Week #4

Here we are - Week Four of The Presence Process.



I have experienced a great deal of challenges in the past week. In fact I cried during almost every meditation last week - it was exhausting and emotionally brutal on many levels.



I almost made the tough decision to stay in Colorado for Christmas. It is my first holiday without my family and it pulls at my heart.



But it was a necessary step for me. I need to stay in CO to save money and for some other reason I haven't been able to articulate. Something inside of me is saying to be here over the holidays...not sure of the reason but I am going to listen to my own inner voice. And that's a practice I am doing more and more of lately.



Sometimes I marvel at how little I heed my own desires/internal voice - and how often I do what I think other people want me to do.



I am beginning to truly understand that when we all follow our own paths, our own callings...then we can all be present in our lives and achieve an authentic life for ourselves.



I knew that on an intellectual level but I am finally feeling it inside of my body (and being the Taurus/Capricorn Earth sign that I am I have to feel something before I can truly understand it).



In other news, I have none. ;) No boys. I went out on a few dates over the last few weeks but none of them seem to be leaning towards a romantic involvement. They are all nice guys who I will be friends with but for various reasons I doubt they will become more.



One is a friend who just moved here. I think he smokes so he's out! I can tolerate a lot but that's a dealbreaker for me. ;)



The other is the drummer boy from last year. I asked for what I wanted (just some time to hang out) and I've gotten no response. So there's my answer! HA! It's all right. He's a good guy.



The other guy is also a friend who just isn't compatible in a romantic way.



Back to square one in that department which is fine. I believe in letting doors close so new ones can open. I'm looking for the new one!

Chapstick Revelations

The Presence Process is an interesting experience to say the least. Today I was debating over whether or not to take my super fantastic Alba Unpetroleum chapstick (cherry of course) out of my purse and into my pocket when I had a realization.

I considered putting the chapstick into my pocket but hesitated because I was afraid I would forget it tomorrow and then be stuck with my 2nd favorite chapstick: Kiss My Face strawberry.

I realized I do the same thing with the rest of my life: I put off what I know will be enjoyment in the moment for fear I will lose or not regain that enjoyment later on.

Who would've thought chapstick would shed light on my inner workings? Fascinating.

Day 13

Well it's been 10 days since my last update. But at least I am here now! So much has happened in those 10 days...it's been a bit overwhelming to be honest.



I've cried almost every day in those 10 days and at times the tears have come from nowhere. They have all had a deep-seated center where they have stemmed from though.



Through a series of realizations (or what TPP calls "reflections") I see now that I always put others first in every situation. Rarely if ever in my life have I exercised my own voice, my own resonance and my own purpose (more on purpose later).



But when I have spoken my truth it has been liberating, joyful and incredibly powerful.



The few examples I can give you include moving to Colorado, moving to Boulder and choosing writing as my lifelong profession.



I haven't always gone into each of these situations with a full acknowledgment of my purpose and my intent - at least not a fully conscious acknowledgment - but it has always been there. And each of those decisions have been so transformative there can be little doubt that they were authentic decisions.



In essence what I am trying to say (in my somewhat blathering explanation) is that these decisions have been in line with what my heart and soul told me is my purpose.



Today I was at a coffee shop reading a book called "The Power of Purpose" and within a few short chapters I realized I have been on a quest to find my purpose. Reading the words the author shares and the stories he weaves I began to understand 2009 is going to be a powerful year for me. I am leaving my 3 day PT job to focus on copywriting on a full-time basis. I am going to teach somewhere in some capacity at least 1 day per week and I am also going to take a few weeks (or months) and travel.



My heart longs to see the world and I have denied it for far too long. I have always let money or other people be obstacles on that path. There will be no more obstacles, I am removing them and I am following my bliss.



Right now the only thing I know for sure is that my bliss involves much more writing, teaching and traveling.



No longer will I stifle my own voice, my own hopes and my own passions for anyone else. No one.