Week #4

Here we are - Week Four of The Presence Process.



I have experienced a great deal of challenges in the past week. In fact I cried during almost every meditation last week - it was exhausting and emotionally brutal on many levels.



I almost made the tough decision to stay in Colorado for Christmas. It is my first holiday without my family and it pulls at my heart.



But it was a necessary step for me. I need to stay in CO to save money and for some other reason I haven't been able to articulate. Something inside of me is saying to be here over the holidays...not sure of the reason but I am going to listen to my own inner voice. And that's a practice I am doing more and more of lately.



Sometimes I marvel at how little I heed my own desires/internal voice - and how often I do what I think other people want me to do.



I am beginning to truly understand that when we all follow our own paths, our own callings...then we can all be present in our lives and achieve an authentic life for ourselves.



I knew that on an intellectual level but I am finally feeling it inside of my body (and being the Taurus/Capricorn Earth sign that I am I have to feel something before I can truly understand it).



In other news, I have none. ;) No boys. I went out on a few dates over the last few weeks but none of them seem to be leaning towards a romantic involvement. They are all nice guys who I will be friends with but for various reasons I doubt they will become more.



One is a friend who just moved here. I think he smokes so he's out! I can tolerate a lot but that's a dealbreaker for me. ;)



The other is the drummer boy from last year. I asked for what I wanted (just some time to hang out) and I've gotten no response. So there's my answer! HA! It's all right. He's a good guy.



The other guy is also a friend who just isn't compatible in a romantic way.



Back to square one in that department which is fine. I believe in letting doors close so new ones can open. I'm looking for the new one!