Questions from the NPG web site

NPG stands for New Power Generation - it's Prince's web site. I do love the little Purple Man. I enjoy killing time and answering quirky questions so here are a few they sent to members in an email: 1. If Prince decided 2 give up music and become a waiter, would u go 2 his job and heckle him? I would never heckle Prince but I would kindly thank him for the incredible music he has created and shared with us. 2. What do u put on ur pizza? Just cheese usually - sometimes black olives. I'm trying to branch out with artichoke hearts and peppers too. 3. Is milk really just cow mucous? (a fair question) Yes and if you knew how cows are forced to produce milk, you might consider not drinking it. I avoid it except in baked goods and drink soy. It ain't so bad folks - especially the chocolate. :) Hmmmmm...chocolate. 4. Favorite unreleased Prince track? Um, if it's unreleased how would I know it? 5. Did u know WB can only release one more "greatest hits" package and then it's finally OVER? Will u buy it or just play ur old copies? Probably play my old copies - unless they are too worn out and skip (which they have been for awhile actually) OR if there was a significant amount of unreleased songs on it. I'd still strongly consider finding this material elsewhere since Prince won't make much off the sale and the record company garners so much. 6. Has anybody in the club ever met a record xecutive in person? Ever seen one of them dance? Nope and nope. 7. Where do u hear new music most? Some online, some on the radio, some from other folks 8. How often do u buy music? Once a month of late! 9. Will u ever give up CDs completely and just go 100% online 4 all ur music needs? I guess at some point I'll have to but I don't have that capability right now - no iPod and no downloading capabilities at home. 10. 1st music U ever purchased was: I think it was Michael Jackson's Thriller or that song Monster Mash - not sure which came first in our house. 11. Last music U purchased was: Going to pick up new Herbie Hancock! I also bought John Mayer's Heavier Things and She Wants Revenge. 12. Is download piracy in the news merely a smokescreen 2 actually teach people how 2 do it. ( IE: The I-Pod ) :) Leading a horse 2 greener pasture perhaps? Possibly - hadn't considered it but I doubt it. 13. Have u made any new friends in the club since joining? Ah, no. 14. Can art and business ever truly coexist in harmony? Ah, no. Well probably but not in perfect 50/50 harmony. Interesting point to consider for sure.

A Weekend of Oddities

My weekend had some weird moments. Sat AM for starters: I came home from a party (yes completely sober) at around 2am. I found a pretty tangerine-colored cat wandering around the front of my apartment building. She snuggled up to me and I noticed she had owner tags. She was well-groomed, friendly and completely declawed. I decided to take her in being that it was 2am and she was a 1/2 mile from home. Well I have no milk in my house - only chocolate soymilk which I thought might make her vomit - nor did I have any tuna. So the poor cat only cat some petting and some water. She was fine with that and followed me all over the house until I tried to sleep. She wasn't havin' that and meowed until I let her roam the apartment on her own. Eventually I fell asleep and she explored. When I awoke at 9am, she was gone. I searched all over the apartment with no sign of her. Somehow she had gotten out and wandered home. I knew this because later in the afternoon her owner called me back & left a message saying Simone was safe at home. Just plain weird. And yesterday another weird incident: I was crossing the street near my house when a driver came to the stop sign. He continued to inch forward as I crossed the street and damn near hit me. He made a derogatory comment to me and I asked him if he could learn how to stop at the sign. He told me to get off my cell phone and look before crossing the street. I flipped him off and kept walking..after which he called me a moron. The fact that there are people in this world who think it's acceptable to treat another human being in this manner is upsetting to me. I was a pedestrian and he had to stop for the stop sign. It's not illegal for me to walk & talk on my cell phone. I spoke quietly and wasn't bothering anyone. It was as simple as that. To call someone a hurtful name like that because you feel like it? That's not ok and it never will be. Clearly the man has other issues - let's all hope he has not and never will procreate. And of course we can secretly wish his tires to go flat on the highway. It would serve him right. I guess it's not so much a weird incident as I thought but it upset me and I thought I'd share. End of the weirdness..back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Can I make a request?

My true confession: On many days I'd like to be someone else. I'd like to request a new life - scrap this one and start fresh. Think that's possible? Perhaps not but some days it sounds like a great idea. I'm not exactly sure where the angst is coming from (could be too much She Wants Revenge for starters) but it's pervaded my entire life. I'm consumed with self-doubt on a daily basis - I worry I won't find an agent for my book, it won't get published, I won't find more freelance clients, I won't be able to quit my hateful job (yes I hate it, it's official..it only took 19 months this time which sets a new record for me) and I will continually be unfulfilled personally and professionally. Some days I let these doubts fill my head, cloud my expectations and generally wreak havoc on my inner confidence. A few weeks ago I had the unfortunate experience of speaking with my birth mother. For those of you who don't know the story, here's a brief recap: she never wanted me, gave birth & spent the next 14 years trying desperately to get me out of her life..unless she entertained brief moments of guilt during which she called & stole me for the weekend. I kicked her out of my life when I was 14 or 15 (not sure exactly) and didn't look back - except for the 4 years of therapy that is. I avoid that side of my family with the exception of my grandmother (and my grandfather til he passed my freshmen year of college). So back to the incident: I called my grandmother to chat as I do on a semi-frequent basis. She said my mother was there (the only person in the world who refers to Jenny Thiel as my mother - I have made it quite clear this woman simply birthed me and forgot about the other responsibilities and joys of motherhood regarding me). She put her on the phone (because what else could she do?) and we spoke for about 10 minutes. It wasn't anything mean or hurtful or shaming. It was congenial small talk between 2 somewhat strangers. It meant very little superficially but underneath it tore me apart again - as it usually does. There is an unabiding reason I asked her to leave me alone: she fucks up my life. Pure and simple. It ain't healthy kids and I know this. I felt a lot of things: hurt, shame, indignation (however you spell that), pain and abandonment. All things I can overcome in any other area of my life; I have lived through much and have maintained a strong sense of self through those experiences (and certainly because of them). But anything pertaining to her, to motherhood or to children in pain makes me unravel. I lose it and feel blind, damaged and without limbs. I think I'm still recovering from that 10 minute talk and it's far-reaching tentacles have snaked their way into my everyday thoughts. Wherever this is coming from, it's no good and I have to continue to labor through it.

Ponderances

My true confession: I've done some stupid things for love. And I would probably still do them today. A friend and I were talking about life and fate and The Powers That Be the other day - in particular their relation to love. It made me think and think for a length of time. Who really chooses love? Does it choose us? Do we choose it? Or does it happen individually? And how karmically intertwined are all of our choices? If we demand love once and then brush it off when it finds us, are we karmically doomed the next time love knocks? Or will it skip right past us on its next global run to spread Cupid's arrows? I wish I had an answer to one - or any - of those questions but I don't. I do however believe in having a vision of life and having an idea of what you will ask of our love relationship. I firmly stand by the philosophy that you get what you demand in life. And conversely what you settle for. Taking ownership within your life is a strong turnet in my armor and I believe in doing so in all aspects and all opportunities. Ownership is a process however - just like anything else. Often we go through denial, doubt, evasion - all of that and other emotions - before we come to a place of acceptance and acknowledgement of ourselves and our own inner power. I've felt all of those things at different times and have worked through all of them into a place where I believe I bring things into my life - good or bad - and I must deal with them accordingly. Whether or not that's even true isn't a consideration for me - it's the reality I've created for myself. It is harsh at times but it's also immensely satisifying at other times. I'll take the good with the bad any time to reach that level of personal enjoyment and satisfaction.