Day 13

Well it's been 10 days since my last update. But at least I am here now! So much has happened in those 10 days...it's been a bit overwhelming to be honest.



I've cried almost every day in those 10 days and at times the tears have come from nowhere. They have all had a deep-seated center where they have stemmed from though.



Through a series of realizations (or what TPP calls "reflections") I see now that I always put others first in every situation. Rarely if ever in my life have I exercised my own voice, my own resonance and my own purpose (more on purpose later).



But when I have spoken my truth it has been liberating, joyful and incredibly powerful.



The few examples I can give you include moving to Colorado, moving to Boulder and choosing writing as my lifelong profession.



I haven't always gone into each of these situations with a full acknowledgment of my purpose and my intent - at least not a fully conscious acknowledgment - but it has always been there. And each of those decisions have been so transformative there can be little doubt that they were authentic decisions.



In essence what I am trying to say (in my somewhat blathering explanation) is that these decisions have been in line with what my heart and soul told me is my purpose.



Today I was at a coffee shop reading a book called "The Power of Purpose" and within a few short chapters I realized I have been on a quest to find my purpose. Reading the words the author shares and the stories he weaves I began to understand 2009 is going to be a powerful year for me. I am leaving my 3 day PT job to focus on copywriting on a full-time basis. I am going to teach somewhere in some capacity at least 1 day per week and I am also going to take a few weeks (or months) and travel.



My heart longs to see the world and I have denied it for far too long. I have always let money or other people be obstacles on that path. There will be no more obstacles, I am removing them and I am following my bliss.



Right now the only thing I know for sure is that my bliss involves much more writing, teaching and traveling.



No longer will I stifle my own voice, my own hopes and my own passions for anyone else. No one.

Day #3

We're at Day Three. I've done my exercises every morning and night, reread what I am supposed to reread and am basically doing everything I should.


And it seems to be working. I've fluctuated between weepiness, joy, jubiliation and frustration. This should be a very fun 77 days. :|

The Presence Process

So I'm reading and going through something called The Presence Process.


My roommate suggested the book and suggested we go through it together. All it consists of is reading, doing some breathwork every morning and evening followed by some processing tools (stuff to help you figure out what's going on internally).


I'm always in for a growth opportunity so I agreed to do it.


So here we are on Day 2. I notice some considerable differences after the breathing exercises - I have more energy in the morning (and if you know me you'll know that's a flippin' miracle), I feel more vibrant and the world is crisper, clearer in my vision and I feel more grounded in my body.


The only struggle so far has come up today. I have experienced feelings of sadness, loneliness and longing for a man in my life.


Now whether or not those feelings are attributable to the Presence Process or just to the back to back Cancer-Leo moon...well that I don't know.


I should explain that statement by saying that my 7th house has Leo in Mars and Cancer in Saturn. The 7th house rules relationships and when you have a sign in a planet in a house that makes the house a lot stronger. I can get deeper but you get the jist - I want a boy and I want to cuddle...that sums it up.


Anyway my plan is to update this blog with my trials and discoveries along the way through the PP. I am intrigued to see where this will go!

A Rock and a Hard Place

Yes it's been awhile since I updated this blog and you dear reader. Well here's a quick recap: I finally found a new home, a new contract gig to pay for the new home and a new roommate. Sounds great right? Like many things it is in theory but the paper version is another story.


The home is lovely - downtown Boulder 2 bedroom condo that's reasonably quiet and has been well-maintained.


It's nice to live and commute via bus a majority of the time.


The real issue is the roommate. He's wonderful - and that's the problem. He's too wonderful and I seem to have fallen for him while he continues to date. In fact there's someone in our home right now.


I truly am in a difficult spot. He's great to be with and he's easy to live with. We get along and agree on many things and are great friends.


And if I had met him in any other setting I would've asked him out or found a way to make feelings a bit clearer. When I initially met him he said he wasn't really interested in a relationship right now so I kept my mouth shut. I thought if I brought up my attraction it wouldn't lead to anything...and I'd lose a potential roommate in the process along with a potentially great friend (which he has become).


Part of me still thinks I did the right thing but another part of me wishes I had avoided this whole uncomfortable situation.


But now I've signed a lease and it would be a challenge to get out of it. I have no idea what to do so I'll just be with this and let go of my emotional attachment...and I'll probably go on a few dates too.