later saying yes it would be fine to get together again so long as it's understood that I need to take things slowly. I was honest and forthright. And do you know what happened? I never heard back from him. And at this point, if he did email/phone/telepathetically contact me, I'd tell him to jump in an icy stream (we only have streams here in Colorado - large bodies of water are non-existent). Seriously - what the hell?? Because I took 3 days to write back and asked to move things slowly, suddenly I'm not as interesting? Whatever. So I'm back to Square One. No dates, no potentials (the one guy I was interested in now has a girlfriend because as we all know, good men don't stay single for long if they don't want to. Good women on the other hand can stay single for an eternity. Another long unsolved mystery in the history of humankind's existence) and I'm not happy about it. I'm dealing but I'm not thrilled. I'm out of the online dating pool - I just don't like it. So if any of you out there know of a good man in Colorado, send him my way. Peace out & enjoy your weekend. I'm certainly going to - man or no man.

Mmmm...raw

So it's been awhile since I've posted. I've been swamped at work and at home - freelance gigs have eaten up a lot of my free time. I also got sick just before the workload piled up. It was a rough couple of weeks! Since I've moved to Colorado I've gotten sick about every other month. I couldn't quite understand why and I'm still not sure about it. In January, I began taking vitamins & mineral supplements from a company called Melaleuca. I like them a lot and they have definitely helped. Last week was the first time I had been sick since December... a vast improvement over last year. My eating habits are the same but I'll admit my stress level is a bit higher and the pollution of this city is amazing. We have smog just like LA, Dallas, etc. I'm sure that plays a factor in my health - how could it not?! Before getting sick last week, I had joined an online group for a raw food challenge for the month of March. Everything you eat is raw - 100%. No you don't eat raw chicken or eggs or beef. You eat lots of fruits, veggies, nuts, sprouted grains and add Bragg's Aminos (and the like) to your meals for fortifiers. I lasted 2.5 days for a couple of reasons. 1.) My first grocery bill was $50...and that was enough for smoothies for the week and a couple of salads. When I bought 65% of the list we were given, my total came to $100. $150 for a week of groceries is more than I can afford. I spend $50-$60 and that's when I buy all organic (which I do about 90% of the time). 2.) The $$ wasn't the only issue - the prep time involved is extensive. I've spent 4-6 hrs in the kitchen between Sunday night, Monday night & Tuesday night. I don't have 2 hrs to spend in the kitchen every damn day - ain't happenin'. I'm not that patient and I don't like to cook quite that much. 3.) Not the most practical of all options. It's not easy to stay home and decline a friend's request to go to dinner. I'm happy to eat a salad with all the veggies & fruits I can get but to bring my own dressing? I can't do it. I'm not that much of a diva and I won't become one now. 4.) Have you ever tried to deny a PMS'ing woman's cravings? Don't do it. I'm telling you, she'll eat you for a snack and then get her hands on whatever she's craving. That's where I'm at - get out of my way and let me eat folks. So my decision was to go organic & raw as much as possible with only two cheats per week: one pop and one brownie/cookie/etc. I already eat a lot of fruits & veggies and this experience has given me so many new recipes and ideas that it will absolutely carry into my everyday living. Despite the sticker shock at the checkout line, it was well worth it. Oh and I really dig Kombucha drinks - they're yummy in an odd way and really good for you. Give 'em a try!

Dream dream dream..

At my office, we currently share space with the company we bought the building from (they shall remain nameless as shall my company). And my co-worker told me about a man who works in their office who is lovely. I didn't notice him until the other day (I am far too busy most days to notice anyone who isn't in my direct line of sight) and wow, I'm in luuuuuvvvvvv. He's quite dreamy even though he's probably old enough to be my uncle. But I don't care - he's hot...gorgeous bright blue eyes, slight Southern accent & nice manners. Sadly his company leaves our building this weekend. But until then, I'll be secretly sneaking glances at him...

Tired, Wired & Rewired

I had quite possibly the most boring & uneventful weekend of my life this past weekend. Denver's temps hovered in the single digits, dipping below zero frequently. I don't do frigid air like that - ridiculous I say. Human beings aren't meant to endure such tundra-esque weather. I HATE cold and it makes me cranky. Let me define cold for you before you get up in arms about my Wisconsin heritage & call me a pansy for not liking the cold. Cold according to my terms is anything under 15 degrees be that wind chill or not. If it's below 15, I ain't doin' a dayum thing. PERIOD. So that's what I did this weekend - nothing. I called a few friends, called my family, walked to a nearby thrift store & bought a new top and purse, and read 2 books. Yep, 2 books start to finish. I also worked on my book proposal but barely. Saturday night I did make it a friend's house - Sean's - and we watched the Olympics. I was mainly interested in the short-track and boy was there some skatin' to be watched!!! 3 heats of the men's 1000m and two Olympic records (one set by Rusty Smith and then later broken by Ahn Hyun-Soo of Korea). It was incredibly tight final - Ahn won the silver, his teammate Lee Ho-Suk and Apolo Ohno took home the bronze. If you didn't catch it, you missed out. Never fear! The 500m is Wednesday night - Apolo is the only American skating - and Saturday night is the crazy, hectic & often cataclysmic 5,000m relay. Five teams will be competing in this race - all 4 members of each team will be on the ice. It's fun to watch so tune in!

Eekk

It looks like I lost that last post I started. It wasn't anything terribly important! Yesterday was a crap day - got off to a bad start with random meetings and unfulfilled client requests. It seemed I could do nothing to help people and the people came in droves. It did improve slightly in the afternoon and my evening yoga session sent me home in an even state of bliss. Yoga always, always, always calms me and adds a pick-me-up at the end of my day. Just walking into my studio is soothing! However I was perturbed to realize I missed part of the short track 1000m heats - I missed Rusty's heat. I did see Apolo qualify and then I watched some incredible skating during the team relay. It was fantastic! To the inexperienced eye, short track relay races look like mass chaos on skates. But once you understand what's going on, who's supposed to be where and can train your eyes to follow - it's amazing. Great skating by the US team. It certainly helped when Japan & Italy fell & dropped off by a 1/2 lap. DQs followed later allowing Italy to qualify for the finals. The finals air Saturday night for both the 1000m & the 5000m relay. You know where I will be!! Tonight I am supposed to run with a friend and then go to a book signing. I want to do neither - I simply want to go home, call a few friends, read a book & watch some Olympics. We'll see. I may be a bum and opt out of both. I haven't been home at all this week. Monday I ran after work and through a series of unfortunate events, I didn't make it home til 9pm. Tuesday was Anti-Valentine's Day and last night was dinner & yoga. Maybe tonight will be the night for some quality Lara time. :)

Weekend wrap-up

Well I realize it's Tuesday but this is the first second I've had to post. My weekend was all right. Friday night was my first real date and it turned out to be my last. I've decided I'm not ready to get out there just yet - I need a little more healing time. It upsets me that this past relationship has caused a lot of heartache but that's life I guess. At least I've had the internal knowledge & insight to know that before I've hurt anyone. So back to the single life for me. Saturday I snowshoed and sucked it up. I was pretty exhausted after a short hike with relatively little elevation gain. So I've now added interval training to my weekly work-outs and hopefully that will help. And if it doesn't, I've got to figure out a way to deal with altitude. Saturday night I went to dinner with a few friends at a place called Proto's. We sat in the tiny entrance area for 40 minutes, waiting to eat. Now do you know why we waited 40 min? Because 2 men decided they needed to have coffee for the entire duration of those 40 minutes. There were 3 of us waiting to eat and we needed a larger table that seated all of us. There were several larger groups seated but none of them had eaten yet. These 2 men - the coffee clutchers - had finished their meals & had finished dessert just as we walked in. I thought they were incredibly rude to dawdle over coffee (3 refills mind you) while the 3 of us stood in the cramped entranceway. So after 40 minutes, a table opened up. And do you know which one it was? NOT the coffee clutchers. Another group left and we took that table. You may ask why wait that long? Why not go somewhere else? Well it's the principle of it. Once you've committed more than 10 minutes some place, you're in. If you leave, you have to start the whole process over again and for all you know, there may be 7 groups of coffee clutchers at the next place you try to eat. We dug in our heels, I glared at the coffee clutchers and made threatening comments under my breath and we stayed. Was the food worth it? I don't know if any food is worth a 40 minute coffee clutcher wait. But Proto's was good. The sparkling wine I drank was excellent, the pizza fresh & tasty and the chocolate cannoli (spelling??) was DIVINE. It may have been the most exquisite chocolate dessert I've ever had. Well maybe not ever but definitely Top Five classification. And people I eat a lot of chocolate, I know a thing or two. :) And Sunday I did next to nothing - watched some Olympics, read a book, went for a walk & talked on the phone for awhile. Overall, pretty dull but that's what Sundays are for - leisure time. Adios to last week & welcome to this week! Enjoy your week folks.

Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day all. Today is nothing special for me - just the usual. No flowers, no candy, no romantical dinner - nothing. And I'm ok with that. As I posted in earlier, I'm not ready to date again but I also don't feel great about being single. In fact, I hate it. I had just started to accept being single and 30 when I started my last relationship. I didn't expect it to be over so soon (or ever really, I was pretty smitten. Apparently blindly smitten...). But it is and now I have to get back in the groove of being single. So I'm struggling with it but that's what I do - struggle and persevere. But as much as I hate V-Day, I've decided to spend the evening at a party. It's an anti-Valentine's Day party mind you - filled with wine, candy & lots of singletons. Whether or not they're unhappy singletons, I can't comment. I'm on the fence about it personally - there are lots of positives to being single (a LOT) and a few drawbacks. Now being alone is another story - not many +s there and sometimes I feel very alone...not just single. I've felt quite alone for the last year until I settled in and made some new friends. Now I usually just feel single which is all right with me. Single I can handle, alone I don't do so well. Anyway, I better get back to work...enjoy your day everyone!

A real true date

So I have a date tonight - it's probably the first real one I've had since my last break-up (which was about the only relationship I've had in the last 5 years). I joined eHarmony about a month ago and am now getting to the "let's meet up" stage. And do you know what we're doing? Going to a bar to catch the Olympics. Yep it was my idea. Other than the date, I'll be outdoors most of the weekend - snowshoeing tomorrow with Sean's Snowshoeing Sweethearts. :) That's what we call ourselves and we're a fun group. Sunday I am hiking with MiD - unless my X shows up to hike. Then I won't go as I don't want to be within 100 feet of him right now..I'd probably try to kick him (ok probably not but I'd visualize it A LOT. In fact, I'm visualizing it right now. -pause- I feel better.). And I'll fit in yoga somewhere in there. What are you all doing? Enjoy your free time whatever you do!

Insomniacs for yoga

Today is another day in Lara's land of the grouchies. I'm a complete and absolute crab ass - hence I'm posting here and not working like I should. Ever since I've moved to Colorado, I've been an intermittent insomniac. There will be times I cannot sleep for a few days (not much more than several hrs at a time anyway) or a few weeks. Then it will pass and I'll be fine for several months. I'm afraid the insomnia is back. I awoke around 3:15am this morning and after seeing The Exorcism of Emily Rose, I freaked myself out for the entire hour (and I'm pretty darn sure I heard weird noises at one point). But by 5:45am, I fell back to sleep til about 7:45am...which meant I didn't go to my morning yoga class. Yoga has replaced my weight training because I don't go to the gym. I don't belong to a gym anymore because the cost of the Y is too high. And the Y is one of the few gyms close to my apartment. If it ain't close, it ain't happenin'..period. So instead I run, walk to work, hike or snowshoe and go to yoga. Yoga is an incredibly uplifting experience for me so when I miss it or can't fit it in, I get disappointed. I don't know if I'll make it at all this week because my social calendar is jam-packed. I gotta fit it in at some point though or I'm gonna get even crankier...and that's no good!