You know I always do my best to be positive and look for the good in all things. It's particularly hard for me from about November til the middle of February. I always want to be in a relationship and I rarely am. This year is the same despite dating several men.
The rotation is still on rotation but there's been a hiatus since about the middle of December. I saw one of the guys (we'll call him DR) early in the month and then his schedule has been hectic since. He has kid obligations that have kep him otherwise occupied.
You all know how I feel about dating someone with kids. NOT my preference, especially not teenagers. Anyway...
Since he was otherwise occupied, I of course continued seeing the other guys (what's the point in a rotation if you aren't rotating right?). Rotation Man #2 - we'll call him DB - was around a bit. I saw him 3x in about 1.5 weeks which might be a record for us.
DB and I have known each other for a few months (2 I think) and he's the strongest contender.
But I am not sure I'm even a contender in his book. He's had an incredibly stressful year so I'm still feeling out the situation. He's a tough one to read and there is a part of me that often wonders if I should just give up on it. He's a terrific guy but if he doesn't dig me that much then we should just move on so he can find someone he's crazy about. (And I can do the same!)
I haven't given up, I'm just watching and feelin' out the sitch with him. If we end up as just friends that's ok I suppose but there's a bit part of me that hopes for a lot more from him. That part of me thinks he & I have great potential...it's more of a feeling from my gut than anything else.
We'll see what happens and of course, I'll let you know!
One of the most important lessons I've learned from dating is to not take things too personally. You either dig someone or you don't. So if a guy doesn't dig me that's ok...another guy will.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Happy holidays
With the holidays here again I've flown back to be with my family in WI. I love being home for Christmas and there's no other place I'd rather be!
So happy holidays to you and your loved ones. Enjoy the season and remember to be grateful for all you have. We can always want more and we always do but take a moment today and every day in 2008 to remember a few things you're thankful for.
Be grateful and be happy!
So happy holidays to you and your loved ones. Enjoy the season and remember to be grateful for all you have. We can always want more and we always do but take a moment today and every day in 2008 to remember a few things you're thankful for.
Be grateful and be happy!
Monday, December 10, 2007
My new home...
Yes I am going to move again I have decided. This time I'm leaving Denver behind. And I am embracing Boulder.
Although I didn't get the job offer in Boulder I decided it's time to go where my heart wants to be - Boulder. I want to be in a place where spirituality is the norm, biking & walking are standard modes of transportation and not the bus or Hummer SUVs, and where alternative practices are welcomed with open arms.
That place is Boulder and that place is me.
I think I knew it the first time I visited the city and my heart has wanted to move there for the last 3 years.
Natch my brain told me that was silly since I had just moved to Denver so I ignored my longings and made due in Denver. I found metaphysical shops to suit my needs with wonderfully kind & creative owners; I found local churchs I enjoyed visiting and I found some like-minded people to share my time with.
But not enough. I haven't been immersed in groups of people who embrace progressive self-development and actualization. I have frequently been at the head of the pack among people I know and I want to be surrounded with people who are light years ahead of me. People who can and will teach me to have more compassion, more love, more honesty with myself and with others.
I want to continue my growth and the place to do it is in Boulder.
Wish me luck!
Although I didn't get the job offer in Boulder I decided it's time to go where my heart wants to be - Boulder. I want to be in a place where spirituality is the norm, biking & walking are standard modes of transportation and not the bus or Hummer SUVs, and where alternative practices are welcomed with open arms.
That place is Boulder and that place is me.
I think I knew it the first time I visited the city and my heart has wanted to move there for the last 3 years.
Natch my brain told me that was silly since I had just moved to Denver so I ignored my longings and made due in Denver. I found metaphysical shops to suit my needs with wonderfully kind & creative owners; I found local churchs I enjoyed visiting and I found some like-minded people to share my time with.
But not enough. I haven't been immersed in groups of people who embrace progressive self-development and actualization. I have frequently been at the head of the pack among people I know and I want to be surrounded with people who are light years ahead of me. People who can and will teach me to have more compassion, more love, more honesty with myself and with others.
I want to continue my growth and the place to do it is in Boulder.
Wish me luck!
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Dating Rotation
Since I haven't gotten the results I've wanted in my love life, I decided to do something different. I made a decision to have a dating rotation.
Much like a pitching rotation, I have been talking to or dating approximately five men. They are all quite different and the experiences have been interesting.
There isn't one man in the main starting spot but there are 2 who have a significant leg up on the competition.
But the most interesting thing so far has been to simply observe them. Some of them know they are in a rotation, some do not. At least I haven't verbally told them they are one among many. However, even the ones who do not expressly know they are among a pack, seem to respond as though they are.
What I mean by that is they instinctively know they are in a competition. And it's fascinating.
Of the top 2, one has been around for a month or two now. We've had some fun, had a few dates and gotten to know each other. For awhile, he was the only man up for consideration.
But when it became apparent he wasn't going to move into the full-time slot all that soon, I upped the ante. I added more boys to the rotation to keep myself in circulation and take the pressure off the situation with him.
As I did that, he became more responsive and a bit more interested in me.
He called me, asked about me without any provocation from me. He was showing me his interest without me having to show interest first. And that was pretty big because up to this point, it's been coming from me.
And when I saw him the other night it was much like an actual date. We had dinner, drinks & talked for a few hours. We've spent time together in the past but had only one semi-real date.This was a lovely change of pace.
I have to admit he's very close to the #1 spot but the timing just doesn't seem right yet so he'll stay in the rotation with the top spot remaining up for grabs.
Many many people have recommended multiple dating to me in the past but I had shyed away from it (for any number of reasons). Now I'm beginning to see dating as fun and enjoyable - it doesn't have to go anywhere (like a relationship or marriage - although that would be cool if it did).
There is a belief that what you don't NEED can be yours. I've come to learn this is true in every area of life from love to money to fitness.
I put this to the test but telling myself I don't need a relationship but I desire one. And now I have several! :) :)
Much like a pitching rotation, I have been talking to or dating approximately five men. They are all quite different and the experiences have been interesting.
There isn't one man in the main starting spot but there are 2 who have a significant leg up on the competition.
But the most interesting thing so far has been to simply observe them. Some of them know they are in a rotation, some do not. At least I haven't verbally told them they are one among many. However, even the ones who do not expressly know they are among a pack, seem to respond as though they are.
What I mean by that is they instinctively know they are in a competition. And it's fascinating.
Of the top 2, one has been around for a month or two now. We've had some fun, had a few dates and gotten to know each other. For awhile, he was the only man up for consideration.
But when it became apparent he wasn't going to move into the full-time slot all that soon, I upped the ante. I added more boys to the rotation to keep myself in circulation and take the pressure off the situation with him.
As I did that, he became more responsive and a bit more interested in me.
He called me, asked about me without any provocation from me. He was showing me his interest without me having to show interest first. And that was pretty big because up to this point, it's been coming from me.
And when I saw him the other night it was much like an actual date. We had dinner, drinks & talked for a few hours. We've spent time together in the past but had only one semi-real date.This was a lovely change of pace.
I have to admit he's very close to the #1 spot but the timing just doesn't seem right yet so he'll stay in the rotation with the top spot remaining up for grabs.
Many many people have recommended multiple dating to me in the past but I had shyed away from it (for any number of reasons). Now I'm beginning to see dating as fun and enjoyable - it doesn't have to go anywhere (like a relationship or marriage - although that would be cool if it did).
There is a belief that what you don't NEED can be yours. I've come to learn this is true in every area of life from love to money to fitness.
I put this to the test but telling myself I don't need a relationship but I desire one. And now I have several! :) :)
Monday, December 03, 2007
My Wish List for 2008
I was just reading an article by Joe Vitale (find him here at www.mrfire.com). It was his list of things he wants in 2007.
I'm a big fan of Joe and after handwriting the article (a copywriting exercise I like to do several times a week/daily), I decided I should write my own wish list for 2008.
So here goes.
These are in no particular order and would add to the end of each: This or something better.
1.) More loving, supportive and respectful relationships (in particular, a committed romantic one). I love my friends and my family and in 2008, I'd love to have more! I'd love to be a part of a local mastermind group who I can meet with at least once a month. And I'd love to have a magical romantic boyfriend. :)
2.) A more creative, writing-based job that pays double my current income. There is one job I have interviewed for and I am hoping for this one in particular. If not, something even better!!
3.) To buy my dream home. It has French doors, a patio, a fireplace, 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. And a doggie door for my new pooch (who is also on my wish list for '08). I'd love for this house to be within sight of the Flatirons. This one excites and scares me a bit - a big investment on my part.
4.) A new doggie!!! I want an older, well-trained and obedient small or medium-sized dog (under 50 lbs). I'm excited for this one!!
5.) I want to visit western Europe - preferably England or Ireland for 2-4 weeks in 2008. I haven't been yet and it's about time!! It'd be even better if the entire vacation time was PTO from that kick ass new creative-driven writing job. :)
6.) Hang out at the Ouray Ice Festival in '08. Haven't been yet, heard it's wicked good fun and good folks.
7.) To own all of Joe Vitale's books and audio programs. If you want to help me accomplish this wish, head over to Amazon.com and look under Joe Vitale.
8.) I'd love to go to James Ray's Quantum Leap weekend in November of 08. You can find him on his web site, www.JamesRay.com.
9.) Wouldn't it be cool to get a new car for free? I'd dig it!! Why not! Here are a few I'd luuuuuvvvvvv: http://www.klubvmax.pl/img/auto2/1967CorvetteStingray_0.jpg
http://www.channel4.com/4car/media/100-greatest/03-large/88-porsche-boxster.jpg
10.) And finally I wish to live each and every moment in a state of peace, happiness, grace, joy and love. It all begins with me and I know this is possible.
I'm a big fan of Joe and after handwriting the article (a copywriting exercise I like to do several times a week/daily), I decided I should write my own wish list for 2008.
So here goes.
These are in no particular order and would add to the end of each: This or something better.
1.) More loving, supportive and respectful relationships (in particular, a committed romantic one). I love my friends and my family and in 2008, I'd love to have more! I'd love to be a part of a local mastermind group who I can meet with at least once a month. And I'd love to have a magical romantic boyfriend. :)
2.) A more creative, writing-based job that pays double my current income. There is one job I have interviewed for and I am hoping for this one in particular. If not, something even better!!
3.) To buy my dream home. It has French doors, a patio, a fireplace, 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. And a doggie door for my new pooch (who is also on my wish list for '08). I'd love for this house to be within sight of the Flatirons. This one excites and scares me a bit - a big investment on my part.
4.) A new doggie!!! I want an older, well-trained and obedient small or medium-sized dog (under 50 lbs). I'm excited for this one!!
5.) I want to visit western Europe - preferably England or Ireland for 2-4 weeks in 2008. I haven't been yet and it's about time!! It'd be even better if the entire vacation time was PTO from that kick ass new creative-driven writing job. :)
6.) Hang out at the Ouray Ice Festival in '08. Haven't been yet, heard it's wicked good fun and good folks.
7.) To own all of Joe Vitale's books and audio programs. If you want to help me accomplish this wish, head over to Amazon.com and look under Joe Vitale.
8.) I'd love to go to James Ray's Quantum Leap weekend in November of 08. You can find him on his web site, www.JamesRay.com.
9.) Wouldn't it be cool to get a new car for free? I'd dig it!! Why not! Here are a few I'd luuuuuvvvvvv: http://www.klubvmax.pl/img/auto2/1967CorvetteStingray_0.jpg
http://www.channel4.com/4car/media/100-greatest/03-large/88-porsche-boxster.jpg
10.) And finally I wish to live each and every moment in a state of peace, happiness, grace, joy and love. It all begins with me and I know this is possible.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Relationships
You all know I think a lot about relationships whether I'm in one or not. I wouldn't say I'm currently involved but I'm also not currently uninvolved...or at least wasn't before Friday. Today, Sunday, I'm not quite sure.
Suffice to say I've begun to realized my own power thanks to Friday. We all have the power to influence others.
And we all have incredible gifts within us and can (and do) impact the world around us. Most of us just aren't aware that we do. Sometimes I find even though I'm aware of my influence and energy, I'm not aware enough of how it affects my environment. Friday was a prime example.
I was feeling a bit low after some car accident injury treatments but I decided to go out anyway. That was my first mistake.
My second mistake was not paying attention to my instincts which told me to go home on several occasions throughout the night. I ended up overstaying my welcome and creating some weird vibes with the guy I have been seeing.
We'll see how it all plays out but no matter what I had fun with him and learned some great things. That's all I need!
Suffice to say I've begun to realized my own power thanks to Friday. We all have the power to influence others.
And we all have incredible gifts within us and can (and do) impact the world around us. Most of us just aren't aware that we do. Sometimes I find even though I'm aware of my influence and energy, I'm not aware enough of how it affects my environment. Friday was a prime example.
I was feeling a bit low after some car accident injury treatments but I decided to go out anyway. That was my first mistake.
My second mistake was not paying attention to my instincts which told me to go home on several occasions throughout the night. I ended up overstaying my welcome and creating some weird vibes with the guy I have been seeing.
We'll see how it all plays out but no matter what I had fun with him and learned some great things. That's all I need!
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Home alone on Halloween
Yep here I am - home alone on Halloween. It's early so that may change or it may not. The way today has gone it's looking like not. And that makes me a bit annoyed but I'm getting over it. ;) So I'll be posting some fun surveys - enjoy!
| A little bit of info about me | |
|---|---|
| Did you get over your ex or do u still love him/her? | So over |
| Are you currently dating someone? | Define dating for me please...then I can say yes or no. |
| if you are do you love him/her? | Way too soon to tell |
| would you date your ex again? | which one? The most recent interest? Yes. The one before him? Hell no. |
| if no why not? | He never wanted to be physical with me. |
| How many people have you had sex with? | Define sex exactly... |
| did you love every single one you had sex with? | Absolutely not |
| are you still a virgin? | Define virgin exactly...just kidding! Nope. |
| how many times have you been in love? | Truly? 3 I think |
| how many boy/girlfriends have you had? | Oh tons and tons... |
| is there an ex girl/boyfriend you cant stop thinking about? | Not really |
| if you answered yes then who is it? | N/A |
| do u like tall guys(girls)/short girls(guys)? | I prefer men 5'7 and up - usually they are in the 5'10" to 6'2" range |
| who was your first kiss? | Colin |
| have u ever been in love with one of your friends? | yes...well not in love but definitely like! |
| who did you loose your virginity to? | Jason T |
| Take this survey or other MySpace Surveys at PimpSurveys.com | |
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Survey says!
You know I love these darn things so here's a fun one about me:
| 30 Things You Might Not Know!! by ktwalter73 | |
| What are you listening to right now?: | Nada |
| What was the last thing you ate?: | pizza |
| If you were a crayon what color would you be?: | midnight blue - like my eyes |
| How is the weather right now?: | cold, rainy and crummy |
| What color is your underwear right now?: | n/a |
| Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?: | Sean |
| The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?: | eyes, smile and broad shoulders |
| Favorite type of food?: | damn near any - Mexican, Italian, sushi, Chinese, Thai, seafood, etc.. |
| Do you drink?: | yep |
| Ever got so drunk you dont remember?: | nope |
| What color are your eyes?: | midnight blue - see crayola question |
| Single?: | yep |
| Favorite month?: | May because it's my birthday month followed closely by October because I love Halloween. And I love any month that involves a trip home to see the fam. |
| Last movie you watched?: | watching Cold Creek Manor right now |
| Favorite day of the week?: | Saturday |
| Are you too shy to ask someone out?: | usually |
| Hugs or Kissess?: | I like both |
| Chocolate or Vanilla?: | chocolate usually but I like the swirl too |
| What books are you reading?: | The Science of Success by James Ray and a few others |
| Piercings?: | yep - just the ears |
| Favorite movie?: | Just one? Bull Durham, Princess Bride, Office Space, Casablanca, Citizen Kane |
| Any pets?: | my roommie's dog |
| Aim?: | sure |
| Dogs or Cats?: | dogs!!!! allergic to cats |
| Favorite flower?: | lilies, orchids especially, sunflowers, anything big, bold and colorful. |
| Have you ever fired a gun?: | no! |
| Do you like to travel by plane as opposed to car?: | either is fine - plane is so much faster but cars are fun with the right company |
| Right handed or left handed?: | right |
| How many pillows do you sleep with?: | 3 |
| Are you missing someone?: | my family |
| Take this survey | Find surveys Pimp My Profile | |
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
A new car!
Yep it's true...I got myself a new car. It's an '04 Lib. He's a beauty!!! I've decided all Jeeps are male - they just seem like male cars. :) This isn't my exact car but this is what he looks like. Cool huh?!!
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Would you help?
I just received an email from Michael Fortin asking for help. There's a woman with 4 children who needs assistance. Please view the link below to see what you can do.
Anything you can give - prayers, money, etc - will help her. Please take a minute and do so.
Wishing you joy, love and happiness -
Lara
P.S. Here's the link again.
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Depression
For some reason, I've been incredibly down this week...down on myself, down on my work, down on my life. I feel like I haven't done much or accomplished much with my 31 years on this planet...like I can and should be more.
Some of it has to do with the fact that I've let some people down this week and I usually spend the next month beating myself up over it. I think I'll cut that down 2 weeks. ;)
As I hear those thoughts in my mind, I remind myself that life is lived each day and by each day only.
It's my job to be grateful for a day when it arrives (even when it is at 6:30am...you all know I am NOT a morning person) and to do the best I can with the 24 hours I am given. There are lessons to be learned in each day, there are goals to continue moving towards and there are warm rays of Colorado sunshine to immerse myself in.
Those are the only things I need to do each and every day.
I was definitely attached to my car, my active lifestyle and my freelance work routine. All of that has gone out the window so to speak. I now ride the bus everywhere (which is incredibly uncomfortable when you have the severe whiplash I have), can barely walk 4 miles (I used to run that several times a week) and am a slave to the man. (te he).
But that is just today. Tomorrow could be different and it will be different. When I am healed and recovered, I will drive a new car, run as many races as I want and continue moving forward with my career.
Til I am recovered though, I'm going to concentrate on getting healthy and being well! That is my only goal for the month of August: get completely healed!!!!
Wish me well. I wish you the same!
Some of it has to do with the fact that I've let some people down this week and I usually spend the next month beating myself up over it. I think I'll cut that down 2 weeks. ;)
As I hear those thoughts in my mind, I remind myself that life is lived each day and by each day only.
It's my job to be grateful for a day when it arrives (even when it is at 6:30am...you all know I am NOT a morning person) and to do the best I can with the 24 hours I am given. There are lessons to be learned in each day, there are goals to continue moving towards and there are warm rays of Colorado sunshine to immerse myself in.
Those are the only things I need to do each and every day.
I was definitely attached to my car, my active lifestyle and my freelance work routine. All of that has gone out the window so to speak. I now ride the bus everywhere (which is incredibly uncomfortable when you have the severe whiplash I have), can barely walk 4 miles (I used to run that several times a week) and am a slave to the man. (te he).
But that is just today. Tomorrow could be different and it will be different. When I am healed and recovered, I will drive a new car, run as many races as I want and continue moving forward with my career.
Til I am recovered though, I'm going to concentrate on getting healthy and being well! That is my only goal for the month of August: get completely healed!!!!
Wish me well. I wish you the same!
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Wanna See Me Windsurf?
Well you can't actually see me windsurf at this very moment but these are a few pictures of me when I climbed on my first windsurf board!! Enjoy. :)
Monday, June 11, 2007
Toga party
Toga! Toga! Toga!
Here are some pics from the toga party I went to the other weekend. Lots of fun!!
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Intentions
Well it looks like I'm going to have a visitor in the month of August. No definite dates have been set but tentatively sometime before the 20th. I have a wedding back home on August 25th so I have to be back there by the 21st for dress fittings, showers, etc.
Isn't that exciting?! You know what's even cooler about it? I set the intention last night for the two of us to spend a weekend together. Granted my intention was by the end of July but still...I'm happy to see him at all. And at least I'll have some things figured out in terms of my living situation and my job/income by then.
No news on either front (job or house)...but I believe it will work out and everything will fall into place easily and without much effort on my part. It will be easy in other words!
You'll be the first to know when that happens!
Isn't that exciting?! You know what's even cooler about it? I set the intention last night for the two of us to spend a weekend together. Granted my intention was by the end of July but still...I'm happy to see him at all. And at least I'll have some things figured out in terms of my living situation and my job/income by then.
No news on either front (job or house)...but I believe it will work out and everything will fall into place easily and without much effort on my part. It will be easy in other words!
You'll be the first to know when that happens!
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Uncertainty
Welcome to another chapter in my ridiculously insane life.
I'm not sure if I mentioned this here but my roommate told me he is going to rent my part of the house starting in July. And he told me 4 days before I left for Cozumel.
Now my schedule for the 6 weeks after Cozumel is a bit off the wall...even for me. Cozumel was 8 days then I was home for 5 days. After those 5 days I flew to Wisconsin where I'm spending 16 days in Wisconsin. Next I fly home, sleep in my bed for a night and then take off for Longmont for 8 days. After Longmont I'm home again for a night or two and then I'm watching some dogs for another 4 days.
All of that happens between April 27th and June 14th.
I'm a bit stressed just thinking about it. So somewhere in the next 7-14 days I have to figure out where I'm going to be moving to on July 1st.
But before I can do that I have to figure out how I'm going to pay rent. In other words I basically have to quadruple my profits by that date...preferably well before the actual date so I can sign a lease and have some money for a security deposit.
I know I'm supposed to do all that I can, believe in the outcome I want and then allow it to happen but there's that darn trust issue again.
Almost every day I struggle with the idea that the Universe is going to take care of me and provide for me. If my brain can't see the "how" of a situation it fights me. It fights my internal dialogue with negativity, doubts and nagging disbelief. It exhausts me.
Now's a pretty good time to stop all of that don't you think?! I do!!!
At least I am aware of the dialogue that's banging around in there and I can see/hear the thoughts and release them. One of these days those thoughts are going to lessen and eventually disappear. Oh what a happy day that will be!!!!
And what a happy day it will be when I can fully support myself as a copywriter.
Not much other news really...nothing in boyland. Surprised are you?! ;) I have a feeling Detroit will pop up when he wants to visit and not much before then.
That's fine...all I was hoping for in that situation was a fun weekend together. Two time zones is a whole lotta distance between two people. Especially two people who feel like we do: we don't want to get married yet, don't want kids, don't want a house, don't even want a dog. In essence neither of us wants much in the way of responsibilities.
Of course you'll be updated when I do have a visit. Keep your fingers crossed for me...I'd be quite happy to have a few days of fun to help ease this tension and stress!
Til then, I'm off to work more...wish me abundance! I wish the same for you in every way.
I'm not sure if I mentioned this here but my roommate told me he is going to rent my part of the house starting in July. And he told me 4 days before I left for Cozumel.
Now my schedule for the 6 weeks after Cozumel is a bit off the wall...even for me. Cozumel was 8 days then I was home for 5 days. After those 5 days I flew to Wisconsin where I'm spending 16 days in Wisconsin. Next I fly home, sleep in my bed for a night and then take off for Longmont for 8 days. After Longmont I'm home again for a night or two and then I'm watching some dogs for another 4 days.
All of that happens between April 27th and June 14th.
I'm a bit stressed just thinking about it. So somewhere in the next 7-14 days I have to figure out where I'm going to be moving to on July 1st.
But before I can do that I have to figure out how I'm going to pay rent. In other words I basically have to quadruple my profits by that date...preferably well before the actual date so I can sign a lease and have some money for a security deposit.
I know I'm supposed to do all that I can, believe in the outcome I want and then allow it to happen but there's that darn trust issue again.
Almost every day I struggle with the idea that the Universe is going to take care of me and provide for me. If my brain can't see the "how" of a situation it fights me. It fights my internal dialogue with negativity, doubts and nagging disbelief. It exhausts me.
Now's a pretty good time to stop all of that don't you think?! I do!!!
At least I am aware of the dialogue that's banging around in there and I can see/hear the thoughts and release them. One of these days those thoughts are going to lessen and eventually disappear. Oh what a happy day that will be!!!!
And what a happy day it will be when I can fully support myself as a copywriter.
Not much other news really...nothing in boyland. Surprised are you?! ;) I have a feeling Detroit will pop up when he wants to visit and not much before then.
That's fine...all I was hoping for in that situation was a fun weekend together. Two time zones is a whole lotta distance between two people. Especially two people who feel like we do: we don't want to get married yet, don't want kids, don't want a house, don't even want a dog. In essence neither of us wants much in the way of responsibilities.
Of course you'll be updated when I do have a visit. Keep your fingers crossed for me...I'd be quite happy to have a few days of fun to help ease this tension and stress!
Til then, I'm off to work more...wish me abundance! I wish the same for you in every way.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Pictures
Aren't I cute?! :) These are all from Cozumel courtesy of Lisa. She had over 600 photos!!! Wow. I had a great time looking through them..so glad someone got a shot of me in that red dress.
Whatever Happens Is Ok
It really has been a stressful month. I just approximated how many days I will sleep in my own bed between the end of April and the end of May...do you know how many?? About 6 I think. 6 nights in my bed. 6 days with my dog and 6 days of normalcy.
Some people love change and thrive on it. I like it in doses but I also love my routines. I'm a Taurus, we're all about comfort, security and steadfastness. This month is the opposite!
I've seen it in myself over the last few days. I'm less patient, less forgiving (of myself in particular) and I get frustrated easier. Those are not feelings I want to experience while I'm spending 16 days with my family. I just haven't been my perky self the last 2 days and I feel sad for that. I want to be happier and lighter when I'm with my family.
Especially since tomorrow is my birthday!
YAY me!!! I'm so happy to mark another year in my life. And what a year it has been! Absolutely incredible. So many new experiences, new people and new events in my life.
Not sure what I'm doing for my big day. I may get breakfast in bed which would be awesome...that is a family tradition. We give the birthday person breakfast in bed - we even give them a special plate to eat on that says "Happy birthday!". How cute is that?!!
So tomorrow signals another year. I am happy for many improvements I've made but there are still miles to go in other areas...especially my love life.
This stress has made me a bit wiggy and I'm doing things I wouldn't normally do including sending a text message after having a drink (if you know me you'll know one is my limit because I'm so small and don't drink much so my tolerance is incredibly low).
And that's exactly what I did last night.
It wasn't a sappy or stupid message but it was the fact that I had already emailed him this week (twice I think). I had sent photos from Cozumel to him on Monday and Tuesday.
But since I don't do the dating thing or the more than friends thing all that often, I have no idea how much contact is appropriate...or how much is too much. So I decided this was enough contact from me for at least a week.
He doesn't seem to mind my emails and texts because he responds but I'd like for him to initiate a conversation too. No more emails or texts for at least 7 days!!!
So the stress is making me overreact and overanalyze everything because I'm a girl and that's what we do. Aren't we silly?! I just keep reminding myself that whatever happens is ok. The world won't end if I never see him again and it won't end if I do. It won't end if he calls me and it won't end if he doesn't. Whatever happens is ok.
Anyway, that's my story. I'm goofy when it comes to boys. I prefer to lay my cards on the table and say what I think and what I feel...whatever happens after that is what happens.
But it doesn't seem to work out all that well when I take that approach. It seems to be more feasible to test the waters a bit, show some interest and then see if he reciprocates or takes the lead from there.
Dating sucks and I hate IT. Of course this isn't even dating...this is just a romantic interest. At least it's good practice for me so when I am dating I'll have warmed up my rusty self!
Perhaps I'll have a birthday wish from him or maybe not...who knows? We'll see tomorrow. Either way, it's fine. I'm happy, healthy and alive - what could be better?!!!
I'll post pics for you tomorrow - some remembrances from my 30th and Mexico.
Enjoy your day!
Some people love change and thrive on it. I like it in doses but I also love my routines. I'm a Taurus, we're all about comfort, security and steadfastness. This month is the opposite!
I've seen it in myself over the last few days. I'm less patient, less forgiving (of myself in particular) and I get frustrated easier. Those are not feelings I want to experience while I'm spending 16 days with my family. I just haven't been my perky self the last 2 days and I feel sad for that. I want to be happier and lighter when I'm with my family.
Especially since tomorrow is my birthday!
YAY me!!! I'm so happy to mark another year in my life. And what a year it has been! Absolutely incredible. So many new experiences, new people and new events in my life.
Not sure what I'm doing for my big day. I may get breakfast in bed which would be awesome...that is a family tradition. We give the birthday person breakfast in bed - we even give them a special plate to eat on that says "Happy birthday!". How cute is that?!!
So tomorrow signals another year. I am happy for many improvements I've made but there are still miles to go in other areas...especially my love life.
This stress has made me a bit wiggy and I'm doing things I wouldn't normally do including sending a text message after having a drink (if you know me you'll know one is my limit because I'm so small and don't drink much so my tolerance is incredibly low).
And that's exactly what I did last night.
It wasn't a sappy or stupid message but it was the fact that I had already emailed him this week (twice I think). I had sent photos from Cozumel to him on Monday and Tuesday.
But since I don't do the dating thing or the more than friends thing all that often, I have no idea how much contact is appropriate...or how much is too much. So I decided this was enough contact from me for at least a week.
He doesn't seem to mind my emails and texts because he responds but I'd like for him to initiate a conversation too. No more emails or texts for at least 7 days!!!
So the stress is making me overreact and overanalyze everything because I'm a girl and that's what we do. Aren't we silly?! I just keep reminding myself that whatever happens is ok. The world won't end if I never see him again and it won't end if I do. It won't end if he calls me and it won't end if he doesn't. Whatever happens is ok.
Anyway, that's my story. I'm goofy when it comes to boys. I prefer to lay my cards on the table and say what I think and what I feel...whatever happens after that is what happens.
But it doesn't seem to work out all that well when I take that approach. It seems to be more feasible to test the waters a bit, show some interest and then see if he reciprocates or takes the lead from there.
Dating sucks and I hate IT. Of course this isn't even dating...this is just a romantic interest. At least it's good practice for me so when I am dating I'll have warmed up my rusty self!
Perhaps I'll have a birthday wish from him or maybe not...who knows? We'll see tomorrow. Either way, it's fine. I'm happy, healthy and alive - what could be better?!!!
I'll post pics for you tomorrow - some remembrances from my 30th and Mexico.
Enjoy your day!
Monday, May 14, 2007
Midwest Living
I remember why I don't live here anymore...I spent all of Saturday at a friend's wedding and everyone was married with children (or expecting).
And that's exactly what I don't want (at least right now).
The very thought of being responsible for another human being makes me feel like vomiting. As does the thought of getting married.
Thank heavens I live in a city where I won't be shunned for those feelings!
I miss Colorado.
And that's exactly what I don't want (at least right now).
The very thought of being responsible for another human being makes me feel like vomiting. As does the thought of getting married.
Thank heavens I live in a city where I won't be shunned for those feelings!
I miss Colorado.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Blocked Again
So nothing happened yesterday with Detroit. He got shipped out on an early flight and wasn't allowed to make the arrangements. We never found time to get together.
He said he'd like to come back to Denver soon and hang out so we'll see. I'd like that very much, he's very sweet, cute, smart and a lot of fun. And truly when have I ever turned down the company of an attractive, attentive male?! Probably never.
Speaking of Detroit, I'm catching quite a bit of heat from others about our romantic interest in each other. I ran into a few Cozumel friends at a Cinco de Mayo party last night and my tryst with Detroit was a hot topic of discussion.
And these were men who wanted the gossip! So funny. I simply stayed quiet and told me them it wasn't there business.
But I did let it slip that we (Detroit and I) are going to see each other again (hopefully).
Anyway, there's your update. Nothing terribly exciting but I will have pictures for you soon. I know I keep teasing you but you'll see some here I promise!
He said he'd like to come back to Denver soon and hang out so we'll see. I'd like that very much, he's very sweet, cute, smart and a lot of fun. And truly when have I ever turned down the company of an attractive, attentive male?! Probably never.
Speaking of Detroit, I'm catching quite a bit of heat from others about our romantic interest in each other. I ran into a few Cozumel friends at a Cinco de Mayo party last night and my tryst with Detroit was a hot topic of discussion.
And these were men who wanted the gossip! So funny. I simply stayed quiet and told me them it wasn't there business.
But I did let it slip that we (Detroit and I) are going to see each other again (hopefully).
Anyway, there's your update. Nothing terribly exciting but I will have pictures for you soon. I know I keep teasing you but you'll see some here I promise!
Easy Like Sunday Morning
I once met a man who had a gorgeous BMW sedan and he wanted to get personalized plates. So when I asked him what those plates were going to say he told me "Easy Like Sunday Morning".
I was so appalled at the idea of slapping a Lionel Richie song on the front and back end of a sleek German racehorse that I truly couldn't imagine dating him again. Ever. But do you think I listened to that woman's intuition? Nope. I went out with him once more and had the worst date of my entire life.
He took me to a Brewers game...which is always a huge plus in my book (any baseball game for that matter)...but then proceeded to sit in TGIFriday's and watch the game on the TV. The TV! The horror.
The absolute audacity shocked me. He actually told me he thought watching the game on the TV in TGIFriday's was just as good as watching it in the stands.
My dear friends, it is not just as good. It's not even remotely close to being as good. Listening to the game in a hammock in your backyard on the radio with a tall, cool glass of lemonade is better than sitting in friggin' TGIFriday's.
It's an absolute tease to sit near the stands...near the sweet smell of peanuts, the crack of a bat and the soft scent of the newly-mowed grass. An absolute tease. An insult to all true baseball fans everywhere.
And the fact that I explained this to him and he still didn't care told me to ditch him and forget it.
So I finally did and that was that.
My point to this whole story is that it's damn near summer (although you'd never know it by Colorado temperatures and freezing rain), baseball has begun and I'm heading to the ballpark! It's my birthday on the 17th and we're going to catch a Brewers game the weekend after.
Who's coming with me?!
I was so appalled at the idea of slapping a Lionel Richie song on the front and back end of a sleek German racehorse that I truly couldn't imagine dating him again. Ever. But do you think I listened to that woman's intuition? Nope. I went out with him once more and had the worst date of my entire life.
He took me to a Brewers game...which is always a huge plus in my book (any baseball game for that matter)...but then proceeded to sit in TGIFriday's and watch the game on the TV. The TV! The horror.
The absolute audacity shocked me. He actually told me he thought watching the game on the TV in TGIFriday's was just as good as watching it in the stands.
My dear friends, it is not just as good. It's not even remotely close to being as good. Listening to the game in a hammock in your backyard on the radio with a tall, cool glass of lemonade is better than sitting in friggin' TGIFriday's.
It's an absolute tease to sit near the stands...near the sweet smell of peanuts, the crack of a bat and the soft scent of the newly-mowed grass. An absolute tease. An insult to all true baseball fans everywhere.
And the fact that I explained this to him and he still didn't care told me to ditch him and forget it.
So I finally did and that was that.
My point to this whole story is that it's damn near summer (although you'd never know it by Colorado temperatures and freezing rain), baseball has begun and I'm heading to the ballpark! It's my birthday on the 17th and we're going to catch a Brewers game the weekend after.
Who's coming with me?!
Friday, May 04, 2007
Back Home
All right, I'm not jumping for joy to be back in Colorado. I admit it. This is the first trip I've ever taken when I haven't been crazy excited to come back here. Usually I'm ecstatic at the thought of my Rocky Mountains gracing the skyline. But not today. I miss Cozumel. I miss the island breeze, the soft island Mexican music and the salty sea air. Truly I couldn't live there but I could see myself spending a couple of weeks there on a regular basis! Island living is good for the soul!
I'll give you a quick recap of the week (post drama)...Saturday was a day of relaxation. Sunday was the very bad scuba experience. Monday was a day on the scooters checking out the island. Tuesday we walked around town and visited off-the-beaten path places. Wednesday was our ruins tour (a solid 14+ hour day), Thursday was just relaxation in the ocean and on the beach!
I'll post photos when I get them but for now, just imagine 7 days of peaceful waves, calming breezes and sheer island-induced bliss!
I did get to spend more time with Detroit but not nearly enough. We sat by the beach one night under the stars and listened to music.
We also did the ruins tour together on Wednesday and we spent a few hours by the ocean yesterday afternoon.
I enjoyed the time we had together but of course wish there had been more. He is here in Denver til tomorrow night and we may find time to see each other. That is my hope anyway since we never got to say a proper good-bye. We were always very careful not to chat in public so we didn't get to hug at the airport today.
The whole thing was really silly actually because if you watched us in a group, we rarely made eye contact. But if no one was around? We were quite cozy. A few people noticed our interest in each other but for the most part, we kept it very covert so he wouldn't be yelled at again.
It was pretty difficult for me to keep my mouth shut about the whole thing because she continued to flirt with him in front of me and flirt with other men (in front of me and in front of Detroit). In my opinion, that was incredibly disrespectful and I don't tolerate that behavior from anyone. But I felt I had to simply ignore her childish behavior in this situation and so I did.
Anyway, it was a great trip minus that drama. I'm excited to share photos with you!!!
And wish me a good-bye visit from my new Detroit friend. :)
I'll give you a quick recap of the week (post drama)...Saturday was a day of relaxation. Sunday was the very bad scuba experience. Monday was a day on the scooters checking out the island. Tuesday we walked around town and visited off-the-beaten path places. Wednesday was our ruins tour (a solid 14+ hour day), Thursday was just relaxation in the ocean and on the beach!
I'll post photos when I get them but for now, just imagine 7 days of peaceful waves, calming breezes and sheer island-induced bliss!
I did get to spend more time with Detroit but not nearly enough. We sat by the beach one night under the stars and listened to music.
We also did the ruins tour together on Wednesday and we spent a few hours by the ocean yesterday afternoon.
I enjoyed the time we had together but of course wish there had been more. He is here in Denver til tomorrow night and we may find time to see each other. That is my hope anyway since we never got to say a proper good-bye. We were always very careful not to chat in public so we didn't get to hug at the airport today.
The whole thing was really silly actually because if you watched us in a group, we rarely made eye contact. But if no one was around? We were quite cozy. A few people noticed our interest in each other but for the most part, we kept it very covert so he wouldn't be yelled at again.
It was pretty difficult for me to keep my mouth shut about the whole thing because she continued to flirt with him in front of me and flirt with other men (in front of me and in front of Detroit). In my opinion, that was incredibly disrespectful and I don't tolerate that behavior from anyone. But I felt I had to simply ignore her childish behavior in this situation and so I did.
Anyway, it was a great trip minus that drama. I'm excited to share photos with you!!!
And wish me a good-bye visit from my new Detroit friend. :)
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Drama drama drama
You know I despise drama and there's nothing more dramatic than a few of the girls on this trip. One of them is someone I have known for a few years and she's pretty nice. We get along well but aren't close. We simply hang out at different events and chat.
She brought a friend along with her, a young man from Detroit (we'll call him Detroit). I chatted with him throughout the day yesterday and thought he was very sweet and fun.
Well last night a group of us went out to the city to have dinner. Detroit and I went out by ourselves because we wanted Mexican food (when in Rome! Ahh, I'm in Cozumel if I didn't fill you in already). So it was just the two of us and we eventually ended up at this cute little place.
We had a lovely time with great drinks, conversation and food. A little group of mariachi men even played for us! I love those guys (yes it was like that scene in Jerry Maguire. Except we didn't talk about our Xs and our horrid past loves). It was wonderful, one of the best evenings I've had in quite awhile. And definitely the best night I've had with a man in months, I mean close to 6 months, maybe longer.
There was definitely flirtation and mutual interest. Eventually we made our way back to a dance club where others in our group were hanging out. We continued to talk and drink and flirt.
But apparently that wasn't ok by her. Her friend told me to not hook up with him and that was that. We continued to flirt for most of the night which I guess ticked her off. Naturally I had to find out through the grapevine, very much like junior high.
Nothing happened between Detroit and I because I'm not that kind of girl. Frankly I thought they were just friends because she had been talking about flirting with the concierge at our hotel. But girls can be territorial and downright mean at times.
Since I wanted everyone to get along and for things to be peaceful, I apologized to her and said I wouldn't flirt with him again. I take responsibility for my actions even though I strongly disagree with her reaction. Had she pulled me aside herself and asked me to stay away from him, we could've prevented any further problems. Instead we had to hash through things several times with several people in the ensuing 24 hours.
Haven't seen Detroit yet, he has been diving all day. We'll see if I'm even allowed to talk to him and be friendly. I certainly can't stop a man from being interested in me. :) Sometimes it's tough to be so damn cute!
Enjoy yourself wherever you are and I'll raise a glass in your honor tonight!
Someone's thinking of you in Cozumel...
Lara
She brought a friend along with her, a young man from Detroit (we'll call him Detroit). I chatted with him throughout the day yesterday and thought he was very sweet and fun.
Well last night a group of us went out to the city to have dinner. Detroit and I went out by ourselves because we wanted Mexican food (when in Rome! Ahh, I'm in Cozumel if I didn't fill you in already). So it was just the two of us and we eventually ended up at this cute little place.
We had a lovely time with great drinks, conversation and food. A little group of mariachi men even played for us! I love those guys (yes it was like that scene in Jerry Maguire. Except we didn't talk about our Xs and our horrid past loves). It was wonderful, one of the best evenings I've had in quite awhile. And definitely the best night I've had with a man in months, I mean close to 6 months, maybe longer.
There was definitely flirtation and mutual interest. Eventually we made our way back to a dance club where others in our group were hanging out. We continued to talk and drink and flirt.
But apparently that wasn't ok by her. Her friend told me to not hook up with him and that was that. We continued to flirt for most of the night which I guess ticked her off. Naturally I had to find out through the grapevine, very much like junior high.
Nothing happened between Detroit and I because I'm not that kind of girl. Frankly I thought they were just friends because she had been talking about flirting with the concierge at our hotel. But girls can be territorial and downright mean at times.
Since I wanted everyone to get along and for things to be peaceful, I apologized to her and said I wouldn't flirt with him again. I take responsibility for my actions even though I strongly disagree with her reaction. Had she pulled me aside herself and asked me to stay away from him, we could've prevented any further problems. Instead we had to hash through things several times with several people in the ensuing 24 hours.
Haven't seen Detroit yet, he has been diving all day. We'll see if I'm even allowed to talk to him and be friendly. I certainly can't stop a man from being interested in me. :) Sometimes it's tough to be so damn cute!
Enjoy yourself wherever you are and I'll raise a glass in your honor tonight!
Someone's thinking of you in Cozumel...
Lara
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Self-Love: It Isn't Just For Hippies
I had an interesting thought the other day...I was pondering my romantic relationships (and lack thereof). I came to the realization that the reason I haven't attracted my ideal man is because I'm not my ideal woman.
And then I came to an even clearer realization: I AM my ideal woman, I just didn't believe it or acknowledge my greatness before. I hadn't fully embraced me and my unending love for myself.
I'm not saying I'm fully there every moment of every day (I certainly have my "Oh heavens I hate my thighs" moments like 99.9999999% of all women) but I'm on that plane a helluva lot more than I have been in the past. It's a cool place to be..that place where you love yourself about all else. I kinda dig it, think I'm going to camp out here and stay awhile!
Other things going on...finished my copywriting apprenticeship program. You can check it here:
http://GoodToGreatCopy.blogspot.com
I'm getting ready to go to Mexico in a couple of weeks. WOOOOOOOO me!!! YAY! Can you tell I'm pretty darn excited for that? It's going to be a blast! I'll take pictures and share them with you. You'll wish you were me..or at least had been there with me! I like the latter better.
Hmmm...other stuff? Looking at houses, test driving BMWs (did you know if you own a corporation...as I do...that you can lease a company car and write off the entire monthly lease payment??? Good grief!! My BMW is free baby!!!) and generally loving life. And I owe it to the three pivotal experiences: my copywriting apprenticeship (I owe about 90% of my outlook to it), The Secret and Holosync.
Well there is a fourth thing I owe my success to... ME. I'm tougher, stronger, more talented and simply more amazing than I ever thought I was. Maybe that sounds like bragging to you and that's fine if it does. I just know I love me and I wake up every day ready to explore deeper and experience more of me.
For a woman who hasn't really known unconditional love before that's huge. I now unconditionally love myself.
Other stuff...training for a half-marathon, reading a lot of great books (Joe Vitale, Robert Bly, Bill Harris and at some point James Ray's Science of Success whenever the heck it comes in. It's on hold for me in 2 places and it's not here yet).
I'm also awaiting the arrival of my laptop. It's been 5.5 days and it's still not here. I'm about to pitch a damn fit because it should've been here 2 days ago.
Not to mention my ongoing issues with insurance. My agent skipped town, doesn't return my calls and hasn't paid me money he owes me. But I'm sure both situations will resolve themselves this week. I'm causing the insurance issues because I hate paying for the bloody crap. *sigh* I'm letting go of that thought and replacing it with a positive "insurance is helpful" thought. Soon I'll believe it.
Yep, that wraps it up...at least as much as I can go into now. I ran 4.5 miles tonight which is the most I've done in the last 2 months so I'm beat. I'd love to tell you all the things I'm discovering about quantum physics, the laws of the universe and the sisterhood of science & religion but it's a bit heady and I'm too damn tired to explain. :) If you're really interested just check out The Secret or Joe Vitale or James Ray (two of my favorite teachers).
Hugs and kisses...
And then I came to an even clearer realization: I AM my ideal woman, I just didn't believe it or acknowledge my greatness before. I hadn't fully embraced me and my unending love for myself.
I'm not saying I'm fully there every moment of every day (I certainly have my "Oh heavens I hate my thighs" moments like 99.9999999% of all women) but I'm on that plane a helluva lot more than I have been in the past. It's a cool place to be..that place where you love yourself about all else. I kinda dig it, think I'm going to camp out here and stay awhile!
Other things going on...finished my copywriting apprenticeship program. You can check it here:
http://GoodToGreatCopy.blogspot.com
I'm getting ready to go to Mexico in a couple of weeks. WOOOOOOOO me!!! YAY! Can you tell I'm pretty darn excited for that? It's going to be a blast! I'll take pictures and share them with you. You'll wish you were me..or at least had been there with me! I like the latter better.
Hmmm...other stuff? Looking at houses, test driving BMWs (did you know if you own a corporation...as I do...that you can lease a company car and write off the entire monthly lease payment??? Good grief!! My BMW is free baby!!!) and generally loving life. And I owe it to the three pivotal experiences: my copywriting apprenticeship (I owe about 90% of my outlook to it), The Secret and Holosync.
Well there is a fourth thing I owe my success to... ME. I'm tougher, stronger, more talented and simply more amazing than I ever thought I was. Maybe that sounds like bragging to you and that's fine if it does. I just know I love me and I wake up every day ready to explore deeper and experience more of me.
For a woman who hasn't really known unconditional love before that's huge. I now unconditionally love myself.
Other stuff...training for a half-marathon, reading a lot of great books (Joe Vitale, Robert Bly, Bill Harris and at some point James Ray's Science of Success whenever the heck it comes in. It's on hold for me in 2 places and it's not here yet).
I'm also awaiting the arrival of my laptop. It's been 5.5 days and it's still not here. I'm about to pitch a damn fit because it should've been here 2 days ago.
Not to mention my ongoing issues with insurance. My agent skipped town, doesn't return my calls and hasn't paid me money he owes me. But I'm sure both situations will resolve themselves this week. I'm causing the insurance issues because I hate paying for the bloody crap. *sigh* I'm letting go of that thought and replacing it with a positive "insurance is helpful" thought. Soon I'll believe it.
Yep, that wraps it up...at least as much as I can go into now. I ran 4.5 miles tonight which is the most I've done in the last 2 months so I'm beat. I'd love to tell you all the things I'm discovering about quantum physics, the laws of the universe and the sisterhood of science & religion but it's a bit heady and I'm too damn tired to explain. :) If you're really interested just check out The Secret or Joe Vitale or James Ray (two of my favorite teachers).
Hugs and kisses...
Friday, March 09, 2007
Check me out!
Well normally I only use this blog for personal stuff. But today I'm making an exception. Click this link and listen to what I did last night and this morning. I think you'll love it!!!
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Me and My Favorite Hobby
This is me a few weeks ago. I love climbing. I love how much it pushes me out of my comfort zone. I know it sounds ridiculous to some people but that is the most enticing thing about this sport for me. I don't care if I can ever redpoint a 5.12a. So what? I'm happy for people who can.
But every time I get up there it is exhiliarating. Have you ever been so high in off the ground that birds were below you?? I have. And I'll tell you I was terrified every time but I loved it! I'm afraid of heights. So much so that my legs shake on every climb. Climbing isn't difficult for me physically (not the level I climb at anyway) but mentally it sure is!
Most people avoid their fears. But I think whatever you avoid facing becomes that 800 pound invisible gorilla chasing you around the rest of your life. I like to face that gorilla head on. And so I climb.
Just my thoughts for the day. Hope you all are well.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Happy Birthday Jensen!
I had a dream about this lovely man last night. We were hanging out in some old spooky Victorian house. And he was there. And he was lovely. And he adored me. What more could a girl ask for?! Nothing I tell you, nothing.
So happy birthday Jensen. I hope it was a wonderful day for you.
Thanks to JRAUnlimited.com for the pic!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Forward March
Yep each day I put one foot in front of the other and I keep going. It seems to be the only thing I can do at this point. I'm unusually positive about this whole experience. For the first time in many many years I am looking forward to finding a new man.
I don't necessarily like dating but perhaps I won't have to date to meet him. I can hope it will just happen and happen naturally, without effort. The only lasting relationships I've been in have simply happened. We've met, been friends and became more. Sometimes it happened quickly and sometimes it took years.
So I've chosen to heal and move on. I've chosen to focus on what will be and not what has been. Today does not have to dictate my tomorrow. Every situation and every circumstance is temporary. It's as permanent as we decide it will be. And I decided yesterday is not indicative of my tomorrow. Each day truly is a new possibility and I embrace it as such.
Naturally somedays I embrace a bit more than others but I keep that thought in my mind. And I still cry every now and again but it's a lot less frequent than it was last week. He just isn't worth the energy. There isn't a reason to pine over a man - ANY MAN - who refuses to see how mangificent I am. Forget him. Focus on me. My two sentences to live by!
I don't necessarily like dating but perhaps I won't have to date to meet him. I can hope it will just happen and happen naturally, without effort. The only lasting relationships I've been in have simply happened. We've met, been friends and became more. Sometimes it happened quickly and sometimes it took years.
So I've chosen to heal and move on. I've chosen to focus on what will be and not what has been. Today does not have to dictate my tomorrow. Every situation and every circumstance is temporary. It's as permanent as we decide it will be. And I decided yesterday is not indicative of my tomorrow. Each day truly is a new possibility and I embrace it as such.
Naturally somedays I embrace a bit more than others but I keep that thought in my mind. And I still cry every now and again but it's a lot less frequent than it was last week. He just isn't worth the energy. There isn't a reason to pine over a man - ANY MAN - who refuses to see how mangificent I am. Forget him. Focus on me. My two sentences to live by!
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
On The Mend
Well it's time for the healing to begin. The X is gone, officially. He has declared we are no longer friends and that he has found the person he will spend his life with.
And he declared it in a 3 sentence email. 3 sentences to end a 12 year friendship. 3 sentences and NO flippin' apology. AMAZING. To say he acted like an ass would be an understatement.
We had certain online conversations 9 days prior to his declaration that make me question his profession. Somehow in 9 days he met and decided to marry some chick. Pardon me if I find that hard to believe.
It's even worse if he met her and then still had intimate conversations with me AFTER they met. So in essence he already cheated. No wonder he ended our friendship. I'm 12 hours away and he still can't resist me. Shouldn't that say perhaps he's not all that in love?
It's projection yet again. Every time we get close, he runs away and projects his feelings onto the next girl he dates. This is the 3rd time. He's never said "forever" before and that really hurt me. I swear he thought of the most hurtful and easiest/cowardly way to tell me and that's what he came up with. 3 sentence email.
I've made the decision to replace thoughts of him with positive thoughts. Obviously I deserve better treatment from ANYONE in my life. Christ my dog treats me better. Just send positive thoughts my way if you can - any sort of hug is appreciated. He may have been an ass but he was one of my best friends for almost 12 years. It's still a loss to deal with.
So enough on that. In other Lara-world-news the copywriting is going well. I've started to see results which is awesome. It's a simple equation of time + effort = results. There is much work to be done and I seem to be the only one of the apprentices doing it. Now we are working on building a team to help me.
Not much else going on. Oh yes - and my laptop crashed. Perfect timing for the X to go away. He's brilliant at fixing that shit. I'm slightly screwed if a complete reformatting and reinstallation doesn't work. I'll have to cash in a CD so I can buy a new one. I can't seem to live without a laptop. *sigh*
Going out for trivia tonight (possibly), laptop reconfiguration tomorrow followed by pizza/wine/Grey's Anatomy (TiVO'd) and hiking on Thursday. Not sure about Friday but Saturday is a Girls' Night Out after some snowshoeing. Sunday better be a day of rest!!! Well maybe. Depends on what I get done during the week.
Hope everyone is well and had a lovely Valentine's Day. It was the day my laptop died so you know how happy I was that night!
And he declared it in a 3 sentence email. 3 sentences to end a 12 year friendship. 3 sentences and NO flippin' apology. AMAZING. To say he acted like an ass would be an understatement.
We had certain online conversations 9 days prior to his declaration that make me question his profession. Somehow in 9 days he met and decided to marry some chick. Pardon me if I find that hard to believe.
It's even worse if he met her and then still had intimate conversations with me AFTER they met. So in essence he already cheated. No wonder he ended our friendship. I'm 12 hours away and he still can't resist me. Shouldn't that say perhaps he's not all that in love?
It's projection yet again. Every time we get close, he runs away and projects his feelings onto the next girl he dates. This is the 3rd time. He's never said "forever" before and that really hurt me. I swear he thought of the most hurtful and easiest/cowardly way to tell me and that's what he came up with. 3 sentence email.
I've made the decision to replace thoughts of him with positive thoughts. Obviously I deserve better treatment from ANYONE in my life. Christ my dog treats me better. Just send positive thoughts my way if you can - any sort of hug is appreciated. He may have been an ass but he was one of my best friends for almost 12 years. It's still a loss to deal with.
So enough on that. In other Lara-world-news the copywriting is going well. I've started to see results which is awesome. It's a simple equation of time + effort = results. There is much work to be done and I seem to be the only one of the apprentices doing it. Now we are working on building a team to help me.
Not much else going on. Oh yes - and my laptop crashed. Perfect timing for the X to go away. He's brilliant at fixing that shit. I'm slightly screwed if a complete reformatting and reinstallation doesn't work. I'll have to cash in a CD so I can buy a new one. I can't seem to live without a laptop. *sigh*
Going out for trivia tonight (possibly), laptop reconfiguration tomorrow followed by pizza/wine/Grey's Anatomy (TiVO'd) and hiking on Thursday. Not sure about Friday but Saturday is a Girls' Night Out after some snowshoeing. Sunday better be a day of rest!!! Well maybe. Depends on what I get done during the week.
Hope everyone is well and had a lovely Valentine's Day. It was the day my laptop died so you know how happy I was that night!
Thursday, February 01, 2007
New Year
Well it's been an interesting first month of the new year (I write this as January has ended and February is being ushered in with mounds of snow around and big fat flakes still falling).
It's been mixed to say the least - full of ups and downs. I've begun writing for a copywriter in Vegas who seems to be quite successful. I'm mentoring under him and will hopefully be working on some cool products/packages. But that's been the highlight.
I didn't get about $300 I had expected last month so I spent 3 weeks temping..that sucked. I have no idea how working mothers do it - I came home from 8 hours of work, cleaned and cooked several times each week for 3 weeks. I was exhausted. Not to mention that I had to continue writing for 1TrackMind.com every night and trying to find more projects, networking opportunities, etc.
Part of the $300 was payment from a client. I came home to a bounced check from that client. After repeated emails and a phone call, said client still had not responded with repayment. So I found the client's business address in LA and found the corresponding police precinct. I sent the client a letter with that information and threatened to call the police if they didn't repay me within 5 business days. It worked and I got paid but it took about 2.5 weeks after I got home and about a month after the check actually bounced.
So I have decided not to write for that client anymore. And I've decided not to write for John Gray either. The hoops I was jumping through just were not worth it in the end. They were upset that I wasn't available during business hours this month...even after I repeatedly explained this was a temp job and not a permanent situation. There was intensive training and testing needed before I could even start writing for them. And there was no guarantee of regular work although they seemed to be in dire need of help. I did several of the tests but had 2 more to do. My first attempt at the final tests didn't go well and I didn't feel encouraged or supported in my endeavors. I felt I was busting my tail and getting nothing from them in return. For the $12 an hour they were offering coupled with no guarantee of consistent work and projects AND the fact that this was a temporary gig in my future endeavors, I decided it wasn't worth the energy I was exerting. I can easily temp for the same pay until my copywriting gigs pick up.
So what's next? Saving up some money to join the Chamber of Commerce, gigs for the Vegas copywriter and hopefully some more gigs for the copywriter in Longmont. It's pretty depressing - the two clients I had to drop were two clients I was planning on getting regular and consistent work from. Here's hoping that even those doors have closed there are open windows in my vicinity. Keep your fingers crossed and your hearts in prayer for me (or whatever you believe).
And then we get to the boys in my love life. There is the X in Phoenix who is currently staying as the X. It seems the distance is just too big of a factor at this point. I did actually come to that my conclusion on my own. We have known each other for 11.5 years...a long time. And truly he is one of my closest friends. He knows more about me then 90% of the people in my life. I hate the thought of not being friends; we have a strong connection and he is one of the few strong pillars I know. So if anything happens between us it will wait for another day. I am sad; I care for him very much. Some people say that when they met their future spouse, they just knew it. I didn't have quite the same experience with him but the first night he and I had a private conversation, I heard my own inner voice say "I'm going to marry this man." It freaked me out a bit to be sure. It still does. What if he is the one and he never feels that way about me? What if he does feel that way? That one is almost scarier. *sigh* But there's nothing I can do about it. If he moves to Denver one day in the future and I'm single (I actually had to force myself to write that...I can't imagine being anything but single) and he's single..maybe we can explore. Perhaps.
But besides that, it sure helps to know someone who is a successful business owner when I'm trying to be one myself. It's something others don't understand. If I had a dollar for every person who asked me if I'm still looking for a job, I'd have quite a stash of cash! It's understandable..most people have jobs, they don't own companies. They aren't entrepreneurs or freelancers. We live a different life and it does take a different mindset and a different approach. It is a full commitment. I work every day..at least a little. Even if I'm waiting for a project, I push myself to be hustling. I'm looking for networking opportunities (affordable ones), reading copywriting material, reading marketing tips, looking for gigs..etc. After a month like January it is exhausting. But those are the ups and downs of business.
Besides the X, there are other boys. There is a climber from Boulder - we went to Domo last week. Domo was excellent and he was funny. I don't know if there's much there but I'd at least be friends with him. And then there's a biker (road bike..not motorcycle) from Denver. We went out this past Monday and it was fun. I'll see him again when he gets back from some trips. Regardless I hate dating. I wish I didn't have to do it. But there seems to be a lot of things I hate doing lately that I have had to do! So be it.
I hope everyone's 2007 is off to a great start!
It's been mixed to say the least - full of ups and downs. I've begun writing for a copywriter in Vegas who seems to be quite successful. I'm mentoring under him and will hopefully be working on some cool products/packages. But that's been the highlight.
I didn't get about $300 I had expected last month so I spent 3 weeks temping..that sucked. I have no idea how working mothers do it - I came home from 8 hours of work, cleaned and cooked several times each week for 3 weeks. I was exhausted. Not to mention that I had to continue writing for 1TrackMind.com every night and trying to find more projects, networking opportunities, etc.
Part of the $300 was payment from a client. I came home to a bounced check from that client. After repeated emails and a phone call, said client still had not responded with repayment. So I found the client's business address in LA and found the corresponding police precinct. I sent the client a letter with that information and threatened to call the police if they didn't repay me within 5 business days. It worked and I got paid but it took about 2.5 weeks after I got home and about a month after the check actually bounced.
So I have decided not to write for that client anymore. And I've decided not to write for John Gray either. The hoops I was jumping through just were not worth it in the end. They were upset that I wasn't available during business hours this month...even after I repeatedly explained this was a temp job and not a permanent situation. There was intensive training and testing needed before I could even start writing for them. And there was no guarantee of regular work although they seemed to be in dire need of help. I did several of the tests but had 2 more to do. My first attempt at the final tests didn't go well and I didn't feel encouraged or supported in my endeavors. I felt I was busting my tail and getting nothing from them in return. For the $12 an hour they were offering coupled with no guarantee of consistent work and projects AND the fact that this was a temporary gig in my future endeavors, I decided it wasn't worth the energy I was exerting. I can easily temp for the same pay until my copywriting gigs pick up.
So what's next? Saving up some money to join the Chamber of Commerce, gigs for the Vegas copywriter and hopefully some more gigs for the copywriter in Longmont. It's pretty depressing - the two clients I had to drop were two clients I was planning on getting regular and consistent work from. Here's hoping that even those doors have closed there are open windows in my vicinity. Keep your fingers crossed and your hearts in prayer for me (or whatever you believe).
And then we get to the boys in my love life. There is the X in Phoenix who is currently staying as the X. It seems the distance is just too big of a factor at this point. I did actually come to that my conclusion on my own. We have known each other for 11.5 years...a long time. And truly he is one of my closest friends. He knows more about me then 90% of the people in my life. I hate the thought of not being friends; we have a strong connection and he is one of the few strong pillars I know. So if anything happens between us it will wait for another day. I am sad; I care for him very much. Some people say that when they met their future spouse, they just knew it. I didn't have quite the same experience with him but the first night he and I had a private conversation, I heard my own inner voice say "I'm going to marry this man." It freaked me out a bit to be sure. It still does. What if he is the one and he never feels that way about me? What if he does feel that way? That one is almost scarier. *sigh* But there's nothing I can do about it. If he moves to Denver one day in the future and I'm single (I actually had to force myself to write that...I can't imagine being anything but single) and he's single..maybe we can explore. Perhaps.
But besides that, it sure helps to know someone who is a successful business owner when I'm trying to be one myself. It's something others don't understand. If I had a dollar for every person who asked me if I'm still looking for a job, I'd have quite a stash of cash! It's understandable..most people have jobs, they don't own companies. They aren't entrepreneurs or freelancers. We live a different life and it does take a different mindset and a different approach. It is a full commitment. I work every day..at least a little. Even if I'm waiting for a project, I push myself to be hustling. I'm looking for networking opportunities (affordable ones), reading copywriting material, reading marketing tips, looking for gigs..etc. After a month like January it is exhausting. But those are the ups and downs of business.
Besides the X, there are other boys. There is a climber from Boulder - we went to Domo last week. Domo was excellent and he was funny. I don't know if there's much there but I'd at least be friends with him. And then there's a biker (road bike..not motorcycle) from Denver. We went out this past Monday and it was fun. I'll see him again when he gets back from some trips. Regardless I hate dating. I wish I didn't have to do it. But there seems to be a lot of things I hate doing lately that I have had to do! So be it.
I hope everyone's 2007 is off to a great start!
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Name: Lara...Maww if you know me well
Birthday: May 17th, the best day of the year!!
Birthplace: little town in Wisconsin
Current Location: Colorado baby
Eye Color: a lovely shade of dark blue
Hair Color: dirty blonde
Height: 5'1"
Right Handed or Left Handed: Rightie
Your Heritage: German all around
The Shoes You Wore Today: my fuzzy pink slippers
Your Weakness: chocolate brownies, chocolate cake, chocolate muffins - get the theme?
Your Fears: heights and not accomplishing my goals
Your Perfect Pizza: Orv's extra cheese or homemade
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: run a half-marathon in under 2 hours and triple my income by the end of the year
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: I don't talk much online
Thoughts First Waking Up: I'd rather not say that in a public setting
Your Best Physical Features: my smile, my eyes and my butt
Your Bedtime: between 11pm and 1am
Your Most Missed Memory: my siblings when they were little
Pepsi or Coke: always Coke baby
MacDonalds or Burger King: YUCK! None
Single or Group Dates: At this point I'll take whatever kind of date I can get
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: either one, I love iced tea (sweetened of course)
Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate, chocolate, chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: cappuccino
Do you Smoke: not ever
Do you Swear: unless I'm with my family
Do you Sing: you betcha
Do you Shower Daily: nope - every other because it's healthier for my hair & scalp
Have you Been in Love: yes several times
Do you want to go to College: ah, already been there, done that
Do you want to get Married: probably if I find the right man
Do you believe in yourself: Yes
Do you get Motion Sickness: on planes it seems and occasionally in the car
Do you think you are Attractive: sure
Are you a Health Freak: somewhat
Do you get along with your Parents: sure
Do you like Thunderstorms: absolutely
Do you play an Instrument: nope
Ever been Drunk: ah yeah
Ever been called a Tease: most definitely..because I am
Ever been Beaten up: no!
Ever Shoplifted: yep
How do you want to Die: on a mountain
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: happily married and in love, enjoying my work and making plenty of $$$ - overall I just want to be happy most of the time.
What country would you most like to Visit: Just one? Spain, Portugal, Argentina, Costa Rica, Guatemala, Belize, Yukon, Greece, Fiji, Micronesia, Easter Island, Cook Islands..almost anywhere
Number of things in my Past I Regret: a few but I learned from them so I guess that is the most important thing
Birthday: May 17th, the best day of the year!!
Birthplace: little town in Wisconsin
Current Location: Colorado baby
Eye Color: a lovely shade of dark blue
Hair Color: dirty blonde
Height: 5'1"
Right Handed or Left Handed: Rightie
Your Heritage: German all around
The Shoes You Wore Today: my fuzzy pink slippers
Your Weakness: chocolate brownies, chocolate cake, chocolate muffins - get the theme?
Your Fears: heights and not accomplishing my goals
Your Perfect Pizza: Orv's extra cheese or homemade
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: run a half-marathon in under 2 hours and triple my income by the end of the year
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: I don't talk much online
Thoughts First Waking Up: I'd rather not say that in a public setting
Your Best Physical Features: my smile, my eyes and my butt
Your Bedtime: between 11pm and 1am
Your Most Missed Memory: my siblings when they were little
Pepsi or Coke: always Coke baby
MacDonalds or Burger King: YUCK! None
Single or Group Dates: At this point I'll take whatever kind of date I can get
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: either one, I love iced tea (sweetened of course)
Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate, chocolate, chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: cappuccino
Do you Smoke: not ever
Do you Swear: unless I'm with my family
Do you Sing: you betcha
Do you Shower Daily: nope - every other because it's healthier for my hair & scalp
Have you Been in Love: yes several times
Do you want to go to College: ah, already been there, done that
Do you want to get Married: probably if I find the right man
Do you believe in yourself: Yes
Do you get Motion Sickness: on planes it seems and occasionally in the car
Do you think you are Attractive: sure
Are you a Health Freak: somewhat
Do you get along with your Parents: sure
Do you like Thunderstorms: absolutely
Do you play an Instrument: nope
Ever been Drunk: ah yeah
Ever been called a Tease: most definitely..because I am
Ever been Beaten up: no!
Ever Shoplifted: yep
How do you want to Die: on a mountain
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: happily married and in love, enjoying my work and making plenty of $$$ - overall I just want to be happy most of the time.
What country would you most like to Visit: Just one? Spain, Portugal, Argentina, Costa Rica, Guatemala, Belize, Yukon, Greece, Fiji, Micronesia, Easter Island, Cook Islands..almost anywhere
Number of things in my Past I Regret: a few but I learned from them so I guess that is the most important thing
What a Kiss Means
What a kiss means...
Kiss on the stomach-----" tender"
*Kiss on the Forehead ----"thinking of you"
*Kiss on the Cheek ---"We're friends"
*Kiss on the Hand ---"I adore you"
*Kiss on the Neck ---"We belong together"
*Kiss on the Shoulder ---"I want you"
*Kiss on the Lips "u make me melt"
*Holding Hands ---"We can learn about each other"
*Playing with the Ear ---"u drive me crazy"
*Holding on tight ---"Don't let go"
*Looking into each other's Eyes ---"wondering what there thinking"
*Playing with Hair on Head ---"i like you"
*Arms around the Waist ---" protecting "
*Laughing while Kissing ---"I am completely Comfortable with you"
Kiss on the stomach-----" tender"
*Kiss on the Forehead ----"thinking of you"
*Kiss on the Cheek ---"We're friends"
*Kiss on the Hand ---"I adore you"
*Kiss on the Neck ---"We belong together"
*Kiss on the Shoulder ---"I want you"
*Kiss on the Lips "u make me melt"
*Holding Hands ---"We can learn about each other"
*Playing with the Ear ---"u drive me crazy"
*Holding on tight ---"Don't let go"
*Looking into each other's Eyes ---"wondering what there thinking"
*Playing with Hair on Head ---"i like you"
*Arms around the Waist ---" protecting "
*Laughing while Kissing ---"I am completely Comfortable with you"
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