Post-holiday letdown

In my last update (or one of the my last updates), I shared that this would be my first holiday season in Colorado. I would not be joining the rest of my family and friends in Wisconsin.


I did stay in Boulder for the holiday season and it was very low-key and relaxed. In fact it was almost nourishing and I felt much calmer and more centered than I have during any other holiday season. It was nice.





I didn't do much of anything - visited my friend in Fort Collins and lounged on the couch. Of course I was sick the entire week after Christmas so that added to my lounging. But overall it was just a much simpler Christmas than I've ever had.


Would I do it all over again? Yes. Will I do it again next year? Hard to say. I missed my family so very much, it hurts my heart to think about them. But it was wonderful to not have to be around tons of married couples and kids. I mean that in a kind way - it's very difficult to be around people who have what I want and haven't managed to find. It's like being on a diet and being in a roomful of chocolate cake (or whatever your favorite food happens to be). It's tough to see what you don't have but truly want...and NOT be affected by seeing it.


I'm not sure that accurately conveys my feelings but it's the best way I can explain.


But now I find myself in a bit of a post-holiday slump. 2009 is here and I am feeling reticent to fully embrace this year with open arms.


I'm feeling a bit disoriented and distracted by my everyday life - like why I am going to a job I don't really like? Why am I even attempting to date? What is my real purpose in this lifetime? Am I on the right track? Am I any good at what I do?


I don't have the answers to all of those questions. I'm not sure I have the answers to ANY of those questions!! But I am searching because that's what I do. And my Taurus/Capricorn tenacity won't let me stop til I find the answers...or uncover them from within as it were.


Some of my angst stems from an opportunity I have that I feel I may have to postpone due to finances. I have the chance to be a part of a copywriting coaching program. It's fairly expensive as all coaching programs are and I'm certain it's worth the money. But I have access to about 1/10 of the total right now.


And it's a bit daunting to move so quickly on this - I'd need a grand by this Friday. I have maybe half of that right now.


So I am considering making this program an investment in 2009...meaning I would postpone starting this program for the next month or two while I save up at least half of the total.


I'm not even sure that's an option for the person who will be coaching me so I have to check that out as well. This is definitely something I must do in order to move ahead with my copywriting career - there's no question about that - it's simply a matter of when am I going to do it. We'll see.


So that is one part of my angst. The other part contributing to my mood is of course dating.


I think I may be completely out of my element when it comes to the dating world. In some respects I'd be happy to go back to 1905 so I can just be courted. I don't have to worry about calling him, asking him out, etc. Blah.


But seriously who am I kidding? I couldn't deal with being a woman in the early 1900s and having so little independence. So if this is the price I must pay for the prize then so be it, I will.


I met or re-met rather a friend's friend the other night at a party. I thought he was attractive when I met him and after talking with him a bit more I was interested in getting to know him better. It just so happens he lives near my house so we walked home together that night and exchanged phone numbers.


Well the entire week passed and he didn't call. Granted it was the holidays but still...I thought if he was interested he would have called.


So I broke down and sent him a text. We agreed to go out for coffee this week. We'll see if it actually happens though.


I guess I will simply continue to learn my lessons and grow with each passing involvement. Hopefully one will turn into a loving, supportive and worthwhile relationship. :)


And so 2009 is here with the same challenges I've been facing the last few years: love and money.


My commitment is to make myself grow bigger and beyond those challenges - to grow into the challenge of being in a healthy relationship and being an even bigger provider to the world. It's worth a shot!