True Love

I've often wondered what keeps two people together in a relationship. The longest I've been with a man was 2 years and that was decades ago (ok, it was only a few years back but it feels like at least a decade ago). I'm a huge fan of Walk the Line, the movie based on Johnny Cash's life. Whenever I feel like giving up on love or settling for less than what my heart truly wants, I watch that movie. Even though I don't get any closer to any answer on life-long love, I do feel better..even inspired.


But here's my big question then - and I may come off as a bitch so forgive me if you don't like it. Nix that, kiss my ass if you don't, you've been warned - what kind of love do most people think they have when they get married? Certainly a Johnny-June Carter Cash doesn't happen to everyone. If it didn't, maybe we wouldn't have so many divorces in our country. (Or maybe people just give up when it gets tough..I don't know). Or then again maybe everyone thinks they have that kind of love but they let it fade as life takes over. I wish I knew.


At a friend's BBQ recently a group of us were discussing living together before marriage. I don't want to do it personally - not unless he & I have agreed we are getting married. Preferably we could move in together after becoming engaged. A few people - both men AND women - argued in favor of living together as a trial run. I strongly disagree with this. If you genuinely love someone how could living together change that? And if it does why the hell didn't you see those traits before? Here's an interesting article on living together negatively affecting marriages.


Maybe I'm naive but I do believe true love between two grown, mature and good persons shouldn't be broken by how the person squeezes their toothpaste, or leaving the toilet seat up and their dirty clothes on the floor. Do those things really matter? And if they do how can you argue that you genuinely love the other person? I don't believe you can but then again, I don't believe in divorce. Yes my parents are split up and it was most definitely for the best. My birth mother has serious issues and both my father and I were better off without her in our lives. But they were both young and not ready for marriage. Maybe this is the case in some divorces but I don't think it holds true for all of them. I do believe people are just plain stupid sometimes. Everyone makes mistakes and I do try not to judge harshly when I hear of yet another couple splitting up. I feel strongly about this but I have also been fortunate enough to get to this point in my life and to come to this belief on my own.


Unlike many children of divorced parents, I have been incredibly blessed to life under the umbrella of a healthy marriage. After 7 years of dating, my stepmom & dad did marry and are quite happy together. They have their disagreements and my dad has his pig-headed moments but overall they love each other. They're still affectionate and loving towards each other. My mom (she is my stepmom but I call her Mom) always says she just knew my dad was the man for her. She knew they would spend their lives together.


And those words my friends give me hope. Personally I've always known when I've loved a man and I've known when there was potential to marry him. Clearly it hasn't worked out or I wouldn't be writing this as a very, very single woman..but that's beside the point!


I suppose the main point is to know yourself and take the time to know your partner. I'm a big fan of Oprah's Twenty Questions to Ask Before You Get Married. Of course I am just a big fan of most anything Oprah-related but there are some very valuable insights to be found in these questions and the answers you both give. Although I've never been close to the matrimonial vows myself I have spent a great deal of time thinking about what I want from myself, from him and from our relationship together. Maybe it's not the perfect recipe for a healthy relationship/marriage but I do see the merit in it and I hope one day I can put it to the test!